It’s so sunny today! It’s the sort of weather that makes you want to laze about on the grass with an ice cream, roll your shirtsleeves up, enjoy a coffee on the verandah and, of course, stare at Gothic film posters.

We imagine you’ve already got the other bits covered (or uncovered, in the case of your newly-freckled arms!) – take a break from that horrible sunshine and feast your eyes on your monitor. We’ve got a whole ream of new character posters from Tim Burton’s Dark Shadows for you to gaze at…

 

What’s this? Johnny Depp looking pale and interesting? In a Burton film? SHUT UP!

 

Eva Green has modelled her appearance on the ultimate femme fatale, Jessica Rabbit. It’s easy to draw out the similarities between a vengeful witch and a 2D lounge singer, after all…

 

Johnny Lee Miller is ready to do some serious business. Just check out how he’s pimping up his jacket lapels…

 

Bella Heathcote is a governess. You can tell by the fact she’s dressed in Victorian garb, despite the modern-day setting. Jane Eyre has a lot to answer for…

 

Michelle Pfeiffer is the family matriarch. You can tell by the fact she’s holding a gun. My mum NEVER lets her gun out of her sight.

 

Gully McGrath looks downright precocious in this ensemble, doesn’t he? A roll-neck jumper and uncreased jeans always spells out ‘problem child’ in our opinion.

 

Chloë Moretz has great hair, funky hosiery, an armful of bangles and a sullen expression. Rebellious teen, anyone?

 

The funny thing about caretakers is that once they start toting coffins around the place they IMMEDIATELY feel like one of the family.

 

Tim Burton has a strange condition whereby he needs his wife to star in every single one of his films. If she doesn’t, his head explodes and all the dark and unnatural thoughts contained within his skull will fly out and corrupt the world. So don’t be all “predictable Helena Bonham Carter inclusion” – you owe her your continuing existence.

 

What do you think of the Collins family?