A series of emails from Nicolas Cage’s former agent

From: “Dollar” Bill Rosenburg AG
To: The Cage
Subject: Congrats!
Date: 3 Dec 1995 at 8:32 PM

Nic, baby! Just wanted to say congratulations again on Leaving Las Vegas – strong stuff, very strong. I’m smelling nominations all over this puppy. You feeling that? Respect of your peers and all that. If only the respect of your peers could put my kids through college, huh? (MASSIVE joke!)

Best,

Bill

Ps Oh yeah before I forget, I’m sending over a script called The Rock. It’s an action thing – maybe a change of pace, huh?

From: “Dollar” Bill Rosenburg AG
To: The Cage
Subject: Re: Disappointed…
Date: 3 Feb 1996 at 10:25 AM

Hey Nic. Sorry you feel that way – I absolutely am not trying to “crush the integrity” of your “creative manhood” between the “twin pincers of money and fame” like a couple of “lonely desert grapes”. (By the way, that’s good stuff. Schedule a meeting re: possibility of you writing your own material? Just a thought.)

The point I was trying to make is, you’re hot right now. The Oscar for that Vegas thing? Done deal. (So I pulled a few strings for my favourite client – sue me, haha!) This Rock movie has got MASSIVE HIT written all over it, and they want to pay you big dollar to do it, Nic, Johnnie Cochran dollar. If it pops – and believe me, it will – we can write our own ticket from there on in. Whatever you want to do, you want to do more of those little art house flicks that no-one sees? You got it. I’m not here because of the fifteen percent, Nic, I’m here because I’m your friend. You know?

You know, right?

Bill

From: “Dollar” Bill Rosenburg AG
To: The Cage
Subject: Re: In your face, Penn!
Date: 26 Mar 1996 at 8:11 PM

Hey Nic, yes I did see Sean’s face when you won last night (I was there, if you remember? Forgot to thank me though didn’t you? Haha, no that’s cool. Ha.) Glad to hear you enjoyed your first day shooting on The Rock. Yes, I do like your Sean Connery ‘impreshion’, though it probably loses a bit of fizz in email form.

Lunch at the Polo Lounge next week?

Bill

From: “Dollar” Bill Rosenburg AG
To: The Cage
Subject: Credibility
Date: 27 July 1997 at 11:44 AM

Hey Nic, about that strategy meeting we had last week. Your reincarnation as a for-real action star has pleased no-one more than me (Ker-ching!!! Am I right???) but like I said at the meeting, I’m worried you’re losing a little of your original fan-base, namely these dried-up middle-aged housewives that have been digging your whole ‘soulful’ thing since you did Moonstruck. Also, I think our plan of regaining some acting credibility is a good idea, because – like you say – that bastard Penn has been spouting shit about ‘the craft’ again in an effort to show you up.

So, yeah, I’m on the case. Why? Because you’re my BOY.

Check it – You and Meg-mothafuckin-Ryan are in love, only it can’t work because your character is… an angel! Or a ghost (whatever) the point is it’s a remake of some foreign hot shit picture that no-one’s heard of and with you and Meg staring each other out over that forbidden love, those housewives are gonna be needing friggin’ mops to clean that shit up. You know?

Trust me – this is the one. Make room on your mantelpiece for Oscar number 2.

Bill

From: “Dollar” Bill Rosenburg AG
To: The Cage
Subject: Re: City of Angels? CITY OF ANGELS??>?
Date: 24 April 1998 at 9:01 AM

That’s… yeah, now, that’s my bad. Sorry about that.

From: “Dollar” Bill Rosenburg AG
To: The Cage
Subject: Nic Cage OWNS the 2000’s…
Date: 31 Dec 1999 at 11:52 PM

Hey Nic, how’s my boy? Yeah I’m just chilling in the office, taking care of a few things before the whole world ends, haha, but… no but seriously man, wnat you to knoww I love you man, it’s like you’re my son, or my bro or somthing. Shit…

Pretty fcukin high & wasted right now man, Marice left me, so… Yeah, toojk the kids and just went man, so… Screw it, I got you mY MAIN MAn, right? You should… are yu at home right now? We should hang out, screw this new millenium thing, just hang out like best buds… Ha, I’m sure you’re busy. Bu7t get bvack to me if you’re not, I’ll be here all night, jus watching the city, magining what it would look like if the hole thing jst BURND, you know?

From: “Dollar” Bill Rosenburg AG
To: The Cage
Subject: Re: This Charlie Kaufman thing
Date: 12 Jun 2001 at 11:30 AM

Nic, I can only reiterate what I said at our last meeting: as your agent – and your friend – I cannot stress strongly enough how bad an idea I think this project is. This Kaufman guy is a flake, and, what, they want you to play brothers? In a wig? It’s just so gimmicky, Nic, it’s… it’s beneath you. Steer clear, that’s my advice.

Best,

Bill

Ps Actually, one thing I do like is the wig idea. We should look into this, maybe make it your ‘thing’? Stick a pin in it until our next meeting, anyway…

From: “Dollar” Bill Rosenburg AG
To: The Cage
Subject: Action movie?
Date: 15 Dec 2006 at 6:19 PM

Seasons greetings! Hope all is well with you – we’re still buds, right? Haha. We are, though? I still can’t believe World Trade Center bombed like that, and you should pardon the pun. Okay, so it didn’t do great box office, that happens (God knows, that happens), but to slate you like that, that’s personal. Personal and un-American. That’s the goddamn liberal elite for you. (Yeah I know Oliver’s a leftie, but still…) And The Wicker Man, I mean… remaking a weird English horror film with you in the lead, who could know that would fail?

I was thinking maybe we should get back to doing what we do best. There’s a script for an action film sitting on my desk called Bangkok Dangerous… Guess who I think would be perfect for it?

Bill

From: “Dollar” Bill Rosenburg AG
To: The Cage
Subject: Follow up to Kick-Ass and Lieutenant
Date: 19 Mar 2010

Hey Nic, following on from what they’re apparently calling ‘The comeback of the century’ (how can it be a comeback when you never went away, right?) I have got the two primo projects that are going to put you over the TOP. Just – look, these are the ones, okay? You trusted me once, trust me again, Nic. Okay? Will you trust me? Trust me.

The two projects are called The Sorcerer’s Apprentice and Season of the Witch. BLAM! See you at the Oscars, baby!

From: “Dollar” Bill Rosenburg AG
To: The Cage
Subject: (No subject)
Date: 26 Jan 2011 at 1:31 PM

Nic?

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