Top 10 Kick-ass Little Girls
Ah, adorable little sweet-hearts aren’t they? No – Wait! Arrgghhh, what are you doing?!! Put those butterfly knives away I was only kidding!!! Stop! No, no, I beg of you, put down the razor ball, don’t even thinking about using Sectumsempra on me you – *guttural noises, flops to floor, raises fist in the air* – Damn you little girls!!!
Here’s the top 10 super hardcore, kick-ass girls that can do stuff like that.
10. Mathilda – Leon
Little Mathilda has no-one. Her whole family is killed by Gary Oldman, the bastard. So what does she do? She stumbles upon a hit man, as you do, and goes about learning his trade so that she can take beautiful revenge upon said bastard. She might not be as physically tough as some of the others on this list but she’s got heart! She wouldn’t be any good in a scrap, and she doesn’t actually kill anyone, but give her a gun, 100-200 metres of clear sight and she just might be able to pick yo’ ass off. Whilst wearing cool circle shades too, probably.
9. Padme Amidala –Star Wars: The Phantom Menace
Check it out! Natalie twice! Well worth the read now wasn’t it? Whereas in episodes 2 and 3 of the franchise destroying prequels to Star Wars Padme is a fully confirmed adult, in The Phantom Menace the Queen of Naboo is a wee 14-year-old whippersnapper. That doesn’t stop her leading a troop of men into battle, slyly disguising herself as a handmaiden and shooting up the side of a building with a Batman style grappling gun. Not bad Your Majesty, not bad. Just try not to fall in love with any latent Sith lords next time, eh?
8. Claudia – Interview With A Vampire
Kirsten Dunst?! Kick-ass?! Well yea – actually – she’s just a bit terrifying as Claudia the Vamp. There is something quite bone shuddering about a young vampire girl who would “appear to her victims as a little angel” then indiscriminately murder them. Then she goes and viciously slices Tom Cruise’s throat to pieces, so there you go. Stay well away.
7. Hanna – Hanna
You wouldn’t think that annoying girl from Atonement could even lift a dandelion without trembling, let alone break a ginger lady’s neck. I guess that means Saoirse Ronan can act? Well that’s good then. Who better to train you up and set you off into the world as a little crazy 16 year-old killing machine than Eric my-second-name-is-the-same-as-the-man-I-played-that-turns-into-the-Hulk Bana. No one, that’s who (well, I could probably come up with a few names). Anyway, she inspired this feature, and is really scary in her pale, blonde, freckly state. That alone makes her pretty hard to me.
6. Carrie White – Carrie
Ok, so ‘kick-ass’ is getting used a little loosely here. She’s more simply terrifying, insane and extremely powerful. If you upset her by, I don’t know, pouring pig’s blood all over her in front of the whole school on prom night, then you’ll get what’s coming to you. Which happens to be an arse load of telekinetic mayhem and pain. Would you mess with her? Well, probably, she deserves it, the little weirdo.
5. Hermione Granger– Harry Potter
Now, Hermione may not automatically spring to mind when you’re thinking kick-ass girls; but let’s review the evidence. She is the single most talented student at Hogwarts, meaning she can hex any bastard that falls into her path. She punches slimy Malfoy in his slimy face in flick number three. She’s been in her fair share of Death Eater battle scenes, holding her own every time. And in The Deathly Hallows she endures being tortured by none other than crazy haired bitch Bellatrix Lestrange. She makes Harry look like a bit of a pussy, quite frankly, and that’s why she makes the list.
4. Eli – Let the Right One In
Now naturally vampires are going to be treble ‘ard. They have super human strength and aren’t afraid to get into a ruck, maybe even bite into a few necks. Eli makes it onto the list, and beats Claudia, because of all these things and much, much more. Her life is rather difficult, you know? She is a lonely little girl who can’t even enter a room unless someone expressly states she can. When her boyfriend Oskar gets bullied at school, however, she rips the bullies’ heads off and leaves them in the pool. She then gives old Oskar a wry smile as if she’d accidentally spurted out “I love you” rather than just decapitated a couple of naïve school kids.
3. Gogo Yubari – Kill Bill Part 1
“Gogo may be young, but what she lacks in age she makes up for in madness”.Trust Tarantino to come up with a Japanese schoolgirl assassin. She is pretty much the coolest fucking thing in the world, swinging her little razor ball around on its chain in her cutesy tartan school skirt. Most people would worry about creating such a dangerous, overly sexualised teenager for the big screen, but not Tarantino, no sir. He lets her lose, making her toy with dirty old men before castrating them with a fucking Samurai sword. One word: awesome. She should have been used more.
2. Hit Girl/Mindy Macready – Kick-ass
The Daily mail called this film “sick” because of its portrayal of Chloe Moretz’ Hit Girl. The article even went as far as to state that “paedophiles are going to adore her”. Most people see the Daily Mail’s hatred of something as bonafide proof that it’s pretty bloody awesome.
Hit-Girl does exactly what she says in, er, her name. She wants nothing more than a tasty set of butterfly knives for her birthday, can take a bullet in the chest and she uses strobe lights to enact one of the coolest fight scenes I’ve ever seen, ending with an ice-cold “show’s over mother-fuckers” before blasting the camera. I mean, come on, that is just rad. And that’s before she single handedly kills a whole corridor of henchman.
1. River Tam – Firefly/Serenity
But at the top sits quiet little River Tam. It was such a shame that the subtle drawing out of River’s incredible skills was totally blown out of the water by the Fox Network’s ridiculous canceling of the magnificent Firefly series (too many adjectives?). River, a 17-year-old child prodigy has her brain prodded and shocked, making her a gibbering, genius fruit-loop. In one episode, thinking she’s playing a game, she looks round a corner mid gun fight, does a quick bit of maths, and kills three people with three simple shots before playfully stating “no power in the ‘verse can stop me”. It’s not until the film Serenity that she goes bloomin’ ape-shit on hundreds of “Reavers”, balletically slaughtering the lot of them. DON’T MESS. ‘NUF SAID.