Most people don’t like to be in a lift, full stop. But imagine being there with four others, three with a shady past and the king of shade, the devil himself. As a sinner yourself, your complaint may not make it to the file and pot, kettle, black would spring to mind. The moral of the story: the devil punishes wrongdoers. And not just with coal in your stocking.

If you haven’t got a series of ten hour bus journeys around India in which you need to entertain yourself with some light reading material, then help is on the way! Paradise Lost, the twelve book poem is being turned into a film. So once you’ve dallied around the Taj Mahal, come and be enlightened.

Warner Bros are in trouble. Money trouble. And who better to save them then comic book heroes. Well, if they can save a baby from a burning building, who’s to say they can’t get Warner Bros out of a financial black hole?

It’s the fourth installment in the Resident Evil franchise and IT’S IN 3D! Alice is back to kick-ass and not even the removal of her powers is going to get her to calm down. Ain’t nothing going to hold this girl down. Evil corporation, mneh. Zombies, puh-lease. The traitorous living, move over, girlfriend! Unfortunatley, even in the spirit of “GIRL POWER”, there is not much to this film aside from guns, the undead and women fighting the undead. With guns. Which I guess is pretty standard for a computer game.

Comic and “oh so controvertial” actor, Sacha Baron Cohen is all set to take on the role of the 80’s pop icon. Whhhy, I wail. But without wanting to cut my nose off to spite my face, I will give him the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps it’ll be a kind of magic.

There’s no doubt about it; cinema ain’t what it used to be. What with new and improved seating, 3D films assaulting your retinas and more snacks then you can shake your expanding belly at, going to the flicks has become somewhat different to that of our forefathers. So who’s for an extra-crispy, oven-roasted, honey-glazed, menagerie of cinema with extra sprinkles, all topped with a quails egg?

Is it cold in here? Nope, the heating’s on full. Oh, that’s strange. Maybe it’s just the news that Goosebumps is set to be made into a film. Chilling.

After four seasons of insane-in-the-membrane teenage antics, it’s time to prepare yourself for Skins: The Movie. So get up, get out there and start behaving like raucous kids with nothing better to do than make a mess. And we’re not talking about finger painting. You have until the summer.