Orange(Wednesday)s and Lemons #101
*John Underwood has fallen from the ranks at BFF, leaving tensions at an all-time high as the interns begin a bloody battle to take his place as leader. Which films will they be forging an alliance with as they give in to their most mutinous desires…?*
Carlotta (sitting in John’s chair – and LOVING it):
No use squeezing juice where there isn’t any fruit. For this reason my Lemon will be shoved in the hideous direction of Warm Bodies because it looks ridiculous and fruitless. FRUITLESS! I have so many problems with Nicholas Hoult anyway, mainly because he can’t act. But nothing NOTHING about the film looks remotely funny or redeeming, apart from that the fact that Hoult is a zombie which technically means that he’s dead. Zom-coms are dangerous territory anyway, rarely do they feature many original jokes that aren’t about zombies being brain dead (HAHAHAHA… no). Swapping fruit baskets, my Orange goes to Wreck-It Ralph – wholly entertaining, funny, imaginative, original and a great addition to Disney’s computer-animated shelf. It’s also perfect for any retro gamer feeling the nostalgic blues – it features Sonic the Hedgehog, Mario Kart-style racing and yes, even first shooter games. AND YOU CAN PLAY THEM ALL ONLINE!
Orange Choice: Wreck-It Ralph
Ultimate Lemon: Warm Bodies
Ray (sharpening his best backstabbing knife):
This week, my Orange will have to go to No. I have, of course, always had a particularly deep interest in the struggles of the Latin American republics to shake off the oppressive western-backed dicatorships that choked the life out of them from the early seventies (who hasn’t?). Aside from that there is obviously the attraction of another leading turn by BFF’s favourite Mexican, Gael Garcia Bernal. And finally, Chile looks like the kind of country I’d like to visit, but since I’m broke, I’ll settle for a film about it instead.
The lemon will have to be I Give It a Year. I’m sick of every shitty British comedy like this having a big quote plastered on the front of bus posters saying “The funniest British comedy in years!” I resent the decline of British comedy to a collection of rom-coms about middle-class Londoners discussing their pathetic love-lives over latte’s while indulging in ‘banter’ about gardening tools. I blame Richard Curtis and Hugh Grant, the fuckers. Here guys, have a squirt of lemmon in your smug eyes!
Orange Choice: No
Ultimate Lemon: I Give It A Year
Kayleigh (referring to herself as “editor” at every possible opportunity):
My lemon this week is going, without any shadow of a doubt, straight into the smug faces of those Beautiful Creatures. Supernatural love affair? Ridiculously attractive teenagers? Emmy Rossum loudly protesting that it’s nothing LIKE Twilight, regardless of all evidence to the contrary? Can I get a resounding “HELL NO!” from y’all out there? Exactly. My orange, on the other hand, shall be bestowed upon the altar of Wreck-It Ralph, along with the promise of my first born child to the Disney Gods. Retro video games meets Pixar and John C. Reilly? HELLO! I doubt I’ve ever wanted to see anything more than I have Bowser and the Pacman ghosts sitting together sorrowfully at Video Game Villains Anonymous. Will Lara Croft show up? Is Donkey Kong going to make an appearance? And what does Sonic have to say about everything? I have absolutely no idea but I can’t wait to find out. Bring me a cinema immediately – I wish to partake in some serious nostalgia.
*Fair enough. Flossie, you ready for your final hoot?*
Flossie (preparing to leave Best For Film Towers forever):
Catching my attention this week is I Wish, the new film from Japanese director Hirokazu Koreeda. I loved Nobody Knows and this looks like another beautiful Ozu-style drama. Word on the street is its a moving and sensitive story of pre-teen life. I can’t wait.
My lemon this week has got to be I Give It A Year. After watching the trailer I thought there might be a few laughs in it, but I was deeply disappointed when I saw it in the cinema last weekend. Low on laughs and littered with poor performances from Rose Byrne, Rafe Spall and Stephen Merchant, the only believable character was Olivia Colman (who can do no wrong) as a marriage councilor. I left the cinema wondering what the last good British romantic comedy I’ve seen was, and decided it may be as far back as Love, Actually (2004). But perhaps Run For Your Wife (due out tomorrow) will impress?
Orange Choice: I Wish
Ultimate Lemon: I Give It A Year
*And there flies Flossie’s last OWL. Anyone else have a lump in their throat? Go drown your sorrows at a showing of Wreck-It Ralph, stat!*