Top 20 Most Irritating Movie Characters of All Time Part 2 (10-1)
Part 2 of the Top 20 Most Irritating Movie Characters of All Time continues with:
10. Caledon Hockley – Titanic
Look at the picture. Seriously just look at that smug face. Even if you haven’t seen Titanic I bet the lot of you are already hating this dude. And quite rightly so because he is a mighty tool in the shed of irritating people. Beyond the fact that he is so incredibly snobbish, he does kind of cause the two romantic leads to have a really crap conclusion to their love. Think about it. If Caledon hadn’t locked Jack up, him and Rose could quite possibly have gotten to a boat a lot speedier and managed to get on. They could have possibly even found a bigger door to float on, or better yet; taken the axe Rose used to free Jack, buried it in Caledon’s skull and used his bloated corpse as a life raft.
Most irritating part: His generally smug face without an axe in it.
What happens in the end: Suicide after Black Tuesday.
9. Gollum – Lord of the Rings
There are moments in our lives that define us. Gollum’s defining moment is when he falls into the lava at the end – because by golly the rest of the time he is supremely insufferable. After getting lost in some ditch, Frodo and Sam catch Gollum and torture him (I wish) into leading them to Mordor. Along the way the fish eating arse plays the innocent card so many times I lost count and generally annoys by talking to himself, killing harmless rabbits and not dying until the last ten minutes of the three year spectacle.
Most irritating part: Watching him convince Frodo that Sam is an elven bread stealing twit.
What happens in the end: Karma.
8. Corporal Upham – Saving Private Ryan
Saving Private Ryan details the journey of a squad of men to find, yep, Private Ryan and bring him home. From the epic depiction of the Normandy landings to encounters with enemy snipers, the film is intense. And then there is Upham. By the end of the film he reminds everyone of why certain people should never be put in the situation where other’s lives depend on them the toss.
Most irritating part: Upham cowering in the corner while his friend and fellow soldier gets stabbed in the room above him.
What happens in the end: He finally finds his testicles and shoots his gun.
7. Greg Focker – Meet the Parents
Falling on your face in front of your date is embarrassing. Farting really loudly in class because your friend poked you is reasonably funny. But everything that Greg Focker does on screen is just so incredibly irritating it boggles the mind. From the moment the story begins, the cringing only stops when you get home and have a stiff couple of drinks. While being extremely embarrassing to witness, the sheer stupidity and lack of common sense that he portrays is so bafflingly huge I to this day want to know if he was based on a real person. And if yes, so that this person can be found and stopped.
Most irritating part: Paying to see the movie.
What happens in the end: Little Fockers – coming to a screen near you.
6. Meryl Burbank – The Truman Show
Dearest oh dear Truman. He lives in an artificial world that’s been created for the joy of the rest of us through television. His every moment is recorded, creepy, as he gets pushed up against billboards for advertising and knocked down for trying to see the world. His wife Meryl doesn’t help the equation either. The perfect hair, a smile that puts your teeth on edge – the knowledge that she has ultimately spent her entire life lying to you about yours.
Most irritating part: Her responding to Truman’s criticism by advertising hot chocolate.
What happens in the end: Probably goes on to a career in soap operas. Hopefully after getting a slap.
5. Alfred Ludlow – Legends of the Fall
For those of you who haven’t seen Legends of the Fall, how dare you! It follows the lives of three brothers and their father after the introduction of the youngest’s fiancée. In classic style, the new addition messes supremely with the delicate balance of the family and soon enough the farm manure is hitting the fan in droves. The story is great but Alfred, the oldest, has got to be one of the creepiest and most irritating characters ever. Besides giving off an air of being so gleefully better than everyone else, he is constantly blaming those around him for the shit he can’t fix. All the while insulting Brad “I-make-this-beard-work” Pitt as Tristan for his wild ways.
Most irritating part: Tristan not stabbing Alfred in the face after he suggests it was his fault Samuel gets killed.
What happens in the end: He kills a law enforcement officer and regains his father’s love…the creep.
4. Dr. Elsa Schneider – Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Dun dan dan da, dun da da! That’s right! Indiana Jones is in the house! Wielding his whip and fedora like every history professor is trained to do, he sets out in this instalment to rescue his dad, punch some Nazis and find the Holy Grail. Everything else works out pretty well except that the crazy lady ruins everything by backstabbing him and ultimately not heeding the warning about the grail. You bloody idiot. The old and grey knight said: “Now Indie, don’t be a monumental idiot and take the Grail past the seal.” And what does the doctor, with a degree in stupid, do? The picture says it all really.
Most irritating part: Watching the crazy expression on her face unfold as she picks up the Grail.
What happens in the end: She falls down a crack into what appears to be fog. But what I hope is floating acid.
3. John Hammond – Jurassic Park I
Still one of the finest films ever, Jurassic Park is something you can watch over and over again. Scary as hell if you were nine when you first watched it from behind your living room couch, but definitely entertaining. Mostly because of the raptors, they’re awesome. What isn’t awesome though, is this dude. John Hammond is the founder of Engen genetics and responsible for creating the dinosaurs we see in the park, and that’s still pretty okay. But as the film progresses you realize just how irritating he is, from his presumptuous to putting people in unnecessary danger to the fact that the entire park fiasco could have easily been avoided had he helped one of his employees with debt. But personally the scene that irks me the most is when Sam “YOU-BRED-RAPTORS” Neill shoots at the giant turkeys and Hammond cries out telling him “No”! I think he’s more than allowed to, John, since not once during the film are you in danger.
Most irritating part: The fact that he doesn’t die like in the first book.
What happens in the end: Hopefully a lawsuit on corporate mismanagement.
2. Dobby The House Elf – Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Like Caledon in the Titanic section, just look at that picture and tell me you aren’t irritated already. In Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Harry is sent a delightful gift from Lucius Malfoy in the form of house elf Dobby – who is tasked with making Harry’s life a living hell and making sure he doesn’t make it back to Hogwarts. Right. From getting Harry’s aunt and uncle on his back, again, to beating himself with a lamp and ironing his hands, enjoyable, Dobby is irritating to the max. Cutting him some slack though is the fact that he is after all ordered to do all these things but even that only helps him out a little bit. Harry in the end is the bigger man and arranges it so that Dobby is freed, for which I am so disappointed in him for.
Most irritating part: Lucius Malfoy doesn’t cast Avada Kedavra in Dobby’s direction in the end.
What happens in the end: Dobby ends up on a penal-colony and is forced to beat his head with a lamp for all time.
And the number one Most Irritating Movie Character of All Time is…
1. Peter Parker – Spiderman
Yip, it’s Peter Parker/Spiderman. Disagree? Watch the trilogy again, focusing only on what Spiderman does and says, and you will see it pretty quickly. First off, he actually does nothing except cry in the first film. Actually a lot of the second film is like that too. Then it’s his struggle to balance his personal life and being a superhero. Now, how difficult would it be for someone pretty smart, which he is portrayed to be, to come up with some sort of timetable. I know the fact that he is so committed to crime fighting and that it’s destroying his life is important to the story but then please don’t expect sympathy when it all starts to suck. But then there is the most glaringly irritating point in the series – after being “taken over” by the symbiote, Peter becomes more confident, more self assured and quite frankly a huge tool. I don’t have a problem with that, because it matches the comics, but the entire character is ruined as he starts ludicrously dancing down the street like an idiot, pointing his hands and “shooting” women as they walk past. I’m sorry Mr. Parker, that doesn’t make you look like you’re cool or confident – it makes you look like you need help. And by help I mean a cricket bat to the back of the head. And by cricket bat I mean a shotgun.
Most irritating part: The fact that he “carried” three films.
What happens in the end: Fortunately a reboot starring Andrew Garfield and with Marc Webb directing.
And there you have it! The Top 20 Most Irritating Movie Characters of All Time! Remember, we’re not insulting these actors or actresses, we’re insulting the irritating characters they at one time portrayed – and hopefully will never again. To review this list, go here for Part 1 and if you have any thoughts, or anyone you think is missing from the list, comment below!