If Best For Film Towers were located in District 12, we'd be shuddering at the prospect of the 75th OWL and its accompanying Quarter Quell. Fortunately, however, it isn't and we aren't. Instead, we're mostly concerned about the prospect of you accidentally going to a crap film. WE'RE SO SELFLESS DO WHAT WE SAY.

*Times are hard at Best For Film Towers – Tash has left on a quest to track down a shameless villain who, some say, kicks pigs, whilst Papa Neish has fled to warmer climes. Will John and Florence be forced to hold the fort alone?*

John (lone wolf):
This week I’m putting on a great big jumper and recommending that you ship your orange straight to Copenhagen in time to catch a screening of A Royal Affair. This savagely sensual Danish drama tells the true story of an intrigue at the highest levels of European society, but it eschews set pieces and flouncy dresses to channel the gripping spirit of top-class Scandinavian thrillers (as well as fantastic homegrown Danish drama like The Killing). My Lemon goes to Fast Girls – this summer will involve quite enough pretending to give a shit about athletics without putting myself in the way of even more.

Orange Choice: A Royal Affair
Ultimate Lemon: Fast Girls

Florrie (rogue bear):
I never feel that strongly either way about the Wednesday 241. I mean, you get one whole free ticket, right? Who cares if you end up seeing a crappy film. You can laugh about it afterwards over free dough balls. This week, though, I implore you: please do not go anywhere near Red Lights. Don’t even walk by the door of the screen it’s playing in if you can help it. I’m not exaggerating at all here. Red Lights is the worst. It’s so so bad. Laughably so. And it would almost be one of those “so bad it’s good” things if it weren’t so boring. On the other hand, you could probably do worse than seeing Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter this week. It might not be amazing. It will probably be very silly, in fact. I mean, the title says it all. But it has to be better than Red Lights. IT JUST HAS TO.

Orange Choice: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
Ultimate Lemon: Red Lights

*What’s this? A mountain goat has limped up the ramparts and expired on the battlements, pausing only to bleat quietly and spit out a worthless Greek €1000000 note with a few lines scrawled on it. Could it be? It is! Papa Neish’s OWL has got through!*

Papa Neish (cunning Greek):
This week I will be taking my orange to see Rock of Ages. Having both seen and loved Burlesque, warmed to Alec Baldwin over however many seasons of 30 Rock and finally put Hop‘s infernal ‘Pink Berets’ out of my mind (Russell Brand played the Easter Bunny, so it’s almost relevant), I can think of nothing more appealing than an hour and a half of big budget, star spangled karaoke. As for Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, I made the small mistake of watching the trailer.

Orange Choice: Rock of Ages
Ultimate Lemon: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

*What will you be watching? Join us next week to find out whether or not the team has been got back together…*