Cornucopia of disappointment Nicolas Cage has been arrested in New Orleans on the Holy Trinity of twattish charges: domestic abuse, public drunkenness and disturbing the peace. The sometime actor was arrested outside a house in the Big Easy’s French Quarter after rowing with his wife Alice Kim, grabbing her arm and punching some cars. He later yelled at and/or otherwise sassed a policeman. Tosser.

Reports indicate that Cage and Kim were arguing over whether or not the house outside which they were standing belonged to them, with Cage apparently so drunk he had no memory of his address. He was bailed (the $11,000 bail bond was paid by reality TV bounty hunter Dwayne ‘Dog’ Chapman) and ordered to appear in court on May 31st, at which point he will probably weasel out of anything but a fine because he’s, like, famous and that. Hope the judge hasn’t seen Leaving Las Vegas…

Still, just because Nic Cage is wrecking his life, doesn’t mean he has to put a downer on your day! Have a watch of this and revel in the knowledge that the star has brought you more pleasure than Cage ever could: