3D

Despicable Me 3D

The heat is on to be the best gosh darn villain the world has ever seen. And when your competition is out nicking the Egyptian pyramids and other great wonders of the world, you know you’ve got to up your game. So Gru sorts himself out with the ultimate secret weapon in his grand master scheme; three orphan girls. And before you get the wrong idea, he doesn’t put them through an intensive training course and turn them into child soldiers, rather, he uses the power of cookie selling to get the ball a-rolling.

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Deathly Hallows’ 3D conversion axed

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part I will be screened in glorious 2D. Thank God for that.

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Star Wars saga to get 3D re-release. Please George, make it stop!

In 2012 the Star Wars saga will return to our screens – this time in eye-assaulting 3D! Three dimensional Jar Jar? Meesa no likey!

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Despicable Me

Despicable Me is a kids film that may not have been made by Pixar but it could have been: The story of a supervillain struggling to control an army of minions and three orphaned girls will provide real heart and sardonic wit along with the zany animation slapstick.

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The Hole

A welcome return from director Joe Dante, The Hole is another fine contribution to the ‘family horror’ genre that helped make his name. Providing both laughs and scares, it credits its child viewers with an ability that too many kids films lack; the intelligence to be treated like adults. Bringing the darkness, but keeping things light, it will entertain both youngsters and grown-ups alike. And it all comes with the added benefit of 3D. So, go on – have a little fun and face your biggest fears.

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Paradise Lost to be made into a film. Epic.

If you haven’t got a series of ten hour bus journeys around India in which you need to entertain yourself with some light reading material, then help is on the way! Paradise Lost, the twelve book poem is being turned into a film. So once you’ve dallied around the Taj Mahal, come and be enlightened.

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Resident Evil: Afterlife

It’s the fourth installment in the Resident Evil franchise and IT’S IN 3D! Alice is back to kick-ass and not even the removal of her powers is going to get her to calm down. Ain’t nothing going to hold this girl down. Evil corporation, mneh. Zombies, puh-lease. The traitorous living, move over, girlfriend! Unfortunatley, even in the spirit of “GIRL POWER”, there is not much to this film aside from guns, the undead and women fighting the undead. With guns. Which I guess is pretty standard for a computer game.

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No frills film? Or a 3D, widescreen, snacks-a-plenty cinema experience?

There’s no doubt about it; cinema ain’t what it used to be. What with new and improved seating, 3D films assaulting your retinas and more snacks then you can shake your expanding belly at, going to the flicks has become somewhat different to that of our forefathers. So who’s for an extra-crispy, oven-roasted, honey-glazed, menagerie of cinema with extra sprinkles, all topped with a quails egg?

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Guillermo del Toro set to direct Mountains of Madness in 3D

Guillermo del Toro has given the thumbs-up to Peter Jackson directing the Hobbit, and will instead direct Mountains of Madness – a 3D film epic featuring Lovecraft’s Cthulhu mythos with James Cameron as producer. Unnameable horrors are safe in del Toro’s hands…

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Why Alpha And Omega Makes Me Want To Hurt Things

Alpha And Omega is the new CGI family 3D film offering from Lionsgate. And. Well. In short, it’s the worst thing ever. It’s awful. It was so bad that it filled me with an irrational rage of such strength that four cheese sandwiches and an episode of Black Books later, my eyes remained un-glazed and full of knives. There is, I realised, only one way to rid myself of this sudden and frightening anger: I have to tell the world.

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