Friday Drinking Game #81 – Trees
Take one sip
When the tree is wiser than human beings
Plants are pretty good at bestowing advice in the movies. It’s usually life advice, or advice on how to overcome an obstacle. Such pearls of wisdom are usually accompanied with a catchy, life-affirming soundbite like “Sometimes the right path is not the easiest one”, or “Always wear a vest in the winter” or “Wash, brush, floss, flush”. Or something.
When a tree is used as a hiding place
Trees, being high above the ground, make ideal places for characters to hide when being pursued by something untoward. In The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, plucky hobbits Merry and Pippin are chased by an Orc and take refuge up a tree. However it turns out to be no ordinary tree, but the head and body of Treebeard. What are the chances, eh?
When a tree is lived in
This is limited to woodland characters like squirrel and fairies. This can include humans who have simply decided on a particular lifestyle choice. There are few things cooler than a tree house – except a tree house with a built-in ice cream bar. But that’s by the by.
Take two sips
When a tree is the centre of an ecosystem
Trees are pretty good at supporting nature, so no wonder some movies choose to include one at the centre of an entire world’s ecosystem. And if Hollywood is to be believed, trees are a dab hand at looking after people’s souls after they’ve died. Here’s hoping the aphids stay away.
When a tree is a portal to hell/other world
Who knows what lurks within those ominous looking holes at the base of tree trunks. Satan, according to some films; or even an alternate fantasy universe. Why a tree in particular acts as a gateway is beyond us. Perhaps they usually allow enough room for a person to squeeze through.
When a tree does battle
CHAAAAAAAAARGE! Trees have got it going on when it comes to fisticuffs. What human being could possibly stand a chance against a tree. One swipe of their branches would knock a person into next Christmas. Going to war with a tree would be futile.
Take three sips
When a tree is used as a mode of transport
More often than not the form of travelling would be swinging through said trees like a jungle VIP. This way, the hero of the film can get from A to B in a matter of seconds without his or her feet touching the ground. And the best part – the trees always run on time, aren’t delayed by six minutes for no reason at all (Southern Rail, we’re looking at you), and there’s no businessman expressing his ironic love of acid house at full volume.
When a tree kills humans
They’ve got a bloody cheek those trees, turning on the very people who planted and nurtured them from seed. Whether it’s by way of poisoning the masses by emitting neurotoxins leading to mass suicide(The Happening), or laying waste to Hugh Jackman (The Fountain) – trees can be deadly so make sure you’re treating them right. No more carving “AB 4 CD” into their trunks.
SEE IT OFF! LEAF NOTHING BEHIND!
When a tree has a human form
Get well and truly watered when a tree manages to turn into a human. The Odd Life of Timothy Green saw Jennifer Garner discover a hybrid tree-boy who brought joy and light to her world. Sadly the film didn’t bring joy and light to our world because it was naff.