Where’s Pierce Brosnan?
Did you predict that Pierce Brosnan would sign up for a role in I Don’t Know How She Does It? Of course not. It’s a comedy centered on the life of Kate Reddy (Sarah Jessica Parker), a finance executive who is the breadwinner for her husband and two kids.
Where, exactly, is his nose? It seems to have collapsed into his face! Ahem. Moving on, where would James Bond fit into this vapid storyline? Nowhere, we thought angrily. It just doesn’t make any sense! And then, as we started looking back over Brosnan’s filmography, we realised two things. One, he’s definitely not a one trick pony. Two, you should never EVER try to predict Pierce’s next career move. Here are some of 007’s more obscure film roles…
#10 – Robinson Crusoe
Or an early audition reel for George Of The Jungle…?
Stranded on a desert island, with long flowing locks and a bare naked chest, Pierce Brosnan looks pretty damn good as the infamous Robinson Crusoe. And, despite all appearances, this is actually a pretty darn good movie; Pierce manages to portray a man even more famous than Bond genuinely and with a wealth of elegance. Surprisingly, this “story of intense struggle, extraordinary friendship, and undying love” is one of Pierce’s best works. Look it up, check it out, expel Bond from your memory; Crusoe’s in town!
#9 – Mars Attacks!
Ah, the fateful first meeting with Sarah Jessica Parker
Pierce takes on the role of a brainy scientist in Mars Attacks! Kudos to the props department for making that one clear; would you check out that pipe and lab coat! This piece of cinematic anarchy is an absolute Tim Burton gem and, despite launching head-first into some very black comedy, Pierce takes everything in his stride and comes out on top once again (not an easy feat, considering that this movie was rammed to bursting with acting giants!).
#8 – Laws Of Attraction
The chick flicks keep on piling up…
Isn’t it weird when Pierce Brosnan is in things that we don’t ever expect him to be in? It is, isn’t it? It’s weird. In my head, I have him as a smooth talking spy or a rough ‘n’ ready criminal, not as a divorce lawyer with the hots for fellow barrister Julianne Moore. Sure, it’s a bit like the misleadingly named Intolerable Cruelty (the one with Catherine Zeta Jones?), but it’s actually kind of good. In fact, it’s got that enjoyable 1930s screwball comedy vibe; picture Cary Grant in Bringing Up Baby and you pretty much have Brosnan’s performance nailed for this one.
#7 – Quest For Camelot
Brosnan is a king amongst animated characters
If Pierce Brosnan was going to star in a cartoon, it would HAVE to be Quest For Camelot, wouldn’t it? Starring alongside the likes of Gary Oldman, Eric Idle, Celine Dion(!) and Jane Seymour, Pierce Brosnan takes on the role of King Arthur, getting his nobility on solely with the power of his dulcet tones. Why has it bombed so badly on IMDb? I couldn’t possibly say; it’s a sound little animation, with catchy lyrics and a good story. Pierce has this to say to the haters: “You may kill me… but you’ll never destroy the ideals of Camelot.”
#6 – Salvation Boulevard
God only knows…
Pierce Brosnan dipped his toe into religious satire? Apparently so; meet Pastor Dan Day, a religious zealot with an ego the size of Noah’s Ark. His adoring followers would go to the ends of the world for him which is why, when he ‘accidentally’ commits the sin of murder, he will do absolutely ANYTHING to cover it up. This is Brosnan in, perhaps, his most surreal role ever; over the top acting and plenty of nonsense. Praise the Lord this one didn’t put a bullet in his credibility as an actor…
#5 – Mrs Doubtfire
We doubt she lit his fire
Does anybody else find the idea of Pierce Brosnan and Sally Field forging a romantic interest a little peculiar? This can only be Mrs Doubtfire, in which he plays the new boyfriend to Robin Williams’ ex-wife. Sadly for our former 007, he is merely the straight-man to Williams in this laugh-a-minute flick, underdeveloped by the writers and mainly there to react rather than to act. The most irksome plot point (for John Underwood at least) is when Pierce, having proclaimed his allergy to pepper, accidentally eats some and suffers a reaction. How is he saved? The Heimlich Manoeuvre. THAT WOULDN’T WORK!!! He wasn’t choking, he was suffering from a rapidly swelling throat. Yiesh.
#4 – Nomads
Did you know that Pierce Brosnan once played a psychic French anthropologist motorbiking demon? Nope, we didn’t either.
#3 – Percy Jackson And The Lightning Thief
Want to see Pierce Brosnan play a centaur? Of COURSE you do! Switch on Percy Jackson And The Lightning Thief, probably one of the most insanely misguided films ever made, and enjoy watching Pierce go from wheelchair-bound teacher to an epic half-man, half-horse. As you do. This film is packed with all sorts of Greek mythology, submerged in the hustle and bustle of the 21st century; Medusa, Hydras, psychdelic Lotus flowers… it’s just baffling. This film baffles me. Pierce Brosnan, as a centaur, hurts my brain. TOO MUCH TO TAKE IN!!!
#2 – Grey Owl
Everybody LOVES seeing Pierce Brosnan in Native American costume, right? At least he’s not trying to be a genuine Native; that would have been horrible. Instead, he takes on the role of Belaney, a wilderness guide, with a knack for telling big fat fibs.; first up, he changes his name to ‘Grey Owl’. Then he creates a full-blown Native identity, telling people that he’s the child of a Scottish father and Apache mother. Finally, he states that he emigrated from the U.S. to join the Ojibwa in Canada. All lies. It’s hilarious looking at Pierce like this though, isn’t it? He should keep the plaits forever.
#1 – Mamma Mia
Pierce is a dancing queen!
Possibly the craziest of them all was Pierce’s stint as an ABBA-solutely hilarious singer in hit summer flick, Mamma Mia! And, despite the likes of Colin Firth and Meryl Streep lending their tonsils to the foray, it was Pierce that really stunned us all. He can LAUGH at himself. God this guy only gets better with age, doesn’t he? Sure, it put an end to the Bond days for good, but it signalled an entrance into his role of the sexy older man and, hey, we can get on board with that! Move over George Clooney, there’s a new silver fox in town.