Orange(Wednesday)s and Lemons #105
*Best For Film Towers stands strong and united amidst all of that biological warfare going on around us. Bloody enemies and their bloody underhand germ tactics, eh? Despite all of our coughs and sniffles and gently sweating brows, we’ve managed to pull ourselves together just long enough to get an important message out to our fellow film lovers…*
John (doubling up on sweater vests):
I’ve never been happier to bestow an Orange than I am this week, because my favourite film of all time is currently in cinemas. To celebrate its 25th anniversary, The Princess Bride is enjoying a well-deserved theatrical rerelease – if you haven’t seen it and you don’t intend to catch up this week, then we should probably just go our separate ways. Inconceivable. My lemon is heading Stateside to squirt some acidic tough love into the face of Jason Statham, whose latest effort Parker is absolute nonsense. Who gave permission for Jennifer Lopez to start doing films again, anyway?
Orange Choice: The Princess Bride
Ultimate Lemon: Parker
Megan (voluntarily under house arrest):
My lemon this week goes without hesitation or reservation to The Guilt Trip. I am yet to find a single movie in which Seth Rogen is even remotely funny and I highly doubt this collaboration with Barbra Streisand is going to be the one to change my mind.
My orange, on the other hand, would most definitely be used to see Robot and Frank because:
1) it is said to involve a heist and I LOVE heist movies
2) it features a robot who just looks precious and I LOVE robots!
Pretty simple really.
Orange Choice: Robot And Frank
Ultimate Lemon: The Guilt Trip
Short, simple and to the point; excellent work! Kayleigh, you’re not looking great…?
Kayleigh (miserably googling symptoms of leprosy):
The only thing that is going to get me through this week – and I mean the ONLY thing – is a trip down the yellow brick road to see Oz The Great And Powerful. I need magic, I need nostalgia, I need a trio of unfathomably pretty witches and I need a lukewarm battle between sort-of-good and sort-of-evil. It’s all I can handle at the moment – think chicken soup for the eyes, yeah? My lemon, on the other hand, is going to be squeezed – as promised – directly into the eyes of Safe Haven novelist Nicholas Sparks. Sure, it’s a waste of good Vitamin C… but there’s always a chance those citric acids will melt his corneas, leaving him blind and incapable of writing another yet version of The Notebook. Fingers crossed!
Orange Choice: Oz The Great And Powerful
Ultimate Lemon: Safe Haven
As Kayleigh disappears headfirst into a pile of discarded tissues, we look to Nina to… wait, where’s Nina?
Nina (missing, presumed working from home):
I have been finding it intriguing that people are either really angry or really happy when they talk about Park Chan-wook’s American debut, Stoker. It seems to have divided people to the extremes. So I think this Wednesday I’ll scoot off to the cinema and SOLVE THIS CONUNDRUM ONCE AND FOR ALL. I have a feeling I may be one of the happy people though, I even liked his whacky romantic comedy I’m a Cyborg, But That’s Okay and I thought his (otherwise messy) horror film, Thirst was saved by that extended scene in the desert when the vampires have that big fight. And what’s not to like about the trailer? Nicole Kidman does that shaky voice/watery eye thing she does, there’s a dead guy in the freezer and a supernatural looking murder in a phone box. Oh, and it’s about a ‘sexual awakening’ – hello Wednesday night out! My lemon, on the other hand, is most definitely going on Guilt Trip this week. Only because I’m guessing the premise doesn’t reach past the fact she’s HIS MOM, so she does TYPICAL MOM THINGS, like EMBARRASS HIM with her MOM ANTICS, then they go on a road trip and learn that they’re not so different after all blah, blah, blah.
Orange Choice: Stoker
Ultimate Lemon: Guilt Trip
We’ll treasure the bloodied scrap of paper Nina scrawled her OWL upon. Sarah, it’s up to you now!
Sarah (self-medicating with good coffee):
Wreck-It Ralph might be aimed at children but adults and in particular gamers will get a real kick out of this. Colourful, noisy, touching, hilarious, geeky and downright frightening towards the boss level at the end; see it while you still can. Being a kids’ film you might have a bit of trouble finding a screening you can get to before the end of the working day. But if you think you’re able to: DO IT DO IT DO IT. Round up some friends and see how many gaming references you can spot. Also, listen out for the bubbly slice of J-pop over the end credits that you’ll definitely want to download. Ralph’s an Orange.
Hopefully Jason Statham doesn’t hunt me down like an enraged baked bean for saying this but Parker is my Lemon this week. Wreck-It Ralph is exciting enough to get your attention and keep it. Parker gets dull as soon as Jennifer Lopez is forced to strip down to her underwear. Not only does Parker draw a bad performance out of a usually solid Michael Chiklis; it may have launched the acting career of Lopez, who had such a fun experience shooting the movie she has threatened to return to acting. If I were The Stath I’d make sure no one ever mentioned this film again. Or those Kit-Kat ads.
Orange Choice: Wreck-It Ralph
Ultimate Lemon: Parker
*So, as our stalwart defenders of Best For Film Towers head back to bed to do battle with those pesky bugs, it’s up to YOU join the fight for good movies everywhere. What are you watching at the cienma later?*