We’re beyond caring at this point.

You can’t keep an insane auteur down…

It’s horrendously risky, being a documentary filmmaker. Sometimes, if you’re Ondi Timoner, you’re lucky – or smart – enough to be around when a humdrum subject becomes something more vital: case in point, a documentary about the LA rock scene becoming the ultimate study in self-destruction and ego, DiG! But it can’t always work out that way. Sometimes, you start off making a documentary about the resurgence of interest in electric cars, and you very, VERY nearly end up with the ultimate study on the futility of hope.

“Oh good! A British rapper making his film debut!” said nobody, ever. But stay that hand from killing – Ashley Thomas (‘Bashy’ to his fans) is actually pretty good in The Man Inside. Sadly, not everyone else is pulling their weight in this patchy underworld thriller.

Despite the big names on screen and behind the camera, Cosmopolis is the most niche film of 2012; emotionally frigid, wilfully obtuse and very, very talky. But it’s a delicacy, not a feast, and catching it in the right mood could leave you with one of the year’s more rewarding cinema experiences.

You wake up one morning, only to discover that your parents have abandoned you in the homestead to fend for yourself. And at Christmastime no less! What now? If you were Kevin McAllister, you’d fearlessly defend yourself and your domicile against the invading hordes. But you’re not, so crack open mama’s special Grand Marnier and drink until your retinas detach.

French film monthly Premiere has announced that Wes Anderson’s Moonrise Kingdom will be opening Cannes Film Festival 2012. To save you from having to find a French newsagent/actually read any French, here are the predicted titles that have us wishing that we could spend a week on Brangelina’s fuck-off-huge yacht…

It’s official; Prometheus is already the most influential film ever made.

Morality is wicked, but is it always important and when should it be overlooked, if at all? If Not Us, Who? is full of big questions: if you’re into thinking and interested in German Anarchism, give it a shot.

StudioCanal are re-releasing Jean Renoir’s finest hour back into cinemas, in honour of it’s 75th birthday. Do yourself a huge favour and go; this comic gem is as relevant as it’s ever been.