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Secret Cinema launch new “recruitment centre” website

Natasha Hodgson — Wed, 23 May 2012 14:42:47 +0000

Now, considering we’re full of mostly Katherine Heigl based bile here at BFF Towers, when we find a thing we think is brilliant, we want to make sure you all know about it. The ever-glorious Secret Cinema is back, and considering the epic success of their recent Bugsy Malone event, we can’t wait to see what they’re cooking up to try and top it.

For those who have been watching films in the bloody cinemas like FOOLS, the wonderful people at Secret Cinema endeavour to combine theatrical experiences with a screening of a classic in order to create the entire WORLD of their chosen (mystery) film. Guests are told where to go – never a cinema, obvs – what to bring and what to wear. From there, the experience is entirely in the hands of the professionals as actors, gorgeous sets, music, food, drinks and finally the big reveal of the film itself are played out in front of you. In the past they’ve screened Lawrence Of Arabia at Alexandra Palace, The Red Shoes at the Tabacco Docks, The Battle For Algiers in Waterloo’s underground tunnels and many, many more. At £30 quid a ticket, it may seem a little steep, but considering you get nigh on six hours of solid entertainment for your money we can promise its worth your while.

Anyhoo, the gears are turning for their next extravaganza, and the team are already beginning to drop hints, releasing the following declaration:

A SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE BNV COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE:

Brave New Ventures Launches Website – Realise Your Next Venture with BNV – WWW.BRAVENEWVENTURES.ORG

22.05.12 – Darwinster, CA – Today, BNV launched a new website to recruit personnel from around the globe for its Extreme Environment Mission Operations. To date, over 15,000 recruits have invested in Brave New Ventures; the secret expedition will launch on 1st June in a central London location.

The recruitment centre is now open at www.bravenewventures.org

Our aim to bring about pioneering work will be achieved through investment from our employees and shareholders. Opportunities will thrive through this new web portal and successful candidates will be fast-tracked in order to further aide this secret expedition.

Potential personnel may undergo rigorous employee assessment at www.bravenewventures.org which shall identify their role within BNV and define their personality profile. There will be nine vital roles assigned as part of the BNV Profession Assignment, including: Guidelink, Control Operator, Control Stabiliser, Investment Aide, Matter Analyst, Ore Surveyor, Data Scientist, Field Analyst and Containment Officer.

There will be four specialised missions for recruits to attend. All recruits are encouraged to attend physical conditioning; these missions will take place in London and are free to attend, including: Physical Conditioning (24th May,7.30pm); Night-time Data Retrieval (25th May, 7.30pm); Psychological Training and Preparation (27th May, 3.00pm) and Quarantine Briefing, Bio-hacking and Real World Biohazard Containment (28th May, 7.30pm)
BNV will provide all the necessary management, guidance, and equipment/supplies required to perform the engineering, science and explorations set forth.

Uys van Welevelt, Senior Vice President of Publicity and Media Matters, Brave New Ventures, says: “BNV is the future. More than 15,000 recruits have joined our mission to date and we thank all for their generous investment. Training is mandatory in order to further our mission; your contributions will be rewarded.”

To monitor the status of this recruitment process, check @BraveNewVenture and #BraveNewVentures.

Confused? Intrigued? Find out more and ‘enroll’ for the process by visiting the official website here . We’ll stake our very loathing of Katherine Heigl on you having the time of your life.

Even more bloody Dark Knight Rises posters released

John Underwood — Wed, 23 May 2012 11:50:24 +0000

Fewer than two months of useless Bat-free days lie between us and the release of The Dark Knight Rises, and the mindless bastards good people at Warner Bros have obviously realised that if we have to go another ten minutes without seeing more overproduced photos of the characters we’re already sick to death of then we’ll probably burst.

Anyway, there are some new posters and this is us being enthusiastic about them. What the fuck do you want from us? The Daily Mail called Catwoman a “saucy thief” and refers to her “sexy but functional costume” and “militaristic motorbike”. IT’S THE FUCKING BATPOD WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU FUCKING TALKING ABOUT YOU FASCISTS.

The Mail goes on to observe that “Rain is… a theme in three of the images, with both Batman and his arch-enemy Bane photographed standing in a downpour. And while some will think it merely means the superhero forgot to put his Bat-brolly in his utility belt, film aficionados will realise it usually is a symbol for serious loss or death.” Profound. We might just quit and leave the film writing to the borderline Nazis with a passion for sexualising underage girls, they have it pretty much sewn up.

Hurrah for the Blackshirts! And for Bane! And Satan!

Kick Ass 2 to be darker than the original

Natasha Hodgson — Wed, 23 May 2012 11:36:51 +0000

With everyone leaping all over Mark Millar as to what literally everything in Kick Ass 2 is going to be like, it was only a matter of time before the poor bloke had to say something about the film. Well, he’s done it now. And by all accounts, we should prepare ourselves for an even darker tale than we experienced in the original.

Speaking at Kapow! Comic Con, Millar assured slavering cape-wearers that the Kick Ass 2 movie will not shy away from the shocking scenes in the book, and that if anything, the team will endeavour to keep in the most monstrous moments:

“Every horrible scene in the book will be in the film.” he said, “The c**t line in the first one, everybody said ‘there’s no way you’re getting that in the movie’, but it happened and it’s the same thing with this. Everybody is saying ‘you can’t have a gang rape scene with supervillains’ and ‘you can’t have the dog’s head cut off’, but every single one of those scenes will go in it.”

Whew! Gang rape! He’s also looking forward to the transformation of Red Mist into The Motherfucker – a change that will seriously test the real proper acting skillz of Christopher Mintz-Plasse.

“To see the guy you know as the charming McLovin doing awful things, it’s going to be doubly upsetting, and that was always the plan. He’s a very, very underrated actor. I think sometimes if you do comedy, people don’t accept that you are a serious actor, but he’s one of those guys who can turn his mind to anything.”

MAKE IT! LET’S START MAKING IT RIGHT NOW DAMMIT! And give Matthew Vaughn all the money so he’ll come back!

Portman and Ramsay team up for Jane Got A Gun

John Underwood — Wed, 23 May 2012 10:50:34 +0000

Natalie Portman looks set to break her creative silence with the starring role in Lynne Ramsay’s new film – and no, it’s not Moby Dick in space.

The We Need to Talk About Kevin director is taking on one of the films from last year’s Hollywood Black List, the unofficial directory of the best unproduced scripts floating around Tinseltown. Jane Got A Gun, penned by Your Bridesmaid Is A Bitch screenwriter Brian Duffield (neither have we – apparently Y.B.I.A.B. is on the Black List too), is an Old West thriller in which a woman whose husband has been wounded by his vengeful former gangmates must persuade her ex-lover to take the unlucky couple in. Could work.

With Portman’s commitment to Terrence Malick’s back-to-back films Knight of Cups and Lawless, plus the prospect of another underwhelming performance as Jane Foster in Thor 2: This Time it’s Mythical, we can’t see her getting together with Lynne much before this time next year. We’ll keep you posted.

We Need to Talk About ‘Aleph’, Natalie. It’s just not a proper name.

Will R-Patz join Catching Fire?

John Underwood — Wed, 23 May 2012 09:59:21 +0000

Not content with starring in just two of the biggest teen movie franchises of all time, Robert Pattinson is reportedly considering adding the Hunger Games film series to his CV alongside Harry Potter and Twilight.

Pattinson is reportedly being considered for the role of Finnick Odair, a womanising, trident-wielding twat (or is he?) who appears early on in Hunger Games sequel Catching Fire and becomes steadily more important, sympathetic and badass for the rest of the trilogy. He’s also repeatedly described as the hottest piece of ass in Hunger Games history, with a bronzed body and shock of brilliant blonde hair that complement his intense sea-green eyes. Sounds uncannily similar to pasty vampiric weed R-Patz, doesn’t he?

Francis Lawrence, who directed Pattinson in Water for Elephants, has taken over from Gary Ross as the top dog on Catching Fire – maybe he’d just rather take on someone he’s already worked with…

In all seriousness, The Hunger Games is a cracking film which looks like it may well be the start of a solid and unusually intelligent series – R-Patz mania would only detract from that. And anyway, isn’t the man himself supposed to be setting aside childish things and becoming a real actor? Cosmopolis is hitting Cannes this week, after all. Here’s the deal, Rob, we won’t mention Bel Ami if you leave Jennifer Lawrence alone…

What would you think of Robert Pattinson playing Finnick? Let us know below!

First trailer for The Great Gatsby – it’s blooming well here!

Natasha Hodgson — Wed, 23 May 2012 09:42:10 +0000

Having followed this project with keen eyes and keener loins since we first heard about it back over a year ago , it’s with trembling hearts that we show you the very first trailer. No teaser for Luhrmann, no poxy stills and no ‘check back here for a full blah blah blah’. This is a decadent onslaught of colour, light, sequins and EMOTIONS. And Tobey Maguire looking as deeply uncharismatic as ever, but you can’t have it all, eh?

As we all know, because we’ve read F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby as we’re proper human beings, it’s an opulent tale of love, loss, innocence, tragedy, jealousy and of rather serious car-related troubles, centred around a universally loved but hardly known bachelor named Gatsby. Tobey Maguire, Carey Mulligan, Isla Fisher, LEO DI CAPRIO ARGHHHH JUST WATCH IT FOR ALL OUR SAKES

I think it’s fair to say that if we didn’t already know Baz was helming, you could probably guess from about 0.4 seconds in. So this is evidently a return to stylised decadence for the director of Romeo + Juliet and Moulin Rouge – but will it be style over substance? In a story whether so much meaning is imbued into so little action, are the nuances of the characters in danger of being steam-rollered by Luhrmann’s dancing sex ladies, booze and fireworks? Maybe. But for now, we’re just going to enjoy ourselves. PARTY!

Are you juicy and shivering? Us too. Hold us, Jay? Hold us and never let go?

Two new clips from Lawless showcase Tom Hardy and Guy Pearce

Natasha Hodgson — Tue, 22 May 2012 11:26:09 +0000

it’s been nearly a month since we got a sneak peek at John Hillcoat’s Lawless – a tale of bootlegging moonshine in the ol’ West – and it’s safe to say our appetites were well and truly whet. Mainly for horrible, illegal alcohol, but also the film, probably. Anyway, two more clips of been released, and it just looks bloomin great.

Tom Hardy is on gloriously gravelly form as Forrest Bondurant, one half of the infamous Bondurant brothers who made a fortune selling alcohol during the great Virginia depression. Here to stop him is a wonderfully disarming special agent (Guy Pearce), and bringing down the family name is his brother Jack Bondurant (Shia LaBeouf – WE BELIEVE IN YOU SHIA). Enjoy:

It’s a cast groaning with talent: as well as Hardy as LeBeouf you’ve got your Gary Oldman, your Jessica Chastain, your Mia Wasikowska and your Noah Taylor. We’ve still not got a UK release date locked down, but considering it’s causing all kinds of stirs at Cannes right now, it can’t be far behind…

Isn’t it nice when we can understand what Tom Hardy is saying? Tell us about it below…

New Amazing Spider-Man viral videos emerge online

John Underwood — Tue, 22 May 2012 11:17:41 +0000

Mild-mannered Oscorp scientist Dr Curt Connors has posted a couple of new vlogs about his pioneering work with the regenerative capability of reptilian DNA. Fooled you! Curt Connors isn’t real, and the vlogs are actually the work of Rhys Ifans. He’s an actor, which means he was just pretending to be a scientist! Clever, isn’t it?

Ifans is playing Connors in a film called The Amazing Spider-Man – you might have heard of it – and he’s been made to film these blogs because apparently we’re actually, as a species, physically incapable of just sitting down and waiting for a bloody film to come out.

Anyway, the blogs are about as exciting as you might expect. When was the last time you watched updates from the lab of a geneticist? Exactly.

We’re really hoping that mouse is the first creature to die at the (regenerated) claws of the Lizard. It looked at us funny.

Blah blah blah IT’S OUT IN SEVEN WEEKS FOR FUCK’S SAKE

Rupert Everett to direct and star in Wilde biopic

John Underwood — Tue, 22 May 2012 10:30:45 +0000

Fifteen years on from Stephen Fry’s arresting central performance in Wilde, Rupert Everett is to take his turn onscreen as the writer, raconteur and (lest we forget) homosexual Oscar Wilde in a new biopic – which he himself is directing.

The Happy Prince will, we suspect, focus on Wilde’s final years (which weren’t actually that happy, because sometimes TITLES LIE). Everett will be joined in the squalor of a Paris garret by Colin Firth, who is due to play Reginald Turner. Reggie was one of the few members of Wilde’s circle who didn’t abandon him after his incarceration and, in fact, was beside Wilde’s bedside when he died aged just 46. Those in the know may be surprised at this particular bit of casting, since Everett and Firth (who have starred together in a number of films including two Wilde adaptations) are famously not the best of friends…

Period drama veteran Emily Watson and Tom Wilkinson, who was actually in Wilde as well, will also appear. Hopefully Jude Law will be run over by a cart or something in the background at some point, perhaps with Zoë Wanamaker on hand to give him a good kicking. Do you think we’re going to get this emotionally overinvested all over again?

We’re not quite sure that the unnaturally fresh-faced Everett has it in him to play a prison-ravaged aesthete dying of cerebral meningitis, although early whispers suggest The Happy Prince will actually be a tragicomedy in which Wilde wryly reflects upon his own downfall. That could work. Filming’s not due to begin until next year, so we’ve got plenty of time for idle speculation!

Is Stephen the only Wilde for you? Let us know below!

The new Dark Knight Rises poster uses Colouring In

Natasha Hodgson — Tue, 22 May 2012 10:08:52 +0000

Now, as we all know, The Dark Knight Rises opens in our cinemas in just under two months, so there’s still plenty of time for the Nolan marketing team to rally the troops. After all, so far we’ve only had a poster, a teaser, another poster, a viral campaign , a trailer, a prologue, some pictures and some more pictures. We don’t know about you, but we feel totally in the dark about this whole thing. Anyway, a new poster has been unveiled, and it might be that everyone is running out of ideas a bit. SAME POSTER! YAY!

Here is it. LOOK AT THE ORANGE! We thought Chris Nolan HATED tropical shades!

Now. Yes, of course that’s very impressive and moody and blasty and stuff, but also, it’s this:

But with Christian Bale slotted in. We can do that. We literally could have done that for you, Chris, and all we would have asked in return was a sneaky peek at what Bane is actually saying. Look:

See? There’s so much more INTRIGUE now – who is he pointing at? What is that award he’s holding? Is it the award for Being A Really Good Batman? How does he get his hair so thick and lustrous whilst worrying about the fate of poor old Commissioner Gordon? Hang on, actually:

Nice to remember we’re here to have a good time, isn’t it Chris? You know where to find us.

Do we have too much time on our hands? Say the word “yes” below: