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Tessa Coates

Tessa Coates

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Tessa Coates

I have an almost entirely pointless degree in Biological Anthropology, which means I can’t get a real job, but I can identify and classify all the primates – Rafiki is not a baboon for example, he’s a Mandrillus sphinx. Last Christmas I built a four foot tower of Ferrero Rocher and, having fulfilled that lifetime ambition, now spend my time planning a theatrical adaptation of the ‘critically ill-fated and financially disastrous’ film Grease 2.

Latest Articles

11 February 2013 10:30am

The Expendables 2

Back to deliver yet more gratuitous violence, outrageous plot twists and dreadful puns, Sylvester Stallone and his team have got another job, and this time they're joined by Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme. Subtle nuances and character development there is not, but The Expendables 2 knows exactly what it is and it delivers. Sure, the lines are literally made of cheese, but what's not to love about a bunch of good old fashioned action heroes doing what they do best?

 
26 November 2012 2:11pm

Rise of the Guardians gets new TV spot

Children largely apathetic.

 
17 August 2012 10:24am

John Goodman to be bad man in The Hangover Part III

Please don't make us hate it John

 
17 August 2012 10:07am

First trailer for The Last Stand

Arnie's Back...and he's so, so old

 
16 August 2012 5:04pm

Clone

Matt Smith (yes, Doctor Who) and Eva Green (yes, Eva Green) made this in 2010. Originally called Womb, it had to be rebranded as Clone for the UK DVD release. The story of a woman who clones and gives birth to her dead boyfriend, you'd think this would be amazing sci-fi, or at least amazingly bad, but in fact it's just a beautifully shot, but painfully dull story, lacking the gross factor, the sci-fi factor or even the moral debate about the concept of cloning factor. Matt Smith is great though.