You know what we enjoy doing? Going to the future. We also enjoy going back to the future, but we gotten into copyright problems with that before. The point is, we’ve risked life and limb to discover what films are hitting our screens in upcoming weeks. Don’t ask us how we’ve done it. All we’ll say is that the Wikipedia Towers of the future are a terrifying and overly bear-guarded place.

So, should you save our pennies for an upcoming epic, or splurge like there’s no tomorrow on the flicks out now? We’ve got the answers right here.

Next Week

As of the 19th March a lot of romance and comedy is thrown our way, headed up with the blokey-bloke-bloke, ey-we’re all blokes comedy My Last Five Girlfriends. One man sifts through his last five relationships to try and see where it all went wrong, hoping to learn enough to save his romantic future. It all sounds very High Fidelity to us, and considering John Cusack did such a bloody good job in that flick we’re wondering whether this new contender will have much more to say. But it promises surreal sequences, fantasy scenes and general good fun, so we’re optimistic.

That’s more than we can say about Old Dogs and The Spy Next Door, two upcoming comedies that both spell ‘guys thrown in at the deep end with kids’ fun. In the Old Dogs corner, we’ve got Robin Williams and John Travolta (what?!) as two men forced to go camping when Robin finds out that he’s actually got two 11 year old children. Over at team The Spy Next Door, Jackie Chan stars as a secret agent forced to face his toughest challenge yet- taking care of some kids whilst their mom is away. It’s a genre that’s been done to death, and we’re less than optimistic, but considering between the two films the stars have some serious clout, they’re films that will probably do well. And Robin Williams is wearing a wig, so you know, that’s good. Lord help us all.

Two Weeks From Now

In two weeks the most awaited films are undoubtedly The Blind Side and Kick-Ass. Sandra Bullock won an Oscar for The Blind Side, which tells the uplifting true story of American Football player Michael Oher (read our review here). As for Kick-Ass, well, it just looks freaking awesome. Aaron Johnson stars as a boy who decides that anyone can be a superhero, and a quick nip on ebay later he emerges in a wetsuit as Kick-Ass, the world’s first non-super superhero. The cast includes Nicholas Cage, a limb-slicing ten year old girl and Superbad’s Mclovin Christopher Mintz-Plasse. Initial reviews seem to be, in a word, worshipful. We’ve got very high hopes.

Also out comedy-wise is Mike Judge’s Extract, starring Jason Bateman as a man who runs an extract (as in vanilla, almond etc) factory. He’s stuck in a mundane marriage, a dull life and wonders (in this rather Coen-esque set-up) where his life is going. Enter Hot Young Girl (played by a wide-eyed Mila Kunis) and suddenly, the factory isn’t so dull anymore. It looks to be a low-key, clever little comedy, with a surprise cameo from Ben Affleck as a stoner best friend. We’re up for it.

If you’re looking for family flicks that week, look no further than Nanny McPhee And The Big Bang, with Emma Thompson back as the world’s most terrifying babysitter. The trailer looks bloody mental, but we’ve got big faith the The Thompson, so it should be a laugh. This time around, the Nanny is called out to bring peace between warring town kids and country kids, and if anyone can do it, it’s McPhee.

Also out for the family is Dreamworks’ How To Train Your Dragon, yet another CGI romp, this one centering on a land where dragons are constantly attacking the viking locals. One day a young boy becomes friends with a wee fire-breathing beastie, and controversy ensues. We’re not convinced by the trailer, and Dreamworks have a patchy history in terms of credible kidult films, so we’ll have to wait and see whether this fiery film has any spark.

Three Weeks From Now

2nd April is the date we’re counting down from for Clash Of The Titans, the much-hyped remake of the 80s film of the same name. It follows (in a vague, Hollywood way, obviously) the Greek myth of Perseus, and his battle with Hades, God of the Underworld. It’s star-packed with Ralph Fiennes as Hades and Liam Neeson as Zeus, to name but a few. Liam Neeson as Zeus, people. Write it in your diaries. Write in now.

For those looking for fims with a little less mythical violence (if such people even exist), this is also the week for Remember Me, starring Robert Pattinson. If you don’t know who he is, then you probably don’t want to see this film. If you’ve burst into tears at the sight of it, hello Twilight fans, thanks for dropping by. Remember Me is about…. erm… well as far as we can tell it’s about Robert Pattinson posing for camera shots being all moody and like, really tough and stuff. But with a heart of gold. Secretly. But it takes a young girl (you, yes that’s right, you, probably) to see through his chiseled face to the mushy flesh within. Yawn? We’ll see.

Higher up on our To See list is Whip It, Drew Barrymore’s directorial debut that follows the growing pains of young Bliss (Juno’s excellent Ellen Page). Bliss is desperate to find a place to fit in away from dull pageant queens and her mother’s aspirations, and she finds it in the unlikely world of violent rocker roller-racing (see why it’s high up on the list?). The trailer looks fun, funny and classic Hollywood-edgy, and it’ll be interesting to see how Barrymore does on both side of the screen.

A Month From Now

The mists of time are getting blurry this far into the future, but we can tell you that up-coming films include the Italian I Am Love, David Baddiel’s terrorist-comedy The Infidel, war-weepy Dear John and Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant’s new project Cemetery Junction. More details closer to the time. Yes that’s right, we’re teasing you with our tiny word noises, and you bloody love it.

Check back soon for another wander into futureville, and next time bring a bear-sword. Those wiki-warriors won’t know what hit them (hint:probably a bear sword).