“Relax,” says Michael Bay. “What a pack of losers,” thinks Michael Bay.

This Friday heralds the release of Philip Seymour Hoffman’s directorial debut, Jack Goes Boating. In honour of his achievements in the worlds of film and seeming like a nice man, we have decided to take a look back at his career. From bit parts to lead roles, Hoffman has always stood out as a dignified, intelligent actor. Plus, he was in Triple Bogey on a Par Five Hole, only our favourite movie of all time!

We’ve melted our brains watching some of the oddest Christmas films ever committed to celluloid; the least you can do is read our opinions. This blog is suitable for fans of squirrels, kidnapping, teleportation, Martians, amnesia, S Club 7, rent arrears, curling, balloons and rape.