Glad to see our ol’ pal Will back where he belongs – in the suit and shades of the world’s first, last and only line of defense against the worst scum of the universe. Gaze, and feel peace:

Also, apparently this isn’t just MiB 3, this is MiB³ - Men In Black to the power of Men In Black to the power of MEN IN BLACK. That is SO CONCENTRATED IN ITS MEN IN BLACK POWER. Are you worried about their working out? We’re a bit worried about it. Still, good to know there’s always a hashtag with which you can vent your problems – off we go to #mib3 and LET’S TALK ALIEN MATHS.

It is illegal for a trailer to be shown before a film with a lower BBFC certificate and, since Puss in Boots is a U, Cineworld’s blunder breached the UK licensing laws. A rep for the cinema blamed the incident on “a genuine human error” which seems like a slightly redundant clarification. It is doubtful many people were blaming it on some deliberate, shadowy conspiracy enacted by the cinema chain to terrify the nations youth into eating more popcorn.

While just about everyone in the world would enjoy Baron Cohen turning up as his latest eccentric invention rather than his frankly boring self, the Oscar bosses are anxious about his planned stunt. Speaking to film news website Deadline, a spokesperson said

“We would hope that every studio knows that this is a bad idea. The red carpet is not about stunting.”

What a bunch of killjoys these mysterious ‘Oscar bosses’ are. The red carpet walks are so mundane that the only thing the papers can write up about them are Best- and Worst-dressed lists. Surely Baron Cohen’s character would spice things up a bit (and be a front-runner for the Best-dressed award).

Baron Cohen was previously invited to host the 2007 Oscars, but it never came off due to the powers that be not allowing him to present them as Borat. Looks like we’ll have to wait for next year’s Golden Globes (hopefully hosted by Ricky Gervais) for a genuinely entertaining awards ceremony.

Scott’s next move is to find a villain to go up against Fassbender, whose character is an upstanding lawyer foolish enough to think he can dip a toe into the drug trade without getting pulled under. The last bona fide McCarthy-scripted bad guy (Javier Bardem in No Country for Old Men, obv) won an Oscar for his performance, so this will doubtless be a hotly-contested role. Deadline has hinted at actors including Jeremy Renner, Bradley Cooper and perhaps even Brad Pitt being interested – we’ll keep you posted.

Who should star opposite Michael Fassbender? Let us know below!

The Night Circus, the debut novel by (if not else, the very canny) Erin Morgenstern, centres on a magical circus that only exists from sunset till sunrise. Within the circus lies a bitter rivalry, and two young kids from opposite sides of the lion pen (or whatever) are brought up knowing that they are mutual enemies. What’s that? Forbidden love? If we didn’t know better, we’d swear you could replace the fangs with talented seals and transfer the Twilight cast straight across. BUT, the good news is that on board to write the screenplay is Moira Buffini – responsible for the recent (and rather good) Jane Eyre script. So could we actually be getting some young adult fodder with real bite? Edward would be so proud…

Frankenweenie, a full-length feature based on a 80s Burton short tells the tale of a young lad who becomes obsessed with the idea of brining his beloved dog back to life. Will the consequences be dark and quirky? You bet your spiral staircases and stripy trousers they will. Take a look at the poster, and try to hold back a sigh of resigned disappointment.

Graves, eh? Graves, and black and white, and a lovable protagonist with unnaturally large eyes and a tragic context? Yep. Yep, we can do this now. Frankenweenie comes out in October, so we’ve got plenty of time to continue to know exactly what its going to be like.

Listen, beleaguered director John Gulager, nobody went to see Piranha 3D for its realistic portrayal of ferocious prehistoric fishy bastards – they’re going for things like this:

So why on earth do the new posters focus on the bloody fish? Just look at these (click to embiggen):

How are those fish reflected in her glasses when she’s very clearly not underwater? And why are all the piranhas zoning in on her from underneath like that? We think she’s doing a little wee and it’s alerted them like those fish in the Amazon that follow streams of urea into other fish’s gills and dig in but sometimes if you wee in the Amazon they swim up the stream of wee and hide inside your willy and then your willy has to be cut open like a baguette and everyone goes home unhappy. That’s what we think.

After the furore over whether or not Piranha 3DD would be going straight to DVD (it isn’t), we expected the boys at the top to rush out a release date as soon as possible. But the official site still has only this helpful bit of info:

Brilliant. We’ll keep you posted!

Crowe, whose first and thus far sole stint in the director’s chair resulted in 2002′s Texas, a concert film for his unimpressive rock outfit 30 Odd Foot of Grunts, joins a diverse list of names for this latest project with Liev Schreiber, David Michod (Animal Kingdom), John Curran (The Painted Veil) and Toni Collette all shooting pieces for the collection. Whether or not Crowe will also be appearing in front of the camera for his piece is not yet confirmed although if he is it might be a good move. If nothing else, being his own director would give Russ’ one less person to violently fall out with.

The only problem is, as anyone who’s seen either Paris Je T’Aime or New York, I Love You will testify, that these types of films tend to be a bit, well, shit. The latter was a particularly lacklustre piece of work, the big budget equivalent of sitting through an hour and a half of ham-fisted student shorts, full of ”ironic” reversals, predictable twists and uninteresting moral dilemmas.

Still, anything that keeps Crowe away from a microphone for a few minutes should probably be viewed as a step in the right direction.

Just to put how awful this is going to be into some sort of context, the trailer literally features Murphy singing “I want my baby-back baby-back baby-back ribs.” That’s a thing that happens in it. The premise is that he’s a bad guy, he lies a lot, some magic happens that means he’ll die if he says more than 1000 words, he’s not Jim Carrey in 1997, and then he learns things.

Here’s a poster. It’s horrible.

Thing is, considering the whole ‘he had to step down from the Oscars after the Brett Ratner scandal’ palaver, now might be the time for Eddie Murphy to launch back onto our radars. But if this is all he’s got, perhaps its for the best that we consign him to the memory banks. Stop making films with Brian Robbins, Eddie. The best film this bloke ever did was Good Burger, for God’s sake.

Writer-director Woody Allen won the Best Original Screenplay prize for Midnight in Paris, whilst Sideways director Alexander Payne picked up Best Adapted Screenplay along with his co-writers Nat Faxon & Jim Rash. The Descendants is adapted from the novel of the same name by Kaui Hart Hemmings, who is a lady.

Interestingly, bureaucratic nonsense that we don’t quite understand (Hitfix says that ”not being in accordance with paperwork guidelines or signatory stipulations” is generally the killer) meant that several of this year’s top Oscar contenders were excluded from consideration. Films which didn’t make the cut included – deep breath - The Artist, Beginners, Carnage, Drive, The Iron Lady, Jane Eyre, Like Crazy, Margin Call, Martha Marcy May Marlene, Melancholia, My Week With Marilyn, Rango, Sarah’s Key, Shame, The Skin I Live In, Take Shelter, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, and We Need To Talk About Kevin. Phew. Consequently, WGA success doesn’t carry the same promise of Oscar success as does the blessing of its directorial (but no less guildy) cousin…