We need to be honest with you… we’re nerds – pocket protector owning, corduroy wearing, Windows 3.1 loving nerds and have been long before it became quasi-cool (thanks Pharrell). While our playground peers were debating The Ultimate Warrior and Hulk Hogan, we were having deep discussions about phasers, warp drives and why Captain Kirk would make the best dad ever. This makes us the worst type of nerd – a Star Trek nerd. And while we’ve never gone to a convention, it didn’t stop us pestering our mother’s in to making us a Federation captain’s uniform out of a knitted yellow jumper, some kitchen foil and a carefully cut egg carton. Hence you can only imagine our trepidation at the prospect of the Mr. Mission Impossible 3 J.J. Abram’s, reboot – but we and our fellow geeks needn’t have worried.
When we had finished watching Law Abiding Citizen, we had just one question. What is it with Scottish actors and the American accent? Seriously, first up there was Ewan MacGregor, sounding like he was talking with a mouth full of nails in Deception. You’d have thought Hugh Jackman (who like most Australians has some pretty convincing Yank speak) would have taken him aside and given a few words of advice. Admittedly they were both probably avoiding eye contact in the hope that if they didn’t look at one another they might awake from the nightmare of starring in the worst erotic thriller since Ernest Goes to Jail.
We love George Clooney. If there was ever a man who looked like he could build a log cabin using wood he chopped himself, mixing a martini at the same time, while wearing a tux with a perfectly crafted bow tie it’s him. Seriously, which other actor could come back from the horror that was Batman & Robin to be one of Hollywood’s leading men? And if you don’t think that’s impressive, go ask Val Kilmer how life is treating him post Bruce Wayne duty. So when we settled into our cinema seat to watch his new film The Men Who Stare at Goats, we knew we were in for a treat.
Damn you George Lucas! No, not for making the Star Wars prequels and casting a Canadian Redwood as the Dark Lord of the Sith. And not for flogging a dead, Indiana Jones shaped, horse in The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. No, we damn you because as the Godfather of the franchise you are directly culpable for Ratnerised X-Men: The Last Stand. It’s complete uselessness is the reason we’ve been treated to this Wolverine prequel (and, if rumours are to believed, a sequel to the prequel plus a Magneto movie as well). An entirely new franchise of an existing franchise – great, just what we’ve always wanted!