Featured Review For Storage 24
The ubiquitous Noel Clarke is back once again with yet another Brit Flick. This time however he is steering clear of urban gang culture and trying his hand at sci-fi/horror instead. Noel, haven't you heard? If you can't do anything good then don't do anything at all! Here you go everyone, I saw Storage 24 so you don't have to.
How many possessions do you own? Enough to fill up whatever place you live in I guess. Perhaps the most shocking and unbelievable thing about low budget indie flick Storage 24 is that we are somehow meant to believe that one couple has managed to acquire so much stuff over the space of a five year relationship that they need to hire a 24 hour storage container to hold it all. Wow. That’s a lot of crap. Pretty much like the film itself.
The film opens in a storage facility somewhere in London as a massive plane crash happens outside. But it is no ordinary crash, as we see military containers broken open and dotted nearby. Due to the crash, the security system inside the storage depot has been ruined and the doors sporadically keep locking. En route to said storage location are Charlie (Clarke) and Mark (O’Donoghue). Charlie has just been dumped by girlfriend of five years, Shelley (Campbell-Hughes) and they must begin the arduous task of dividing their belongings. Charlie and Mark finally get to the location and meet an engineer trying to get the doors to stay open, but who accidentally locks them all inside instead. Charlie and Mark bump into Shelley and friends Nikki (Haddock) and Chris (Jamie Thomas King) who had all intended not to be there when Charlie arrived. It is rather “tense” and “awkward”. Well, as tense and awkward as the acting will allow for by any rate, but soon the gang have other problems to deal with as it turns out that some evil creepy beastie is locked inside the facility with them and has a appetite for human body parts.
You can see where Noel Clarke’s inspirations have come from for this movie and perhaps he spent a bit too long inside the Tardis with David Tennant as essentially this is just an overly long episode of Dr. Who with a lot more Kensington Gore splattered in. The plot is lifted from Alien and the alien is lifted from Predator. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be french kissed by a Predator? Take it from me, once you have seen this film you really would not want to try it. To give the film some kind of credit, the blood effects and the alien are quite impressive for such a small budget production, however, as soon as the creature begins wandering about it loses a lot of its initial scare power and I was more disturbed by the crazy, old man who appears half way through the film brushing his teeth in his dressing gown. Seriously, this happens.
The biggest problem is that no one seems to know what the tone of the film is and the director (Roberts) gives us no indication whatsoever. Are we meant to be laughing at everything that was happening, or taking it as seriously as Noel Clarke appears to be? And when there are moments which were clearly intended to get a laugh they dropped flat (in particular when they strap a whole load of fireworks onto a mechanical toy dog). The film offers nothing new to the horror genre and the cast bravely hammer out their parts without any support from the script. It is also a bad sign when the action is interspersed with really tedious, lingering close ups on people’s eyes, bits of plastic, and what ever else happened to be lying around, almost as though there was nothing else in the script of worth to shoot.
Sadly this will just be another movie to assign to the “terrible British sci-fi/horror” shelves. I bet you are wondering if maybe a twist ending could have saved it? Well, it does have a twist…actually it is more like a fumble but by that point I was so bored I was counting all of the ceiling tiles in the cinema. Sorry Noel.