So this week saw the news the whole nation has been waiting for, breath bated, hands wrung, and nails bitten. Yes, you’ve guessed it, it’s the hotly anticipated follow-up to our Top 10 Naked Royals in Film blog!! Unfortunately, the Duchess of Cambridge seems to have somewhat stolen our thunder by thoughtlessly going and getting herself pregnant in the same week, the shiny-haired ovarian witch.
Cats the world over breathe a sigh of relief as Curiosity lands on Mars. What will the NASA rover tell us? What will it find? Dust? Martians? The tattered remains of John Carpenter’s dignity? We humans had a real thing for the fourth rock from the Sun in the late 90s, ushering in a host of dreadful films about Mars whose Wikipedia blurbs end with ‘a critical and commercial failure’.
“Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not.” Deep stuff there from the master of children’s stories, Dr Seuss. Sadly it seems that the makers of the film version did not care at all, because The Lorax is a multicoloured mess. The Lorax shoves anti-capitalism messages in your face faster than a bear can shove marshmallows into its mouth. That probably makes a bit more sense if you have already seen the film. Take it from me though, it is pretty darn fast.
The Lorax opens on Friday, with the eponymous orange land guardian voiced by Danny DeVito, just as he is in the Spanish, German, Italian and Russian version, which is impressive in anyone’s book. You’ve got til Saturday to catch him in his West End debut The Sunshine Boys with Richard Griffiths. 100% of the people we asked described it as “utterly, painfully tedious”, so make of that what you will. In the meantime, have yourselves a little cheat sheet…
So you’re a character in a film. Congratulations! And you’re about to meet your onscreen death. Ah, not so great. Still, you’ve got time to say a single line. A line that has the chance to be immortalised in cinema history. A line that will be quoted time and time again by pop culture nerds in bad accents. What do you say? Well, let’s look at some of the all-time greats for a bit of inspiration.
(SPOILERS SPOILERS OBVIOUSLY SPOILERS)