Kirsten Dunst and Charlotte Gainsbourg both give admirably miserable performances in Melancholia; a shoe-in for Film Most Likely To Make You Top Yourself 2011. Bleak, beautiful, and oh so very Von Trier, Melancholia offers an alternative to your run of the mill blast-tastic apocalypse – it turns out there’s going to be a lot of horses lying down.

Kirsten Dunst is miserable again, and we for three cannot wait to see why! Celebrating the release of Lars von Trier’s Melancholia with a look back at Kirsten’s life in film, we present the Cliff Notes on a career that has gone from saving the planet from sentient children’s toys to just having a big, tired sit on the ground in order to watch the world burn. She once kissed Brad Pitt and hated it; how many 11-year-olds can say that?

The Oscars 2012 are, ever so slowly, creeping up on us. And how better than to celebrate the upcoming 84th Academy Award than by pretending we’re psychic and predicting the big winners. We’re even doing this BEFORE THE NOMINATIONS LIST IS REVEALED, because we’re badasses like that. From Melancholia to The Artist, we’ve covered a lot of ground here; take a gander at our prophetic visions and see if you agree with our predictions for the 2012 Oscars…

So indecisive you can’t choose what mug to use for your frothy morning energiser? Well hopefully this list will help you narrow down those options. But for films, not mugs. Hmm…although there might be a gap in the market for Best for Mugs.

Malick’s film wins an award and not some French perfume

As if we needed proof that agreeing with Hitler was never a good idea…

Since little Saoirse Ronan has come out all freckled and hard as nails in Hanna, it got us thinking about other kick-ass girl tweens that could give Bruce lee a good hiding. You don’t want to mess with any of these chicks. Not that you would. They’re not even real, man.

Ever wondered how films really should have ended? Like if Bruce Willis hadn’t been dead all along, or that chick in the Crying Game really was, y’know… a chick? Yeah, we lie awake at night worrying about that stuff too. So much so, in fact, that we found a bunch of animations that just might answer those burning questions and cure that chronic insomnia…

After the stunner that was Spider-Man 2 (in our humble opinion one of the best superhero films ever made), Spidey 3 certainly had a weight of expectation against it. And unfortunately, it’s not really the send-off the franchise – not the mention the considerable talents of Maguire, Dunst, Raimi et al – deserved.

And so another decade comes to a close. Come with us down memory lane as we recall the snakes-and-ladders-esque ups and downs of Hollywood’s movers and shakers from 2000-2010.