We’re mostly interested in the fact that our brilliant missing leg theories have been debunked – the real leg thief was just Perspective, that raddled old whore. But hey, who are we to complain when some highly-paid actors are making the same two jokes they made eight years ago? Those jokes, for the record, are ‘Ron, Brian and Champ deliver overblown one-liners’ and ‘Brick is disabled’. Here, just watch it:

We’re writing this news story from a hot tub full of who-gives-a-shit. Hey, Will Ferrell? Ain’t that an old-fashioned shot to the nutsack?

What will it take to get us excited about Anchorman 2? Let us know below!

Admiral General Aladeen (Baron Cohen) is the world’s happiest dictator, presiding over the North African nation of Wadiya and spending his days sleeping with American celebrities and blithely ordering the executions of anyone who insults his intelligence/gets the cereal toy in their bowl instead of him. But Aladeen finds his world turned upside down when he is is betrayed by his jealous brother Tamir (Ben Kingsley) whilst visting the US. Managing to escape from the clutches of a would-be assassin (an amusing turn from John C. Reilly), Aladeen takes to the streets of New York, stripped of his formidable beard and expensive robes, and is taken in by the feminist, wholefood-store-owning Zoey (Faris). Before long he is an employee of the store, implementing his distinctive managerial techniques and naming himself “Supreme Grocer”, whilst also hatching a plan to claim back his title.

As you might have guessed, the plot isn’t so much important as by-the-by, a loosely adhered to series of events which enable the hilariously crude setpieces – Aladeen and Zoey romantically joining hands inside the birth canal of a woman in labour springs to mind most readily. And the laughs certainly come early on – starting with a dedication to Kim Jong-Il – continuing right up to the “what happened next” snapshots as the credits roll. It’s not all rollicking good fun, admittedly. Certain moments elicited an almost uncomfortable silence from the audience not because they were offensive, but largely because they were unfunny, needless tangents. Somehow, when the likable Aladeen makes an off-topic stupid joke it’s OK. But when it’s a sideline character, such as immoral oil tycoon Mr Lao (Bobby Lee) ridiculing his non-English-speaking wife, the effect is pointless and a little mean.

Elsewhere though, Anna Faris throws herself into the performance with gusto, readily poking fun at herself – and at the modern preoccupation with the uber-PC, ultra-leftie lifestyle – and gamely parading her unshaved armpits for laughs. Really, Faris’s performance, alongside Baron Cohen’s audaciously shameless and utterly lovable turn, reflects the feel of this film – it’s big and broad and takes almost nothing seriously. There’s no real cruelty to be found here and, although it’s not exactly a world-changing satire, it’s commendable that Baron Cohen and Charles have attempted to make a film that says something important, even if it is wrapped up in layer upon layer of penis jokes.

A little hackneyed though it may be, Aladeen’s final speech to the watching world – in which he unwittingly draws achingly accurate comparisons between the United States’s supposed “democracy” and the dictatorship rule of Wadiya – is a moment that will stay with you after the credits roll. Will The Dictator do much to change things? No. Will Sacha Baron Cohen ever give up acting to become a political crusader? It seems unlikely (he wouldn’t be able to wear a fake beard, for starters). But for a film that is so inherently silly, The Dictator does make you think about the state of modern politics, and in a far more entertaining way than watching the evening news. Who knows, perhaps this is the future of political education.

Aspiring businessman Sam (Roberts) has got big dreams – he fancies himself as an ‘entertainment fixer’ and has long planned to open a restaurant with his friend Elliott (Anthony Welsh), but for now he’s stuck as a bellboy at the Mandarin Oriental. The tyrannical concierge Mr Morgan (Geoff Bell) sends Sam on an errand to have a watch altered for a guest, but Sam stops off to grab dinner at the cafe where Elliott works. He ends up in a terribly English tussle for the last risotto with Mary (Poots), a friend of Elliott’s who compliments Sam on his watch (or, rather, the guest’s watch that he’s decided to pop on) and invites him to visit Clara, the vintage jewellery shop where she works.

Needless to say, Clara is exactly where Sam’s headed. He arrives and does his best to pretend that he’s a well-heeled browser, but cantankerous proprietor Charlie (Spall) isn’t buying it and neither is Mary. Fortunately (after a fashion), the pressure is taken off Sam when two gentlemen in masks enter the shop, shoot another customer dead and barricade themselves inside. Cameron (McKidd) and Clegg (Josef Altin) have come for the Stahl Papillon, a priceless butterfly brooch in Charlie’s possession, and they don’t seem to care how many people they need to shoot to get to it. The shutters are down and there’s no way out – Charlie, Mary and Sam are trapped together with nothing but the whim of a psychotic robber standing between them and the prospect of having their brains sprayed across the earring display. It’s not the ideal place to attempt a seduction, but for Sam this really hasn’t been an ideal day…

Here’s the thing. Comes a Bright Day is an enormously funny film. It’s frequently a very touching film. Once in a while, it’s a reasonably thrilling film. But it can’t quite manage to be all three at once. One suspects that Simon Aboud has tried a little too hard to be all things to all people with this, his first feature, but it’s hard to dislike him for it – I just wanted to step behind the camera and tell the poor fellow to calm down. He will most certainly have other films in which to explore the genres he didn’t manage to do justice to this time round, since more or less every single scene in Comes a Bright Day is a thing of surpassing beauty. The limited environment of Charlie’s shop is well used, with one robber dominating the front of the shop and the other the back room. Charlie, Mary and Sam spend almost the entire second act sitting in one of two cramped corners, intensifying their well-honed dialogue beautifully.

However competent his writing and however good his eye for a striking shot, Aboud was very lucky in his cast. Craig Roberts is earnest, nervous and very slightly uncomfortable as wannabe hustler Sam, and Timothy Spall’s gravelly tones and patrician attitude are warming and worryingly sexy. Surely I shouldn’t be fancying Timothy Spall at my time of life? I’ve seen other reviews claim that Imogen Poots (28 Days Later) is the true star of the show, but although her glacial performance is certainly striking it’s Charlie who really holds things together, forging more believable relationships with both Sam and Mary than they really manage with each other. The supporting cast is adequate but doesn’t have enough time to shine, although Kevin McKidd’s gloriously deranged Cameron is a joy to watch. “I AM GOING TO COME AND SHOOT SOMEBODY!”, Cameron booms cheerfully from the back room of the shop after discovering Charlie’s been fibbing to him about something or other, and his jolly intensity is more frightening than the snarl of even the most heavily scarred Hollywood hit-man.

Make no mistake, Comes a Bright Day is a good film – well cast, well written, well shot and genuinely entertaining. Give Simon Aboud a few years to get himself in check and he’ll probably be making great films; and then you’ll be able to produce your DVD of that interesting film he made with Craig Roberts back in 2012, and talk authoritatively about how you preferred Aboud (you’ll be calling him ‘Aboud’ by then, trust) before he got all polished and perfect. It’ll probably be a more sure-fire pulling technique than producing a diamond brooch… and trust us, you can’t afford Timothy Spall’s prices.

The film, which will star Anthony Hopkins and Annette Bening alongside Garcia, is set to tell the story of Ernest Hemingway’s abiding friendship with Gregorio Fuentes, the first mate of his fishing boat Pilar. OBVIOUSLY Ernest Hemingway had a fishing boat. How else would he get close enough to sharks to shoot them with a machine gun?

N.B. this is not hyperbole. Ernest Hemingway actually used to shoot sharks with a machine gun. He also cruised the waters around Florida during the Second World War with a high-tech radar set-up, planning to attack any U-Boats he encountered with a stash of hand grenades. LAD.

Anyway, Fuentes was the first mate on the Pilar and is popularly supposed to have been the inspiration for the title character in Hemingway’s The Old Man and the Sea, although pretty much everyone relevant has refuted this. Gregorio Fuentes lived to 104, which is basically the whole argument in his favour. He still sounds like an interesting chap, though, so good for him. Garcia (who also wrote the script with Hemingway’s niece Hilary) will play Fuentes in the film whilst Hopkins takes on the role of the ageing but still unremittingly badass Hemingway. Annette Bening is due to play the author’s third wife Mary Welsh Hemingway.

Corey Stoll’s stunning performance as Hemingway in Woody Allen’s Midnight in Paris (above) will take some beating… but if anyone’s up to the task it’s Hopkins, who’s currently starring as the eponymous director in Alfred Hitchcock and the Making of Psycho. Production on Hemingway & Fuentes is due to begin in January.

Have you ever shot a shark? Have you bollocks.

Wood stars in the rather grisly looking Maniac; a re-make of an 80s slasher about a serial killer who enjoys scalping his victims, placing their bloodied hair on mannequins and talking to them as if they were his dead mother. Splendid. Please bear in mind, this probably isn’t for In Work watching…

Delicious, eh? All joking aside, we do like to see Elijah do his sinister thing, and by all accounts this promises to be a dark, lovely-hair-based, properly grown-up horror. And all this from Alexandre Aja, the writer of Piranha – who’d have thunk it?

Have you managed to keep your breakfast down? Well done you.

Douglas was originally planning to appear alongside Dustin Hoffman and Christopher Walken, but they moved on to pastures new when the project was shelved a few years ago. It did look like the Wall Street star was definitely going to die, though, so fair play.

Last Vegas is a post-Hangover ensemble comedy about four friends who reunite in Vegas for Douglas’ character’s engagement. We know De Niro will be playing the most party-averse member of the gang, but as yet nothing’s been revealed about Freeman’s character. We’re guessing he’ll either be playing God or the Easy Reader:

He’s such a hepcat. Assuming Freeman signs on the dotted line, the big question now is who will complete the quartet of elderly mischief-makers. Any thoughts?

Who else would you like to see join Last Vegas? Let us know below!

We’re being bastards, obviously, but it’s only because a bit soul-rending story ‘inspired by true events’ ends up going the way of Extremely Loud And Incredibly Close far more often than it does that of Erin Brockovitch. Still, let’s let the moving noises do the talking:

Now, we don’t want to alarm anyone, but Daniel Barnz – the director and writer of Won’t Back Down, was also the director and writer of Beastly. Yes Beastly, The Beauty And The Beast mutation that starred that lass out of High School Musical and a magical Olsen twin. We’re not saying that his crimes against cinema so far should prevent him from ever making any film again, but it’s a bit what we’re saying. Should we give him a break and just try and look forward to Won’t Back Down? Probably.

Thoughts? Worries? Hopes? Come to the front of the class please…

The rising star is set to join Rudd and veteran SNL comedienne Amy Poehler in what is being touted as a rom-com parody; a tale about a heartless leader of a global corporation who threatens to crush the delicate soul of cute knick-knack shop owner – oooh, sick burn, You’ve Got Mail. The film is called They Came Together (yeah, we’re already fans) and though there’s as yet no word on what role Greenfield will be playing, it’ll be very interesting to see if he can break free of the neurotic, arrogant and altogether wonderfully horrendous personality that made him a star.

Do you own as many kimonos as Schmidt? Talk to us.