Top 10 Worst Attempts At Acting
We’ve all been there. You’re sitting comfortably in a movie theatre, enjoying the popcorn or sugar packed beverage that’s pouring down your throat, and savouring the relaxed time shared with your partner or friends. When suddenly the beautiful peace of your surroundings is destroyed by something that happens on screen. Something that is so terrible, so unbearably embarrassing and utterly cringe worthy that it makes you want to vomit up every meal you eaten since you were twelve. Something by the name of terrible acting. A merciless killer that is trained to destroy your joy and numb your appreciation of film. Here are the Top 10 Worst Attempts At Acting – so you’ll know what you look out for:
10. Nicolas Cage – The Wicker Man
As far as I can tell, The Wicker Man was about people who dress up like animals, and then Nicolas Cage running around punching and kicking every female character. That’s at least what it all looks like when you focus on Cage’s uniquely idiotic performance. It doesn’t take a brain surgeon to realize that this is probably some of the worst acting since Gone in 60 Seconds. Although Cage does redeem himself for films like the utterly stupid yet enjoyable Con Air, and the John Woo’s epic FaceOff. Although that might be because of John Travolta’s involvement, come to think of it.
9. Kirsten Stewart – Twilight (Any of them)
To be fair – Kirsten Stewart is quite enchanting. Who else could manage to bite their lower lip and self-consciously push their hair back that much in under two hours. Not many people I tell you. It really does take a certain amount of OVCD (Obsessive Vampire Cock Disorder) to be able to portray such open vulnerability while being more annoying than an opera singing chipmunk in a tumble dryer. Every time I hear about Twilight I cling to some futile hope that Edward will realize he’s actually a vampire, you know that thing that kills people, and bite Bella’s emo hair off and beat her to death with it. If only. To put it in perspective – here is a clip demonstrating the level of acting (co-stars included).
8. Ben Affleck – Daredevil/Pearl Harbour/Armageddon
Ben Affleck has a number of redeeming qualities. He did co-write an Oscar winning film and his appearances in Kevin Smith films have been largely amusing, particularly himself and Matt Damon in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. But oh Lord, praise Jesus, has he made some acting boo boos. Most notably in Dare Devil, the comic book adaptation that tried but couldn’t, Pearl Harbour, a string of explosions glorifying war, and Armageddon. Another Michael Bay film. I could go on and say what it is exactly makes these instances so terrible…so I will. Dare Devil, while containing some pretty neat scenes, showed off a character that was both bland and insulting, completely lacking in any quality an audience would look for. Except super powers. And Pearl Harbour and Armageddon well, Affleck starts off hardcore and ends up crying – painfully.
7. Halle Berry – Catwoman
There is no excuse really for taking a perfectly good story and then botching it up six love. Catwoman is a terrific character, duality and sex appeal being her trademarks. Michelle Pfeiffer brought those things to the screen – along with a fantastic element of a psychopath. Halle Berry’s Catwoman trademarks were irritating and stupid. Yes. Let me meow, I’m a cat after all. Yes. Let me order milk from a bar and then chug it down all hardcore, I’m a cat after all. Yes. Let me get taken out into the street and run over by a truckload of talent, I’ve destroyed this character after all.
6. Keanu Reeves – Everything (except Bill & Ted)
Sad Keanu. Happy Keanu. These are things I’ve heard of, and seen memes of, but never on camera. Mr Reeves has one facial expression – Keanu Reeves. A poetically empty canvas that shows nothing but dead eyes. It was no surprise then when he was cast as alien saviour/doombringer in The Day The Earth Stood Still because that character displays about the same amount of emotion as a blade of grass.
5. Hayden Christensen – Everything but mostly Star Wars
Another prime example of taking a perfectly good character and destroying it with shitty acting. The hype that surrounded this sci/fi series was unprecedented and quite rightly so, Star Wars is probably one of the coolest stories ever told – but the “new” films didn’t live up to expectations. And Christensen didn’t help the cause either by turning himself into the one tone insecure idiot that was only bearable when he caught on fire at the end. You’re not my father – you’re just hurting my senses.
4. Orlando Bloom – Troy, Pirates of the Caribbean, Kingdom of Heaven
Apart from his portrayal of Legolas in Lord of the Rings – Orlando Bloom has done an absolutely incredible job of portraying some of the most irritating characters ever. In Troy he played an irritating spoilt prince who ends up killing the person the audience is rooting for. In Pirates he played an irritating tool who stops at nothing in displaying just how annoying a third wheel can be. And in Kingdom of Heaven, no doubt here, he played an irritating nobleman who wasn’t nearly strong enough to make what happened on screen relative to him.
3.Tommy Wiseau – The Room
There aren’t enough words in all the languages of the world to use to describe how bad the acting is in The Room. And rather than try and explain what makes Tommy Wiseau’s acting so incredibly painful, I’ll show you here…
It’s actually incredible to think this film was meant to be something serious.
2. Steven Seagal – Every time he speaks
Steven Seagal is hardcore. No doubt about that. Speaks fluent Japanese and is a martial arts master. Is capable of subduing enemies with a stare and a slap – but let him speak and all the cotton wool in the world is not enough to block it out. The growls that rise up from his throat are enough to put your teeth on edge and he has yet to change the tone or pitch of his voice in any of the dozens of movies he’s been in. In his defence though, it isn’t like his films have the best writers either…
See what I mean?
And coming in at number one…
1. This guy – Troll 2
At BestForFilm, we have a special respect for Troll 2. And by special, I mean a huge amount of time for this ultimately completely shite film. For various reasons, like the absolute complete lack of Trolls (Goblins more like) and incredible casting; but mostly because of this one master class piece of acting. In what is definitely the pinnacle of awkwardly spoken lines EVER, this monologue encompasses terrible writing, bad tone and most importantly – the worst acting ever seen on camera.
The Top 10 Worst Attempts At Acting in all their cringe worthy glory, pretty darn scary right? And while we love all the “stars” that made it through the intense voting period, judging panel and awards night to be part of this list, pretty please will you never ever repeat such disastrous acting again. The world is still trying to recover from Spiderman.