Orange(Wednesday)s and Lemons #106
*Best For Film Towers stands oddly silent on this oh-so-grey day. Nina has been spirited away in the dead of the night, presumably by Ring Wraiths, and Captain Underwood staggered in this morning clutching at some pretty nasty-looking wounds. With only Sarah, Megan and Kayleigh strong enough to pick up arms, it seems as if all might be lost before it’s even begun…*
John (insisting he’s been stabbed by a Morgul-blade):
Realistically, the only thing I’m going to do this week is go and see The Princess Bride again. But since you’re probably not as hopelessly in love with Westley as I am, you should check out Michael H. Profession: Director – everyone’s in love with Haneke after his Cannes victory and spoof Twitter account, and it never hurts to be clued up. Obviously, if you watch Welcome to the Punch you’re a complete shoe who deserves to waste ninety minutes watching James McAvoy milk the fluid from his ulcerated leg (this really happens).
Orange Choice: Profession: Director
Ultimate Lemon: Welcome To The Punch
Someone get that man an aspirin, stat! Megan, you have anything to add to that…?
Megan (bowing under the pressure of the One Ring):
I was planning on making The Incredible Burt Wonderstone my lemon of the week, based on the sole reason that Jim Carrey would eventually annoys me to much to bear. But I’ve just watched the trailer and have to admit that it looks quite entertaining. I mean, Steve Carrell, Steve Buscemi AND magic! How can this go wrong? So, albeit sheepishly, I have changed my mind completely and given it my vote of orange. My lemon instead will go wholeheartedly to Red Dawn. In fact, if you would give me lemons to throw at the movie poster I think I might be suitably more entertained than if I was watching it. It’s a ridiculous story that not even the greatest imagination could suspend belief for. Plus the original does it so much better.
Orange Choice: The Incredible Burt Wonderstone
Ultimate Lemon: Red Dawn
We think we’ve got necklash from THAT quick turnaround. Sarah, you’ve definitely 100% made up your mind, yeah?
Sarah (wearing a Mithril vest under her cowgirl shirt):
James McAvoy is doing pretty spectacular things in the West End as Macbeth, so if you’ve seen it and are hankering for more J-Mac, or if you haven’t seen it but want to see what James can do acting-wise; I recommend Welcome To The Punch. It isn’t up there with the likes of End of Watch or 21 Jump Street, but it’s a gazillion times better than The Sweeney. So if you fancy some mindless mid-week movie mayhem where you don’t have to think too much, Welcome To The Punch is for you. Nicolas Cage gets my Lemon vote this week for Stolen, possibly his worst film since Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance. Cage tries to emulate the far superior Liam Neeson in this hackneyed tale of a man trying to rescue his kidnapped daughter. I still believe that the nephew of Francis Ford Coppola (a fact I only found out about a fortnight ago) can come back from the rut that he’s got himself into career-wise, but until then – STOLEN SUCKS.
Orange Choice: Welcome To The Punch
Ultimate Lemon: Stolen
And, once again, Nicolas Cage finds his ego battered by the Best For Film Troops. Strong work, Sarah. Kayleigh, put DOWN the box of matches!
Kayleigh (lighting the beacons in a desperate bid for military aid):
Have you ever wondered what it would be like if Frodo HAD succumbed to his wounds and become an evil, albeit diminutive, Ring Wraith? New horror film Maniac sort of (not really) does just that, placing Elijah Wood firmly in the guise of bad guy and letting him wreak havoc with a big sharp knife. The first person POV may get a little grating for some, but there’s no denying that this uncomfortable celebration of all things creepy and stalker-like is bound to deliver the goods for die-hard horror nuts everywhere. orange. My lemon goes to The Incredible Burt Wonderstone, because it is an affront to all good film magicians everywhere. Take your slapstick comedy and your pure white rabbits and shove them up your left nostril, Steve Carell. You’re so much better than this.
Orange Choice: Maniac
Ultimate Lemon: The Incredible Burt Wonderstone
The beacons may have been lit, but the hour of battle is already nigh – was Kayleigh too late with her tinderbox? Will anyone out there ride to Best For Film’s aid? Wait… we think see someone on the horizon. It’s quite hard to make out their face but it kinda looks like… no? Really? YES! It’s Papa Neish!
Papa Neish (unfazed by all of these Lord of The Rings references):
If you’re going to the cinema today then you couldn’t really do much better than The Paperboy; not unless you live next door to that one UK cinema that is still showing Cloud Atlas. A film to make you feel feverish, dirty and not a little bit sick, Lee Daniels’ latest is a no-holds-barred affront to taste that really must be seen to be believed. Far less memorable this week (a risk run by any film not willing to feature someone urinating on Zac Efron) is Red Dawn, a remake so loud it could register on the Richter Scale, but so forgettable you would probably fail to notice.
Orange Choice: The Paperboy
Ultimate Lemon: Red Dawn
Thanks Steven! Who’s that behind you?
Florence Vincent (the King of Gondor has returned! AND IT’S A LADY THIS TIME!):
It’s Wednesday! It’s Orange! It’s Orange Wednesday! So for god’s sake get out of the house, go and buy yourself two cinema tickets for the price of one and watch something delightful. Like Side Effects, which I hear is the best thing ever. Or Cloud Atlas which is really long and sometimes you’re laughing at it not with it, but still it’s nice to watch a film where you can’t predict everything that’s going to happen from the first five minutes. Well done, Cloud Atlas! You win at that and also at making Tom Hanks do an Irish accent. On the other hand, there’s Welcome to the Punch which is one of those titles that already makes you mad before you even see the film. Don’t watch that today.
Orange Choice: Side Effects
Ultimate Lemon: Welcome To The Punch
*Thank goodness! We may not be strong of body here at Best For Film, but we’re strong of heart and soul – not to mention never short a loyal soldier. The battle continues until next time, dear friends…*