We’ve gone far too long without anyone playing the music, and don’t even get us started on what’s happened to the lights. Thank goodness then that The Muppets are finally where they belong – back on the big screen and firmly in our hearts. The story might not be the most ambitious one around and the great Frank Oz’s absence can’t help but be felt, but when you’ve got Fozzie Bear in fart-shoes, Dave Grohl on the drums and our ol’ pal Kermit at the centre of it all, it’s difficult to imagine more wholesome family fare.
The dearly departed Shrek franchise is given a welcome dose of prequel shock treatment in this high-octane and utterly shameless Zorro rip-off. THRILL to Puss’ mesmerising swordplay! GASP as Kitty Softpaws steals all of the things, all of the time! WONDER why nobody comments on the sudden plague of accented cats!
Penguins! Hilarious, adorable penguins! If there’s penguins, this must be a good film, right? Only…why do the penguins dance? And sing? What is it all in aid of? If Happy Feet Two was actually a good film, you’d probably be able to put up with its directionless, occasionally very odd tone. But, as things stand, well it’s all just a bit of a wet fish in the face.
There are some people in this world who really love puppies; little girls, mostly, or pre-teens, or middle-aged folks with not a lot else to fill their days. This film is their Holy Grail. It’s as if the Cutest Puppies Of 2011 calendar they have hanging in their bedroom has come to life on screen and, not unexpectedly, it’s annoyingly adorable…
This documentary following the annual World’s Ugliest Dog Contest is sweet, funny and at times, very poignant. PLUS LOOK AT ALL THE FUNNY DOGGIES. They’re so ugly and cute at the same time it blows my mind. Apart from that one with the red eye. That is one terrifying red eye right there.
WARNING: do not watch this film near children, your parents, or vulnerable dogs. Or in an office surrounded by people with eyes. Or alone in a dark room. It’s rapey and also a bit just like porn at times. And there’s a crossbow! And more rape. Just maybe avoid it altogether if you’re not a fan of the things I just said.
Prepare yourself for a relentless onslaught of legendary British voices, classic Aardman stylings, slick 3D and more Christmas spirit than you could shake even a really big candy cane at – it could only be Arthur Christmas. And it’s totally, overwhelmingly charming, just like you knew it would be. What are you doing on a computer? Just go and watch it, Scrooge – and would it kill you to wear a snazzy jumper?