No nominations for Shame. Not one. Three nominations for bastard Transformers and not one for Shame? We’re just not interested any more, Academy.

The Descendants opens with a single, joyous shot of a woman (Patricia Hastie) racing across a sun-drenched Hawaiian bay on a speedboat. The next time we meet Elizabeth she’s several weeks into a coma, and her vaguely neglectful husband Matt (Clooney) is doing his best to remember how one looks after a child in between keeping up with his work as a lawyer and negotiating a deal which is going to make his family very, very rich. You see, Matt’s ancestors were Hawaiian royalty – that might not mean much these days, but the colossal tract of land which his family has held in trust for the past century and a half certainly does. New laws are forcing the sale of Matt’s corner of paradise, and as the sole remaining trustee a half-billion dollar deal (and the expectations of his endless waster cousins) rests squarely on his shoulders.

As if this wasn’t enough to worry about, Elizabeth’s doctor (Milt Kogan) abruptly informs Matt that his wife’s coma is permanent. This means that Matt won’t only have to deal with his truculent younger daughter Scottie (Miller), who sends abusive texts to a fat girl in her class (“Everyone knows you got pubes over the summer!”), but with tearaway former drug user Alexandra (Woodley), a teenager who has long been banished to boarding school. And – oh yes, there’s more – Alexandra turns out to have witnessed something rather unfortunate happening between her mother and a man who definitely wasn’t Matt. Is it okay to be pissed off with your wife for cheating when she’s about to die anyway? Paradise sounds a lot more stressful than the brochures make out…

Writing that synopsis makes it clear for the first time just how much is going on in The Descendants – which is great, really, since it demonstrates how uncluttered the film feels despite its overabundance of plotlines. Alexander Payne makes the story skip and weave through every potential snarl-up with all the grace of a hula dancer, sliding effortlessly between the disparate elements of Matt’s increasingly hectic life to an accompaniment of traditional Hawaiian music and endless, unashamedly indulgent shots of the gorgeous landscape.

Speaking of Matt, George Clooney really is superb – better by far than in his own film The Ides of March, another likely Oscar nominee in which his character fades into the background in favour of Ryan Gosling. Matt is earnest, believable and dryly hilarious, and Clooney’s not above a little dignified slapstick. It’s his best performance in years. When Clooney’s busy mugging away in pursuit of his Oscar, though, Shailene Woodley is more than capable of holding the fort. The outrageously young and unjustifiably obscure actress gives an emotionally resonant performance filled with genuine rage and frustration – watching her scream out her grief in a beautiful underwater shot may be my favourite five seconds of 2012 so far. Amara Miller is about as good as barely-teenager actresses always are, because we give them the benefit of the doubt, and relative newcomer Nick Krause is enormous fun as Alexandra’s meathead (or is he?) mate Sid.

I could go on about the clichés littering The Descendants‘ script, its predictably climax and its irritatingly saccharine dénouement, but I shan’t. It’s bloody difficult to make a comedy drama which doesn’t end up absurdly skewed in favour of one or other genre (for my money, Hollywood’s last truly successful effort was The Kids Are All Right), and Payne has done a marvellous job of it. It might not be the life-changing experience that some of the gushing poster quotes would have you believe, but this is a gorgeous film that’s well worth your time.

The Descendants took home Best Drama and Best Actor – Drama for Clooney, whilst The Artist won Best Comedy/Musical, Best Actor – Comedy/Musical (Jean DuJardin) and Best Original Score.

The Globes’ curious habit of splitting prizes between dramatic and comic films has been questioned, as it is virtually every year – The Artist, after all, could very easily have been included in the drama category, and The Descendants is a comedy-drama. Both films remain classic semi-highbrow Oscar fare. Meanwhile, Meryl Streep demonstrated the perpetual canniness of taking on disabled roles as she won Best Actress – Drama for her performance as the dementia-ridden Margaret Thatcher in The Iron Lady, whilst Michelle Williams’ portrayal of Marilyn Monroe in My Week With Marilyn won her Best Actress – Comedy/Musical. Christopher Plummer – can you believe he’s 82? – and Octavia Spencer picked up the Best Supporting prizes for Beginners and The Help respectively.

Several of the principal non-acting prizes went to Hollywood heavyweights – Martin Scorsese won Best Director for animated 3D feature Hugo, Woody Allen took Best Screenplay for the sublime Midnight in Paris and Steven Spielberg picked up the Best Animated Feature gong for Tintin. Rounding off the awards, A Separation scooped yet another Best Foreign Language Film prize whilst W.E won Best Song for ‘Fuck off, Madonna, you’re not even English’ (or something). There were some TV things as well, but that’s none of our business.

Do you think the Globes are pointing the way to this year’s Oscars? Let us know below!

Wonderful thing The Artist walked away with four awards including Best Picture and Best Director, and Boo Racism (or The Help as it’s sometimes known) claimed Best Actress for Viola Davies, Best Supporting Actress for Octavia Spencer and Best Ensemble. George Clooney pipped Jean DuJardin to the post for Best Actor for his performance in The Descendants (hurry up and hit the UK, dammit) and Bridesmaids picked up Best Comedy, surprising no-one. Full list of awards below, but can we just take a moment to say a large HURRAH for the dream team that is Aaron Sorkin and Steve Zaillian – writers of Best Film You Probably Didn’t Bother With But Should Have Moneyball. Can you write more things together, please? Thanks.

Best Picture: The Artist
Best Comedy: Bridesmaids
Best Animated Feature: Rango
Best Action Movie: Drive
Best Documentary: George Harrison: Living in the Material World
Best Director: Michel Hazanavicius, The Artist
Best Actress: Viola Davis, The Help
Best Actor: George Clooney, The Descendants
Best Supporting Actress: Octavia Spencer, The Help
Best Supporting Actor: Christopher Plummer, Beginners
Best Ensemble: The Help
Best Young Actor: Thomas Horn, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
Best Adapted Screenplay: Aaron Sorkin and Steve Zaillian, Moneyball
Best Original Screenplay: Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris
Best Foreign Language Film: A Separation
Best Cinematography: Janusz Kaminski, War Horse
Best Art Direction: Hugo
Best Editing: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Best Costume: The Artist
Best Score: The Artist
Best Song: The Muppets, “Life’s a Happy Song”
Best Visual Effects: Rise of the Planet of the Apes
Best Make-Up: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2
Best Sound: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2

So, is this any indication of how The Oscars will play out? Yes, probably. It’s a bit of a shame that The Artist has yet to win any acting awards, considering just how brilliant DuJardin and Berenice Bejo were, but we’ll just have to wait and see what happens at the Academy…

The Monuments Men, based on the book of the same name by Robert M. Edsel, will tell the true story of a handpicked group of museum directors, curators, and art historians sent to retrieve art treasures appropriated by the Germans during WWII. Set between D-Day and VE Day, the book explains how the frequently unarmed art experts risked life and limb behind enemy lines to negate the impact of Hitler’s cultural blitzkrieg.

Clooney will direct, star, co-write (alongside Heslov) and also write and sing the feem toon, because God knows we might forget what he looks like if he ever gets out of our faces for five minutes. “I’m not opposed to doing a commercial film,” said Clooney, “I’m just opposed to doing a commercial film that doesn’t feel organic to me. So if [Heslov and I are] going to do a commercial film we thought, ‘Let’s do something that seems fun and actually have something to say.’”

We’re quite interested in this, although it’s worth bearing in mind that Clooney and Heslov were also responsible for the almost unbearable The Men Who Stare at Goats. Let’s hope the Nazis prove less challenging…

Which artistic treasure would you most like to wrest from Hitler’s paws? Let us know below!

#10 – Mother And Child
6th January

Do you like taut, emotionally-fuelled and well-acted dramas? Then you’ll probably enjoy Mother And Child. Or, at the very least, you’ll enjoy the first half of it. Three women. The process of adoption. Samuel L. Jackson probably not dying… it all spells out something rather interesting and, at the same time, very irritating.

#9 – Coriolanus
20th January

Coriolanus is, in the words of one film reviewer, “Shakespeare for the Call of Duty generation”. How could we not be on board with that? Ralph Fiennes is in it. You may know Ralph from such roles as Voldemort, Francis Dolarhyde and Jesus. In this film, he takes on his biggest role yet… as the DIRECTOR! He also shaves his head. It’s gotta be worth seeing for him shaving his head; it’ll be like watching a Making Of Voldemort documentary, in a weird way.

#8 – J. Edgar
20th January

Everybody keeps telling me that J.Edgar is one of the dreariest and most awful films ever made. But I refuse to believe it, as Leonardo Di Caprio takes on the title role and, by God, if there’s one thing Di Caprio can do it’s act bloody well. Remember Revolutionary Road? Remember Inception? Remember The Beach? I’ll even concede that he’s quite good in Titanic, despite the fact that I hate the film with a passion. So how can J. Edgar possibly be bad? HOW?!

#7 – A Useful Life
13th January

Do you want to know why we like the sound of this one? Do you really? It’s because it makes devoting your life to cinema seem like an exceptionally fantastic idea. A Useful Life is, basically, an insight into the world of cinephilia. No, strike that. It is an ELEGY to the world of cinephilia. It will make you scorn the multiplexes, fall in love with your local arthouse and view films as something more than just light entertainment. They will take on the role of the instructor, of the maternal figure and of the unique philosopher. In short, this little lovely will be sure to prove a feather in the cap of serious cinema-goers everywhere.

#6 – Tatsumi
13th January

Yoshihiro Tatsumi’s graphic autobiography has been brought to biopic status by Eric Khoo. This dark animation pays homage to the world of ‘gekiga’ manga and, set in the aftermath of WW2, frequently forces extremely violent and sexualised scenes upon the viewer. Apparently there’s a bit where a big glob of semen slides down the screen. I don’t even like typing the word ‘semen’, so you can imagine how very unsettling this film truly is…

#5 – The Descendants
27th January

George Clooney is still looking nifty at fifty, isn’t he? He’s the sort of human being who has had divine qualities laden upon his fine form; he’s even gained omnipresence with the god-awful Nespresso adverts that invade our evening television. “Nespresso… what else?” What else indeed, Clooney? How about earnest family drama The Descendants, a film which feels like it has been around FOREVER without quite making it to cinemas yet? It tells the story of a man coming to terms with the impending death of his wife, not to mention how he deals with informing his daughters of this hideous oncoming tragedy. Apparently it’s a comedy. We all find comatose spouses funny, don’t we? Haha, let’s all have a bloody good laugh. But anything’s better than the heartbreaking sight of Clooney being robbed of his last express coffee sachet, for Christ’s sake.

#4 – The Darkest Hour
13th January

Moscow is beautiful. The five young stars of this film are beautiful. You know what ISN’T beautiful? An unseen and unstoppable alien force hell-bent on destroying all life as we know it. A devastating attack leaves humanity in tatters, as the invisible threat attempts to rob us of all our Earthly power supplies. It also kills dogs in a most horrific way, as seen in the trailer. Doesn’t it look a little like the dog from the trailer was popped into an invisible blender? Awful. Just awful. Despite this minor upset, this stylish supernatural thriller looks like it might just be (ahem) out of this world.

#3 – War Horse
13th January

God, we so wish we could put this in the number one slot. We so so wish we could; it’s a film about WAR and HORSES, for crying out loud! There’s nothing us BFF peeps love more than horses, as avid followers of the site are probably aware by now. However, with rumours of an Oscar nomination rife and Steven Spielberg the driving horse behind the project, not to mention the wonderful novel the film is based on, we’ve got neigh doubts that this will be anything but a whinny. Erm, we meant winner. Obviously.

#2 – The Iron Lady
6th January

If there’s anybody who can make Maggie Thatcher look like a warm and wonderful human being, it’s Meryl Streep. The Iron Lady tells the story of Thatcher’s rise to power and, in due course, changed the UK forever. The rave reviews suggest that, if there’s just ONE film you see next year, it has to be this one. The added bonus of Meryl Streep being British confirms this theory.

#1 – Shame
13th January

Oh, what a SHAME! It seems that there actually is one film in our January 2012 must-see list which beats The Iron Lady hands down. First of all, it’s got sex addiction at the centre of it all. Mmm, nothing better than a sex addiction fuelled plotline, is there? Second of all, it carefully dissects the New York yuppie lifestyle. As we all know from such gems as American Psycho, Wall Street and Keeping Up With The Kardashians, there’s nothing more INTERESTING than the New York yuppie lifestyle. And we say that with completer sincerity. Thirdly, but by no means least, it stars Michael Fassbender and Carey “I Act With My Eyes” Mulligan. In short, we have a fantastic cast, wild topic and a guaranteed night of blindingly gritty entertainment.

Which film are you most looking forward to in January 2012? Do you think the Mayans are right and the world is going to end next year? If so, have you got a plan of action?

TELL US ALL THE THOUGHTS FROM INSIDE YOUR BRAIN!!!

Tagline: The future is history.

We know what you’re thinking. Twelve Monkeys doesn’t sound like the title of a Christmas film. Well it also doesn’t not sound like the title of a Christmas film. Can you just lose the judging face and listen for two seconds, please? It is the Advent Season after all (“And at Christmas you don’t judge people’s film blogs” – Love Actually). This dystopian thriller from Terry Gilliam centres on Bruce Willis’ James Cole, a convict who is sent back in time to discover the causes of a virus that has wiped out a large portion of the population. It’s well dark.

What it SHOULD be about…

Tagline: The future is monkeys. Christmas monkeys.

James Cole is a cynical businessman who hates Christmas. He just hasn’t got time for it! But this year, come Christmas morn, James wakes up and goes to his kitchen to fix an espresso when the postman rings his doorbell with a mystery parcel. Puzzled, James accepts the present and as he unwraps it a monkey leaps out! Just when he thinks he’s got his hands full another monkey arrives on his doorstep the next morning, and another the day after that! Before long, James has TWELVE MONKEYS on his hands, one for each day of Christmas. But will he learn to love them and recapture his Christmas spirit?

#9 Little Town of Bethlehem

Tagline: N/A

This documentary from 2010 follows the lives of three men from three different faiths, caught up in the Israel-Palestine conflict. It’s not about Christmas in any way.

What it SHOULD be about…

Tagline: Innkeeping it in the family. The Holy family.

An innkeeper in Bethlehem is having a great year, hosting all the visitors from a local shepherding competition. Then one night, a heavily pregnant woman and her husband arrive looking for a place to stay. The innkeeper takes pity on them and lets them stay in the stable. A magical baby is born and everybody learns the meaning of Christmas spirit.

#8 Snow Angels

Tagline: Some will fall. Some will fly.

Snow Angels is an emotional drama about an estranged couple, Annie and Glenn (Kate Beckinsale and Sam Rockwell), living in a small town and coping with their utterly depressing lives. If you want to know more, read the Wikipedia page (prepare yourself to be stunned at how bleak this film is. It’s just SO bleak).

What it SHOULD be about…

Tagline: Some will fall in love. Some will fall in snow.

Annie is a hardworking independent businesswoman, while Glenn is a down-on-his-luck writer. Both are lonely hearts. But one day, while Christmas shopping, Annie accidentally runs Glenn over. In order to avoid a lawsuit, Annie nurses him back to health and in the process the two fall in love. Annie confides that she hasn’t made a snow angel since the death of her father and Glenn helps her to recapture her Christmas spirit just in time for the big day.

#7 The Good Shepherd

Tagline: Edward Wilson believed in America, and he would sacrifice everything he loved to protect it.

The Good Shepherd, directed by Robert De Niro, charts the life of Edward Wilson (Matt Damon), a CIA operative. It’s a serious, depressing look at a life lived in the clutches of the intelligence services, and the personal sacrifices that must be made in the name of the American people.

What it SHOULD be about…

Tagline: Edward Wilson believed in being a good shepherd, and he would sacrifice everything he loved to protect Christmas.

Edward is the worst shepherd around. Everyone knows that! Everyone is always like, “Oh EDWARD! What have you done now??!” And now, all the other shepherds in town are leaving for two weeks to go to a Christmas shepherding competition. While they’re gone, a group of sheep poachers turn up and it’s up to Edward to protect his flock and teach the poachers the true meaning of Christmas.

#6 Reindeer Games

Tagline: The trap is set. The game is on.

Yes this is a real film, why do you ask? It stars Ben Affleck and Charlize Theron and Gary Sinise and was (admittedly) renamed Deception, presumably because they were deceiving everyone by calling it Reindeer Games. Although clearly Reindeer Games is the vastly superior title. Nice going, film guys! You guys got it so wrong. This film is about a convict named Rudy (as in…as in, Rudolph the RED-NOSED REINDEER? Oh my god maybe this is a Christmas film) who gets out of jail and becomes embroiled in a bank robbery.

What it SHOULD be about…

Tagline: The red nose is on. As is the game.

Rudy is a cool guy who works at the reindeer sanctuary and wants to win this year’s Christmas fancy dress party – the prize is a whole Christmas goose! Unfortunately for him, sexy Ashley also has her eyes on the prize. Before long they’re both trying to outdo each other with their zany outfits. They soon fall in love and teach everyone the meaning of Christmas.

#5 Three Kings

Tagline: In a war without heroes they are kings.

David O. Russell’s war film follows the exploits of three soldiers (George Clooney, Mark Wahlberg and Ice Cube) in the first Gulf War, who set out to steal millions of dollars worth of Kuwaiti gold. The film is notable for being a searing satire on the nature of war, politics and and the media.

What it SHOULD be about…

Tagline: They are kings…who love to party!

Three wisecracking kings are on their way to Jerusalem for the party of the century when they spot a star hanging over a little town called Bethlehem. The kings decide to follow it and end up in a shed with a newborn baby. Before long, their money-grabbing, womanising ways are being challenged by the nice baby and everybody learns the meaning of Christmas.

#4 Candyman

Tagline: We Dare You To Say His Name Five Times!

Candyman is a film starring Tony Todd as a vengeful ghost monster who was killed by being covered in honey and stung to death by bees. He also has a hook for a hand. If you look in the mirror and say “Candyman” five times he comes and kills you with his hook! It’s not even a Christmas hook.

What it SHOULD be about…

Tagline: We Dare You To Eat Five Candy Canes Before Dinner!

The Candyman is the ghost of a man who worked at a candy cane factory and fell into a vat of candy canes and died. When you eat five candy canes before your dinner, he appears and gives you even more candy and everybody laughs and has a great time. Also, it’s Christmas.

#3 The Gift

Tagline: The only witness to the crime was not even there.

This thriller from Sam Raimi centres on Annie Wilson (Cate Blanchett) a woman who has a magic brain that can tell the future and all sorts of things like that. When a young woman disappears, Annie has to help solve the murder. There’s a scary bit with a man playing the violin really fast.

What it SHOULD be about…

Tagline: The only gift left in the shop is a mother’s love.

Annie is a cynical businesswoman who is rushed off her feet this Christmas. Her young son is losing faith in her, and requests one special Christmas gift. But Annie goes to the shop too late and can’t get the gift in time! Now Annie must travel to the North Pole to get the gift from Santa Claus himself. Will she make it and save Christmas?

#2 Snowtown

Tagline: N/A

Snowtown is an Australian film based on the true story of a notorious band of serial killers. The film follows a teenage boy (played by Lucas Pittaway, who TOTALLY looks like Nick Jonas of The Jonas Brothers fame) who gets caught up in the murders. There is little to no snow involved.

What it SHOULD be about…

Tagline: Snow way!

Teenager Jamie is forced to move away from his home to Alaska. “Boo! Alaska sucks!” says Jamie. But then he discovers that there is a competition to build the best ice village, or in other words, snow town. Suddenly, Jamie has something to live for! He also falls in love with a girl and on Christmas Day they eat turkey together in their igloo.

#1 Schindler’s List

Tagline: The List is Life.

Everyone is familiar with this film, right? Of course everyone is. It’s about a man called Oskar Schindler who writes this list with lots of Jewish peoples’ names on it and then they don’t get killed by Ralph Fiennes. That’s the plot right there. In a nutshell. It’s also really sad and depressing and there’s a little girl in it in a red coat who is PROBABLY FINE AT THE END. No spoilers.

What it SHOULD be about…

Tagline: The List is Life.

Oskar spent hours slaving over his Christmas list, getting it just right. But – just two days before Christmas – he discovers that his Grandpop forgot to put it in the mail! Now, Oskar must set off to the North Pole, list in hand, and try and get it to Father Christmas before it’s too late! Can Oskar save Christmas? Can he teach everyone the meaning of Christmas in time for the big day? CHRISTMASSY SPIRIT LOVE?!?!

If you feel we’ve missed off any Christmassy sounding titles that are in desperate need of a festive makeover, yule let us know right? Cool.

BFF: Jarhead is about a soldier in the first Gulf War, played by Jake Gyllenh –
Mr Jingles: Horse? Jake Gyllenhorse, right?
BFF: No that’s not right. It’s Jake Gyllenhaal. He’s an actor.
Mr Jingles: Oh. That’s much worse.
BFF: And in this film he plays a soldier confronted with the futility of war. In one great scene, he encounters a lone horse in the desert, covered in oil and wandering amidst the smokey, burning landscape. It’s a symbol of the innocence lost in the name of a pointless conflict.
Mr Jingles: That sounds awful. Horses don’t like being covered in oil.
BFF: Have you ever been covered in oil?
Mr Jingles: I don’t want to talk about it.

Neigh or Nay? NAY. There’s only one horse in this film, and it’s covered in oil. NEXT.

#9 – Ladyhawke, 1985

BFF: Ladyhawke is a classic 80s fantasy film about a woman (Michelle Pfeiffer) who turns into a hawk in the day, and a lady at night. She falls in love with a man who turns into a wolf at night and a man in the day which means they can never be together.
Mr Jingles: Hahahaha.
BFF: Don’t laugh! It’s a tragic romantic tale.
Mr Jingles: That sounds stupid. When are you going to talk about the horse?
BFF: OK! So, in the film, the man (Rutger Hauer) has a lovely horse called Goliath. Interestingly, this film made that kind of horse – a Friesian – very popular.

Neigh or Nay? Neigh. The horse gets a lot of screen time and kicks other people’s butts which is cool.

#8 – Fish Tank, 2009

BFF: Andrea Arnold’s film tells the story of Mia, a fifteen-year-old whose life is turned upside down by the arrival of her mother’s new boyfriend (Michael Fassbender). We’ll have to wait and see whether any horses will cropping up in Arnold’s new film, Wuthering Heights.
Mr Jingles: What about the horses in this film?
BFF: Well, along the way, Mia comes across an old horse tied up next to a caravan and tries to free it. Mia’s kind-hearted treatment of the horse belies her bolshy, bad-mouthed attitude. It’s a lovely strand of the story, and quite sad.
Mr Jingles: What? Why is it sad?
BFF: No reason.
Mr Jingles: Nothing happens to the horse, right?!
BFF:…..

Neigh or nay? Nay. You’re making me worried.

#7 – Melancholia, 2011

BFF: Lars Von Trier’s latest film Melancholia is an atmospheric spectacle detailing the lives of the mentally unwell Justine (Kirsten Dunst) and her sister Claire (Charlotte Gainsbourg) while they await what could be the end of the world. The film features some amazing sequences involving Justine’s horse, but we won’t say more in case we give anything away.
Mr Jingles: I like the horse in this film. He’s really cool and there’s a bit at the beginning with him in. But he’s not in the film enough. All those bits where Kristen –
BFF: Kirsten.
Mr Jingles: Whatever. All those bits where she’s on screen, they should take those bits away and put the horse’s face there instead.

Neigh or Nay? Neigh. I haven’t seen the whole film because it was boring. But the horse kicked butt.

#6 – True Lies, 1994

BFF: James Cameron’s action comedy stars Arnold Schwarzenegger as a spy who disguises his true identity from his wife, played by Jamie Lee Curtis. It featured some hilarious sequences, such as Arnie jumping on a police horse and pursuing the baddie (on a motorcycle) through the streets of New York. He then has to get into a lift, whilst still on the horse.
Mr Jingles: Hahahahaha! This is the best!
BFF: We agree! It is pretty funny wh-
Mr Jingles: I love how the horse scares the stupid people in the lift, and flicks his tail in the old lady’s face. Go horse! That horse kicks butt.
BFF: Why do you keep saying that?

Neigh or Nay? NEIGH. NEIGH ALL THE WAY.

#5 – Michael Clayton, 2007

BFF: Michael Clayton is a crime drama written and directed by Tony Gilroy and starring George Clooney –
Mr Jingles: Who?
BFF: George Clooney. He’s an actor. An Oscar-winning act-
Mr Jingles: Who’s Oscar?
BFF: Never mind. Anyway, right at the beginning of the film, Michael – who’s kind of a lawyer – is driving home from meeting with a client in the early morning. He stops and gets out of his car because he sees some horses on the bank of grass next to the road –
Mr Jingles: Horses? How many?
BFF: Three, we think.
Mr Jingles: Cool. Go on.
BFF: Anyway, he stops to look at the horses and while he’s admiring them his car blows up behind him.
Mr Jingles: So it’s almost like the horses saved him?
BFF: We guess you could say that.
Mr Jingles: Horses are the best.

Neigh or Nay? Neigh. The horses saved the day, and there are three of them.

#4 – The Godfather, 1972

BFF: So most people are probably familiar with this scene. In The Godfather, the character of Jack Woltz – a Hollywood movie producer – is “sent a message” by the Mafia by having the head of his beloved racehorse left in his bed. It’s an iconic scene and…Why are you making that face?
Mr Jingles: I’m mad at you.
BFF: We’re sorry but it’s such a famous scene. It had to go on the list.
Mr Jingles: I should kick your butt.

Neigh or Nay? NAY, duh.

#3 – Tangled, 2010

BFF: Tangled is an animated film which reimagines the story of Rapunzel (voiced by Mandy Moore). There’s a great character in it called Maximus. Mr Jingles, would you like to hear about Maximus?
Mr Jingles: No. I’m still mad at you.
BFF: But Maximus is a horse. Not only that, he’s a great horse. He starts off working for the Captain of the Guards, where his job is to hunt down the bandit, Flynn Rider.
Mr Jingles: You mean, he’s enemies with the human?
BFF: Yes, he is. At first.
Mr Jingles: Oh. But he does cool stuff in it?
BFF: Yep. He kicks butt.

Neigh or Nay? Neigh, I guess.

#2 – The NeverEnding Story, 1984

BFF: This is a classic kids film from the 80s about a boy who discovers a magical world by entering a book.
Mr Jingles: Books are for humans. Horses don’t like books. Except for eating.
BFF: Would you stop that?
Mr Jingles: *mutters something indecipherable* I want a sugar cube.
BFF: The NeverEnding Story was famous for a scene involving Atreyu (Noah Hathaway) and his horse, Artax. Whilst travelling through the Swamp of Sadness, Artax succumbs to the magical powers around him and sinks into the swamp. It is widely considered to be one of the saddest film moments of all time.
Mr Jingles: Why are you doing this to me? Why would you even ask me to come here?
BFF: We’re sorry. But we think you’ll like the next one.

Neigh or Nay? Nay comment.

#1 – Lord of the Rings, 2001-2003

BFF: So taking the top spot is the Lord of the Rings series, which features numerous horse cameos. Most notable are Gandalf’s horse, Shadowfax, and Aragorn’s horse, Brego. Brego has a great moment where he helps Aragorn get on his back after he has fallen in a river and is wounded. Brego then carries Aragorn all the way back to Helm’s Deep.
Mr Jingles: Brego is the best!
BFF: He is. Interestingly, Viggo Mortensen (who played Aragorn) bought the horse that played Brego in the film after filming had finished, because he loved the horse so much.
Mr Jingles: Haha that’s stupid. I hope the horse kicked his butt and ran away.

Neigh or Nay? Neigh, because all these horses are cool. Humans are stupid.

Have we missed any important horse cameos off our list? Let us know below, people!

The presidential election is fast approaching, and the Democratic party’s struggle to find a candidate has narrowed into a two-horse race. Idealistic campaign strategist Stephen (Gosling) is helping mastermind the campaign of state governor and all-round champ Mike Morris (Clooney), a switched-on liberal who advocates breaking the US’s reliance on oil and transforming domestic industry with a new focus on green tech. His boss Paul (Philip Seymour Hoffman) may be jaded, but Stephen has seen the future and he’ll do whatever it takes to propel Morris all the way to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

However, as Stephen gets more involved in the campaign he begins to realise that nothing and nobody is as pure and high-minded as he is himself. As Morris’ poll lead becomes progressively harder to sustain Paul is forced to come up with ruthlessly pragmatic coping strategies, whilst his opposite number Tom (Paul Giamatti) is no less conniving in his attempts to bolster Morris’ opponent. And into the middle of this increasingly convoluted battle sashays Molly (Wood), a clever and appealing intern whose short-sighted actions may have repercussions for her, Stephen and the entire campaign. As nobody memorably said, a day can be a very long time in politics…

My first impression on seeing The Ides of March was that it would make a much better play than a film. Static scenes of concentrated, complex dialogue, monologues crying out for a stage from which to bellow them and a great deal of mute shots in which Ryan Gosling strides between pre-prepared situations all scream ‘adapted play’, and sure enough The Ides of March has its origins on Broadway. It probably should have stayed there. The sense of theatrical heightened reality is never quite lost; a score apparently stitched together from LotR offcuts crashes in at every opportunity, and in the absence of any scenes which aren’t just ‘men in a room’ Clooney goes totally mad with melodramatic lighting and so on. Seriously, nobody actually stands in the shadows.

That said, if The Ides of March is a pointless adaptation it is at least one filled with impressive performances. Ryan Gosling continues a superb year with his passionate performance as the political ingénu who comes to realise that he must choose between principles and ambition, and George Clooney’s reserved Governor switches eerily between charismatic man of the people and ruthless backroom wrangler. The greatest shame is that we don’t see more of Philip Seymour Hoffman and Paul Giamatti – both are phenomenal as the wily campaign managers, and their lone scene together is crackling with years of suppressed tension. The plot is well-paced and engaging, and as the wheels turn Stephen feels more and more like a sort of tragic hero, irresistibly driven away from his ideals by the myriad complications of the political game.

The play on which The Ides of March is based was itself based on the events of the 2004 Democratic primary; seven years down the line, this film has very little to say which we don’t already know. However, it’s a competently made feature which combines excellent performances with unashamedly intelligent writing; not much of Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy was relevant to the current political situation in Britain, but that didn’t stop us liking it and it shouldn’t stop you enjoying The Ides of March for what it is. Mind you, it’s got bugger all to do with Julius Caesar…

Name:

Steven Andrew Soderbergh

Date of Birth:

14th January 1963

Place of birth:

Atlanta, GA, USA

Special moves:

Directing, painting, being bald

Films include:

Sex, Lies and Videotape, Erin Brockovich, Traffic, Ocean’s Eleven, Che

What you probably already know:

Steven Soderbergh’s amazing. You definitely knew that, right? The man Roger Ebert called “the poster boy of the Sundance generation” has been responsible for some of the most critically and commercially successful Hollywood films of the past twenty years, starting with 1989′s Sex, Lies and Videotape (which made him, at 26, the youngest ever director to win the Palme d’Or) and continuing right up to the present day with 2011′s ensemble medical thriller Contagion – which is out in cinemas this very Friday. Although best known for massive hits like legal biopic Erin Brockovich and crime thriller Ocean’s Eleven, he’s racked up one of the most varied CVs in Hollywood.

Soderbergh’s legendary versatility, which is reflected in his refusal to brand his films with possessory credits, has seen him make huge Hollywood thrillers followed by tiny arthouse features, cast legions of stars and then utter unknowns and direct adaptations alongside original material, much of which he writes himself. He’s notorious for adopting actors (Matt Damon and George Clooney have made a combined total of 13 Steven Soderbergh films), is still the only director to have been nominated for the Best Director award at the Oscars AND the Golden Globes AND the Directors’ Guild of America Awards – in the same year, and for two different films. A one trick pony, Steven Soderbergh is not.

What you might not know:

In between his megahits, Steven Soderbergh has never shied away from complicated and potentially uncommercial prospects. His 1996 experimental comedy Schizopolis notably features him as director, writer, composer, cinematographer AND star, and his 2006 film Bubble – filmed with a cast of nonprofessional actors – was held up as an example of “the biggest threat to the viability of the cinema industry today” when it was released virtually simultaneously in theatres, on DVD and on cable. His four-hour biopic of Che Guevara left critics divided and speechless, whilst 2002′s Full Frontal, a film so metatextual that it could tell you what the back of its own head looked like, made Father Ebert comment that “Every once in a while, perhaps as an exercise in humility, Steven Soderbergh makes a truly inexplicable film…”

His occasional blips aside, Steven Soderbergh is still a spectacularly reliable director (and everything else; he’s just taken on the role of 2nd unit director on The Hunger Games to help out his mate Gary Ross). So it may surprise you to learn that in a year or two he’s quitting Hollywood for good. Now that Contagion‘s on the point of release, Soderbergh has just three films to go before he hits his self-imposed cut-off point and retires to focus on his painting. Those films are Magic Mike, which will star Channing Tatum and Alex Pettyfer) in a dramatised version of Tatum’s own past life as a stripper, a feature version of classic TV series The Man from U.N.C.L.E. and Liberace biopic Behind the Candelabra, starring Michael Douglas and Matt Damon. That’s a hell of a swansong.

Steven Soderbergh quote:

“I’m very comfortable with failure. I’m very comfortable being the guy who disappoints people.”

What to say at a dinner party:

“Over the next few years, Steven Soderbergh looks set to cap off a spectacular career with three more beautiful and challenging films. We shall not see his like again.”

What not to say at a dinner party:

“Is he just going to do loads of really intense oils of George and Matt, do you think?”

Final thought:

Please be shit at painting and come back to movies. Please.

Anything else you think the world should know? Drop us a comment below!