Top 10 sexy Disney animals
#10 – The Great Prince of the Forest (Bambi)The beautiful big eyes, the proud broad chest and, yes, the overtly phallic set of horns he’s sporting – clearly the animators at Disney had the intention of thoroughly confusing all the little girls and boys. Best of all is his haughty, yet coy expression. He wants you, but doesn’t want you to know that he wants you. Very alluring.
Relationship red flag: Don’t expect Princey-Wincey to be able to commit – he knocked up Bambi’s mother and left her to be killed by hunters. He’s got to look out for number one, after all.
#9 – Shere Khan (The Jungle Book)My myyyy, his voice is like snapping chocolate. Khan is a haughty, dangerous bachelor who pretends to be aloof, but underneath that wonderful coat is a cat who cares. Sort of. His purposeful gait when stalking is especially sexy.
Relationship red flag: He doesn’t like man-cubs overly much. We imagine the first date would get rather awkward when he ate your lower torso for dessert.
#8 – Centaurs (Fantasia)We’re not so sure we should be commenting on the sexiness of these centaurs. For one thing, they’re only *mostly* horse. For another, the girls look awfully young, so let’s just focus on the hunky dudes. If you know your Greek mythology, centaurs were very much like frat boys, in that they would carry you off and use their horse parts on various parts of your body.
Relationship red flag: Not sure they’re into consensual sex
#7 – Lady (Lady and the Tramp)Yes, she’s a dog, but those big red eyes just scream “LOVE ME”. We can’t blame the Tramp for falling head over paws in love, especially when you take into consideration her wealth, and the fact that her attentive owners have probably kept her without fleas or parasites.
Relationship red flag: Bitch will steal yo’ meatballs.
#6 – Robin Hood and Maid Marian (Robin Hood)Definitely the hottest pair on this list, these foxes were definitely created with the corruption of youth in mind. Robin’s swagger belies a kind and generous heart (also, he’s mad hot) and Maid Marian, asides from looking lovely, was voiced by the incomparably, undeniably sexy Monica Evans. You don’t give her a voice-over job without knowing her effect on the audience.
Relationship red flag: When you find one of these rooting around the bins after a hot night of passion, you won’t ever want to kiss them again.
#5 – Hyacinth Hippo (Fantasia)Baby got back, you know what I’m sayin’? Sure, she’s not one would call conventional, but such style, such grace! When she whips out the batted eyelashes, you know your heart’s in trouble. We were thoroughly disappointed that she wasn’t given a role in Black Swan. Yeah it’s a great movie and all, but I’m afraid Mila Kunis performing the Lord’s Kiss on Natalie Portman wasn’t enough to stir this man’s loins. Dancing hippo, please. And some tissues.
Relationship red flag: Crushed pelvis
#4 – O’Malley (The Aristocats)Yes, yes, we all know you love The Duchess (another one of Monica Evans’ characters) but O’Malley was a street-wise, caring, flea-ridden good-for-nothing who loved jazz. There’s nothing cooler than O’Malley. Best of all, he’s just a thoroughly nice guy, embracing the thought of becoming a step-father to the cute but completely unintelligible kittens of Duchess. And yes, everyone does want to be a cat.
Relationship red flag: He’s nocturnal, so expect 3am impromptu jazz sessions featuring Scat Man elucidating and a racist Siamese caricature.
#3 – Bernard and Miss Bianca (The Rescuers)Let’s all pause and remember what an amazing film this was – AND how ruddy terrifying it got, too, with the little girl in the cave with the skull. Ok, done? Good. The mice were hot. Super-hot. Bernard was a down-to-earth yet superstitious adventurer that any lady, or guy (it’s hard to tell his preference), would be lucky to have. Miss Bianca was voiced by Eva Gabor. Enough said.
Relationship red flag: A tendency to crawl inside dark places can leave you surprised if you don’t lay down some ground rules and a safety word first.
#2 – Copper (The Fox and the Hound)You’ll think I’m mad for choosing the Hound over the Fox, if you didn’t already think I was mad for writing an entire blog on what animals I find sexually attractive, but hear me out. Sure, Tod has all the looks (foxes, we’ve established, are hot), but we like to root for the underdog (ha!). His big wide smile, moral dilemma and floppy ears worm their way into our heart, and best of all, he was voiced by Kurt Russell. We’d date Copper for Kurt Russell’s voice alone.
Relationship red flag: The novelty of listening to Kurt Russell’s gruff, manly tones may not seem as sexy after you’ve seen Copper wash himself for the first time.
#1 – Nala (The Lion King)The Lion King’s animals were much less anthropomorphised than the stars of our other Disney films. You won’t find us admitting to a secret desire to wear Pumbaa like a mask. However, Nala was definitely sexualised, especially when she tumbles with Simba. The most sexually-confusing moment in The Lion King for little 6-year-old Vincent Kenny was the dirty lascivious look she gives Simba, as if to say “come hither, gentle sir.”
Relationship red flag: One day you’ll write a blog about how sexy you found Nala in The Lion King and it will show up in Google when a prospective employer searches your name.