There are two kinds of people in this world, those who recognise a quote from a Sergio Leone film, and those who dig. You dig. We’re getting drunk to the strains of Clint Eastwood’s growl and Ennio Morricone’s soundtrack, so I hope you stock some sippin’ whiskey. So cock your single-action Colt Peacemakers, light up your cigarillo and sharpen your stetson, we’re goin’ out West. Spaghetti West. And John Wayne ain’t invited.

Take one sip:

Whenever anyone spits

Considering how dry it looks to be in the Wild West, it seems unwise to lose as much moisture as the assorted cast members seem to throughout these movies. This includes when Clint Eastwood spits out the end of his cigar.

For each nameless dude gunned down

When The Man With No Name really starts fanning the hammer, this can get seriously destructive.

Whenever Lee Van Cleef has an excellent mustache

I know that’s technically all the time, but you know… Whenever the light really catches it.

Whenever the camera focuses on someone’s eyes for more than three second

If you want to really kill yourself, you can keep drinking until it stops. Good luck with the duels.

Still upright, Old Man? Saddle up properly, then, ’cause we’re ridin’ into Drunksville.

Take two sips:

Whenever Clint Eastwood and Lee Van Cleef clearly want to kiss

Do it!

For every non-named (or barely named) dude gunned down in a duel

Usually when the bad guy needs to prove he’s arbitrarily the best and killing just everyone.

Whenever the dubbing becomes glaringly obvious

Interestingly, the mixture American, Spanish and Italian cast all spoke in their native tongues and were later overdubbed. Largely because Leone blared the music SUPER LOUD throughout shooting.

Every time Clint Eastwood flips his poncho over his shoulder

Because shit is about to go DOWN.

Take three sips:

Whenever the camera follows a gun barrel about to fire… but it’s the sniper that gets shot instead

If they’d just taken the shot, it’d all be over, but they have to ham it up for the camera.

Whenever something that isn’t a person gets shot

If you’re feeling brave, one for each shot used on it.

When anything gets the shit dynamited out of it

This includes bridges, buildings or anything that is just dynamited all up.

Whenever a named character dies at the end of a CLIMACTIC SHOWDOWN

You’ll know when this happens because you’ll realise you stopped breathing.

DOWN IT MARSHAL:

When Clint Eastwood makes it clear how his mule feels about laughing

Gets the crazy idea you’re laughing at him…

When Tuco kills a dude while having a bath

Don’t worry, the bubbles protect his modesty. Actually, he doesn’t have any modesty, but they protect his cock.

As soon as the tension becomes unbearable in the three-way showdown

We reckon it’s about five minutes in to the super close shots of squinting.

When you hear the Man With No Name’s name

It’s not “Blondie”, that’s for damn sure, but it’s there if you listen close.

Good luck and good shooting. ‘Cause if you can’t hunt bounties, hunt some booze!