Spider-Woman – the best superhero you’ve never heard of
We need to talk about Spider-Woman. Specifically, the 1979 Marvel animated Spider-Woman.
It’s (probably) raining; there’s a terrible cold going round Best For Film Towers; and nobody’s done the washing up in an age. Baby animals are dying. Sexism is still a thing. The world is a shambles. It is, in short, a time in which we need a hero.
It is a time in which we need Spider-Woman.
It is a time in which we need this particular Spider-Woman.
Luckily for us, she’s on Netflix. And YouTube.
You might wonder why we’re writing about a kid’s cartoon; we can only direct you to all the reasons above. Spider-Woman would never let us linger in rainy London. Spider-Woman would bring us soup, and Lemsip, and save the tiny tigers. Spider-Woman would kick the sexists into next week, and we know that, because we have passed a productive few hours watching her defeat evil green things hellbent on taking over the Earth, save Spider-Man his very own manly self, and fight some excellent Amazonian warriors. Spider-Woman has a keen interest in history, archaeology and looking excellent in Lycra.
Spider-Woman has everything, is what we’re saying here. Spider-Woman is a reporter for Justice Magazine, “the number one crime magazine in America”. Spider-Woman has “spider sense”, “a protective spider bubble”, “spider telepathy” and a “web of justice”. Spider-Woman has a jetcopter. A JETCOPTER.
“Get to the wire, Jeff- we’ve got to find the scoop on those wild mummies,” says Spider-Woman to her boss. The wild mummies are taking over the world. The wild mummies have got Spider-Man tied up with magic mummy bandages. The wild mummies fly around in purple pyramids full of SCIENCE. The wild mummies even fly to London- which, predictably, is pretty grey- and pinion Spider-Man on the side of Big Ben. The world is doomed, or it would be, if it weren’t for Spider-Woman. “Just got to…call home..to check on my cat,” says Spider-Woman, subtly subverting the domestic paradigm as she goes to change into her secret Spider identity. “I do….love that cat.”
Spider-Woman always wins.
Thrown back in time by ghostly Vikings? Kidnapped by kickass lady Amazon aliens? Victim of the Best For Film Towers plague? Spider-Woman always wins.
Spider-Woman: both the heroine we deserve, and the heroine we need. And, as an aside, really excellent for being ill in front of.