I’m not ashamed to admit that I was a huge Star Wars fan. For years my bedroom was festooned with plastic lightsabers, Expanded Universe novels and pages of printed-out cheats for every LucasArts video game going (turns out I was a crap Jedi). My Jar Jar Binks impression was the envy of literally three of my contemporaries, and slip into Yodaese I could like nobody’s business. In short, ten year old me would have been psyched to attend the multimedia preview of the first ever Star Wars film to be rereleased in 3D. Whatever happened?

From the moment I arrived at the Empire in Leicester Square, the latent fanboy in me was in revolt. Stormtroopers? What the hell are Stormtroopers doing at the launch of a film that predates their existence by 13 in-universe years? As any fule kno, the Stormtrooper Corps wasn’t created until the formation of the Galactic Empire at the end of Episode III – but as probably the second most easily identifiable relic of the series (the first being Darth Vader, obviously), it was inevitable that Fox would dust off some of their old uniforms in order to give the hundreds of children and pathetic adults present the opportunity to pose with the iconic white-clad villains. There was also a chap dressed as Darth Maul, but his carefully applied face paint and glowing lightsaber were slightly offset by the fact that he was a bit fat in exactly the way that Ray Park wasn’t. Also, one side of his saber kept going out.

Once I’d negotiated the crowds of idiots clamouring to squeeze onto a tiny patch of greenscreen or cuddle R2D2 (sans Kenny Baker, presumably), the insanity continued. Fox’s Director of Marketing was accompanied to the front of the theatre by his armoured cohorts (and Darth Maul, whose lightsaber had given up completely by this point), and after he’d oozed platitudes for a couple of minutes he ceded the mic to none other than Anthony Daniels aka C3PO. Now, nobody’s arguing about Daniels’ importance – he’s the only actor to appear, after a fashion, in all six films and his companionship with R2D2 is one of the series’ immortal constants. But why was he here, in a non-metallic suit, making crap jokes? It seemed odd that given the most commonly cited justification for 3D (that it eliminates a dimension of suspension of disbelief, bringing the audience closer to the action), the event’s organisers were so determined to remind the audience that NONE OF THIS IS REAL.

Anyway, the film finally started – and at the moment that the weirdly glistening LucasFilm logo appeared, popping out of the screen like Milla Jovovich’s tits in Resident Evil – Something 3D, we were reminded of just how colossal an ego trip this whole venture is for George Lucas. The traditional opening crawl actually looked really great as it disappeared into the depths of space, but from the moment the camera swoops down towards Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan’s spaceship the magic is, largely, dead. The shabby animatronic Neimoidians look even more ridiculous than they did in 1999, and their cod Chinese accents are ludicrously offensive, particularly given their job of kicking off the memorably inane script. And then – oh look, it’s Liam Neeson and Ewan McGregor! God knows we can’t blame them for taking such lucrative gigs, but from their first few stumbling lines it’s clear that not even these fine actors will be able to save their dully pious Jedi characters.

You’ve all seen the film before, so I shan’t bother to spell out the plot except to say that, against all the odds, Jar Jar Binks actually appears to have lost a dimension during the transition to 3D. The overwhelmingly human lead cast highlights just how out of place and uncomfortably animated he looks – whether it’s his stupid fucking ears, his worryingly Minstrel-esque voice or the incredible slapstick which is his sole reason for existing. Seriously, George Lucas, was it necessary to make Jar Jar step in some shit on Tatooine? Dear me.

Episode I’s major redeeming feature was always its high-energy action sequences, and nothing’s changed. The climactic podrace is certainly enhanced by the use of 3D, as is the final lightsaber duel between Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan and Darth Maul – in both cases the overflowing kinetic force of the scenes themselves are turned up to eleven by the sensitively applied effects. In fact, the 3D is impressive throughout – The Phantom Menace compares very well to many of the other films which have received post-conversion treatment over the past couple of years, although I suspect Titanic will sink them all (ha!) when it’s finally released this April after a conversion process that’s taken well over two and a half years. The added effects are impressive when they need to be and unobtrusive when they don’t, blending into what is already a CGI-heavy film with little of the awkwardness of Clash of the Titans and the like.

In many ways, this is the great failing of The Phantom Menace 3D. Its conversion does indeed render the experience of watching it (particularly on the big screen) more immersive than ever before – and with less of a physical barrier between the audience and the action, it’s even harder to ignore just what an amateurish film this is. The script is terrible, the characterisation scarcely exists and the plot is roughly bolted together to ensure the next high-octane sequence is never too far away. Great lumps of clunky exposition litter the dialogue (“Qui-Gon, I’ve been wondering – what are midichlorians?”) and Jake Lloyd is once more able to remind us that, against all the odds, he was actually a worse Anakin than Hayden Christensen. It’s an achievement of sorts, I suppose.

The original Star Wars trilogy retains its status as a crowning achievement in sci-fi, even if its good name was sullied by the disastrous prequels (of which Episode I can arguably call itself the worst). But how on earth are its 70s and 80s effects going to stand up to the 3D treatment? Fans were horrified when the Ewoks started blinking – they’ll never stand for this. Seeing Star Wars: Episode I again reminded me why I haven’t watched it in years – it’s a film for children in a way that the originals never were, and I fear that this unnecessary and counterproductive re-release will do nothing but remind a generation of current and former fans just how easily amused their preteen selves were. Call off the other conversions, George – the Force is anything but with this misguided venture.

Watch it. We’ll talk after.

Some initial thoughts:

- The point of the Battleship game, surely, is that you cannot see your nemesis. No? Intrigue through strategy and all that? Director Peter Berg’s philosophy seems to do away with that namby-pamby mystery element and insists that less may be more, but more is EVERYTHING EXPLODING FOREVER

- The baddies are spiky tires. So this film is basically Rubber, but with added Megatron.

- Your serious British guy talking says “take this premise seriously”, but your screaming guitar shredding says “YEAHHHHHH DEATH TO EVERYTHING MOTHERF*CKERRRR”

- “They’ve created a barrier. No-one can get in or out.” “Well, we do have someone on the inside.” “Well, who?” CUT TO RIHANNA! RIHANNA’S ON THE INSIDE, THAT’S WHO’S ON THE INSIDE! THANK GOD EARTH IS SAVED BECAUSE RIHANNA IS ON THE INSIDE!

- Taylor Kitsch is totes gonna have a punch-up with that alien on the boat, and it’ll be well bad-ass because who even knows whether those aliens have elbows and stuff?

- WHO IS GOING TO BE THE ONE TO SLEEP WITH RIHANNA?

Our eyes hurt now.

There are also whispers that he wants Liam Neeson in a supporting role – first badger? Second, female badger? Lest we forget, the last time Neeson And Crowe teamed up for a project the result was the desperately underwhelming The Next Three Days, but with Neeson’s Grey success and Russell Crowe not grabbing anyone by the throat for a while now, it might be that the tide is turning in Noah‘s favour. As it were.

Nothing’s confirmed yet, so take at as jovial hearsay for now. But it will be interesting to see what Aronofsky does with a mega-budget; we know he’s very well suited to smaller films like the wonderful Pi and Requiem , will more money dilute or intensify his brand of creative genius? Let’s find out, BIBLE STYLE.

Marooned at a desolate oil rig in Alaska, Ottway (Neeson) is just another lost soul toiling at the end of the earth. Taciturn and brooding, he patrols the encampment; unnoticed by many of the coarse, hard-drinking men with whom he lives, but frequently saving their lives as he shoots the huge wolves which venture into their outpost. Ottway has lost his purpose in life, and when – if – he leaves the rig he has nobody to go home to. Boarding a tiny, rickety plane to Anchorage with a few dozen other workers going on leave, Ottway rereads and discards the umpteenth letter he’s written to his wife, who is absent in unexplained circumstances. It’s nearly the last thing he ever does.

Whilst struggling to pass through an ice storm, the plane comes down and Ottway regains consciousness to find he is one of only a handful of survivors. That doesn’t mean, however, that they’re the only living things on their inhospitable patch of tundra – whilst looking for survivors, Ottway comes across an air stewardess being eaten by a wolf. Later that night one of the seven remaining men is eviscerated whilst on guard, and Ottway’s study of wolf behaviour leads him to suspect that his dwindling band is encroaching on the pack’s territory. Their only hope is to leave the wreckage of the plane and head south… and hope they catch up with civilisation before nature catches up with them.

You may have noticed that I’ve not mentioned any characters other than Liam Neeson’s. It’s not an accident – although the other six (then five, then four…) men joining Ottway in his heroic trek are an important part of the story, that part is ‘those other guys who aren’t Ottway’. This is Liam Neeson versus Alaska in all its primal, alien glory, and the other human characters are no more significant in the overall, elemental struggle between Earth and Irishman than are the wolves. Which is to say that they’re quite frequently significant in a visceral, oh-look-he’s-just-died way, but they’re never going to have an effect on the endgame.

Neeson really is startlingly good, bringing a gruff humanity to a character who could easily have been another of his emotionless ciphers. Ottway’s past is sparingly dipped into but the few moments we see reverberate through the film, shaping his actions in ways the audience understands but Ottway’s fellow travellers cannot hope to. Although said companions are underused, some of them are very watchable. Frank Grillo’s Diaz, an ornery troublemaker whose tussles with Ottway cleverly mirror disputes with the wolf pack’s Alpha, is particularly memorable – and his final scene, about which I propose to say nothing, is one of the most simple and affecting sequences I’ve ever seen in a thriller. In a way it’s a shame that the other characters don’t get more chance to develop – they all have plenty of screen-time, but apart from an obligatory ‘sit round the campfire and divulge an illuminating secret’ scene they’re all relatively forgettable. Hendrick (Dallas Roberts), a significant player in the third act of the film, about whom I can remember literally nothing to flesh out this sentence, is so unmemorable that I briefly thought he was a new addition to the team when the cast had finally thinned out so much that I couldn’t miss him.

Ultimately, however, you can’t begrudge Joe Carnahan’s decision to focus on Ottway and his one-man battle against the barren Arctic wastes. This is a truly impressive thriller, knowing when to pull its overtly thriller-themed punches (I doubt the wolves have more than five or six minutes’ continuous screentime in the whole film) but unafraid to deliver the full clout of its emotional and atmospheric weight when necessary. I left the cinema shivering for more reasons than the ever-present snow.

Name:

Ralph Nathaniel Twisleton Wykeham Fiennes

Date of Birth:

22nd December 1962

Place of birth:

Ipswich, Suffolk, England

Special moves:

Actor, director, Shakespearean, Dark Lord

Films include:

Schindler’s List, The English Patient, The Constant Gardener, Harry Potter (various), Coriolanus

What you probably already know:

Assuming for a second that the literate and/or movie-going population of the English-speaking world can be wholly defined using a Venn diagram of a) Shakespeare fans and b) Harry Potter fans, everyone knows Ralph Fiennes. As one of the most noted Shakespeareans of his generation (second only, perhaps, to Kenneth Branagh), Fiennes has presided over adaptation after ground-breaking adaptation of the Bard’s back catalogue, mostly in theatre but with some notable onscreen exceptions (hello, Coriolanus!) And when he’s not declaiming and learning speeches with lots of ‘thou’s in them, he’s Lord Voldemort. Simple, really.

So simple, in fact, that it’s easy to forget just what a stunning CV Fiennes really has. His growly face and willingness to play absolute bastards has seen him appear in some of the most acclaimed and culturally significant dramas of the last twenty years, including The English Patient (nine Oscars), Schindler’s List (seven Oscars) and The Constant Gardener (one Oscar, which is frankly outrageous). Whether he’s playing Nazis, dark wizards, Jesus or a brutal gangster with a grudge against telephones (“YOU’RE AN INANIMATE FUCKING OBJECT!”), Ralph Fiennes is in line to take over from Gary Oldman as the best British actor never to have won an Oscar.

What you might not know:

This might seem a simple place to start, but you’d be amazed how many people get it wrong – it’s not RaLph, it’s RaIf. Seriously, do you think a man with middle names like Nathaniel, Twisleton and Wykeham would have a name like Ralph? We bet that pisses him off no end, there’s no point in having a ridiculously posh moniker if nobody uses it. Another thing which probably pisses Raify boy off is having people think he’s just a stock villain, when actually he’s been more than willing to appear in shit non-dramatic films galore – it might not be polite to mention this, but the man was in Maid in Manhattan. And that ghastly Avengers remake. And Clash of the Titans, MY GOD! If there’s one thing that says ‘fire your casting agent’, it’s playing Hades opposite Liam Neeson.

Now his part in probably* the biggest franchise ever has finally drawn to a close, the way is clear for Fiennes to return to his first passion – the proscenium arch. He’s on record as saying that if a gun was put to his head he’d choose theatre over cinema, and with last year’s acclaimed performance as Prospero in Trevor Nunn’s The Tempest (as well as a Tony for his 2007 turn as Hamlet) under his codpiece we’re hoping for some more thrilling live performances. As well as an inevitable reappearance as Voldemort 2 in Harry Potter: The Return of The Bastard Baldy, obv. So long as he stays away from John Steed’s bowler hat…

Ralph Fiennes quote:

“When theatre becomes a soothing middle-class thing, when it’s packaged as the Night Out, then that’s the death of it.”

What to say at a dinner party:

“Having proven himself as a first-class director with Coriolanus, Ralph Fiennes has equipped himself with a full arsenal of skills for use behind and in front of the camera as well as onscreen. With any luck he’ll start composing his own scores next!”

What not to say at a dinner party:

“Look, it’s pronounced Ralph and that’s an end to it.”

Final thought:

We can’t wait to see what Ralph Fiennes directs next. We’d just like him to not star in it, please.

Anything else you think the world should know? Drop us a comment below!

Yeah, Wrath of the Titans looks a bit shit.

Recap. Zeus (Liam Neeson) is ailing, the Titans are kicking up a fuss again and an ostensibly mortal LAD has to be brought in to sort things out. Remind you of anything? Add to that the eight-armed two-fronted spinny sword man, lots of sharp things getting even sharper, ROSAMUND PIKE IN A BREASTPLATE WHAT THE FUCK, a massive Cyclops chappie, someone with a shockwave hammer (Jesus Christ), a SLIDEY HOUSE, a glowy trident, a massive dog and A FUCKING DOOR THAT CAN REPEL FIRE, and it looks like we’ve got ourselves another hundred-million-dollar waste of two hours. Roll on March *yawn*

Do you give a shit? Nor us.

Just watch this:

…

We’re running out of words for Battleship, although ‘utter fucking nonsense’ always goes down well. What are your favourites?

Starring: Philip Seymour Hoffman as Terry Larsson, Kristin Scott Thomas as Suzanne Jacobs and Jim Broadbent as Professor Edwin Jacobs

Middle aged Lego enthusiast Terry meets the woman of his dreams, Suzanne, at a Lego convention. She’s a divorcee who’s been hurt before and he’s got problems with social interaction and personal hygiene/space. Terry impresses Suzanne with his baking, kindness towards children/animals and shy demeanour and eventually she begins to fall for him, despite the protestations of her dad, a snooty professor. Terry proposes to Suzanne and they have a Lego-themed wedding which appears on the cover of Lego-themed magazine, LEGO Magazine.

#9 – LEGO: Legocy

Starring: Justin Timberlake as Cal Hopper, Tom Felton as Mal Foy and Terence Stamp as the voice of the computer

Cal is your average computer nerd who loves wearing glasses and science and not having girlfriends. He is so excited for the new Lego videogame that he downloads it illegally from a freaky site he’s never been on before. Cal asks his frenemy and computer hacking rival Mal over to play but as soon as they hit start they are transported into the world of the game. Soon, Cal realises that the only way to get out alive is to complete the game from the inside. But things go from bad to worse when Mal goes rogue. Eventually Cal escapes by hacking into the system and destroying the central computer. Cal never downloads anything illegally ever again.

#8 – We Bought A Lego House

Starring: Tom Cruise as Jack Washington, Elle Fanning as Sissy Washington and Michael Clarke Duncan as the estate agent

After the death of his wife in a tragic accident, Jack Washington finds his life falling apart around him. His teenage daughter Sissy is acting out and everything seems headed for disaster until Jack decides to quit his job as a professional businessman and move away to the country. Sissy and Jack go to look at their dream house – it’s perfect in every way until the estate agent lets slip that it’s actually made of Lego. Jack and Sissy decide to make a go of it in the Lego house and eventually they forget what they were ever fighting about.

#7 – Bricks

Starring: Jesse Eisenberg as Wilbur, Nicolas Cage as Dr Quentin and Ellen Page as Wilbur Jr.

Wilbur Walsh is a young man who loves two thing in life: Lego and his canary, Wilbur Jr. When Wilbur Jr dies in a tragic accident, Wilbur Sr. sets his heart on building a life size Lego world which he can retreat into (when things are made of Lego, they can’t die in tragic accidents). Wilbur’s parents decide to take Wilbur to a therapist, Dr Quentin, but it turns out he’s an alcoholic on his last legs. Against the odds, the two become fast friends and Wilbur introduces Quentin to his Lego creations. In the end they compete in and win the World Lego Championship, but just as they are collecting the trophy, Dr Quentin collapses and dies of alcohol poisoning. Wilbur gives up his obsession and begins training to become a therapist, but not before he builds a lifesize Lego version of Dr Quentin.

#6 – ZombieLegoLand

Starring: Michael Cera as Jimmy, Zach Galifianakis as Bob and Scarlett Johansson as Queen Elizabeth

Whilst on a dream trip to Legoland Windsor with his friend Bob, Jimmy discovers there has a been a zombie apocalypse in the UK. The two of them quickly lock themselves into Legoland and desperately try to fend off the attacking hordes. Matters become even more bizarre when a zombie Queen Elizabeth turns up and tries to eat them. Eventually Jimmy and Bob escape and hot air balloon their way back to the USA where they vow never to look at Lego in the same light again.

#5 – Lego Of My Heart!

Starring: Zooey Deschanel as George, Haley Joel Osment as Leslie and John Malkovich as Mr Jingles

George is a single, zany young woman who knows all the words to old movies, wears hats and works in Mr Jingles’ toy shop. Her life is turned upside down when a young man, Leslie, comes through the door one day. Leslie works as a Lego constructor and has been hired to build several elaborate Lego sets for the shop. George is frustrated by Leslie’s presence at first but soon they begin to look at each other in a new, sexy light. Leslie gets a job in Delaware and George chases him to the airport dressed as a piece of Lego. Leslie is amazed and throws himself out of the plane. After three months recovering in hospital, Leslie and George get a Lego cat together and watch some old movies.

#4 – Jurassic Park X: Rise of the Legosaurus

Starring: Gary Oldman as Professor Madd, Orlando Bloom as Franklin and Emma Stone as Melissa

A mad professor decides to build a life size dinosaur entirely out of Lego bricks. Then one night, while Professor Madd is eating dinner with his nephew Franklin, the Legosaurus is struck by lightning in a freak storm and comes to life. Professor Madd, Franklin and brilliant young science student Melissa must race against the clock to stop the Legosaurus before it destroys everything they hold dear. They manage to find the dinosaur but it turns out it had just stepped on a Lego piece that was hurting its foot. Professor Madd blows up the Legosaurus with a bazooka. Franklin and Melissa begin dating and Professor Madd begins work on his next project: a Lego hospital for starving orphans.

#3 – Lego Man

Starring: Liam Neeson as Detective Walter Kane, Ashley Judd as Gina Kane and Paul Giamatti as Dr Blood

Detective Kane is just about to retire from the force when a spate of murders across the city shocks him back into action. The killer, known to the press as “Lego Man”, targets young women, killing them and cutting them into hundreds of tiny, identical pieces. His calling card is a single red Lego brick. Kane recruits his old friend, criminologist, Lego-obsessive and heart surgeon to the stars Dr Blood to help him hunt down the killer. In the end it turns out the killer is Kane, who was haunted by a repressed childhood memory of his parents having sex on a box of Lego. Dr Blood and Kane’s wife kill Walter by pummelling him with Lego pieces and then get married.

#2 – Stuck on You 2: The Lego Years

Starring: Johnny Knoxville as Walt Tenor, Jackson Rathbone as Bob Tenor and Helen Mirren as Mom

The brothers from the first film find themselves once again conjoined – only this time they’re made of Lego! Walt struggles to continue with his acting career and lashes out at Bob. Eventually, the brothers decide to just get someone to separate them and give them individual Lego legs. The brothers part ways never to see each other again.

#1 – Claw Hans

Starring: Peter Stormare as Hans, Rumer Willis as Allie and Chace Crawford as Jesse

Thirty three years ago, local paedophile Hans Gruber (no relation) was brutally attacked by the Neighbourhood Watch. They removed his arms and in a twisted yet hilarious act, replaced them with Lego arms so he could no longer grab hold of the children. Hans disappeared that night but the story goes, if you look in the mirror and say “Lego” thirty three times, Claw Hans will appear, desperately grapple at you with his claws and then choke you. Allie and her friends think the story is just a load of baloney until Claw Hans appears and starts killing them off one by one. In the end, only Allie is left but just as Hans is about to murder her too a huge asteroid hits Earth, obliterating all life.

So unless Hollywood is just pulling our Lego, expect a film resembling one of these within the next couple of years. If you have any suggestions for a Lego-based film, write them here and/or tell your dog because the sad truth is that no one else will care.

Why can’t they all just be friends? The last film, Underworld Evolution, left our feisty vampire warrior with the new ability to walk in the sun. Yet it seems she didn’t get much chance to use it, as the new film begins with Selene (Kate Beckinsale) breaking out of a prison she’s been confined to for 12 years. During those misspent years, it appears that the pesky humans have realised the existence of both Vampires and Lycans, choosing to wage an outright war with both species. Not very PC if you ask me.

19. 21 Jump Street

A remake of the TV series that helped Johnny Depp climb that ladder to stardom. Jonah Hill has co-written (and stars) in the film that follows a presumably youthful police unit in their undercover attempts to infiltrate a high school, in order to control the surge of youth crime. Although Depp has admitted to disliking his role in the show at the time, it seems the pain has faded, as he’s committed to a cameo appearance.

18. Wrath of the Titans

You can never have enough mythological drama in your life. Clash of the Titans concluded with the epic defeat of the monstrous Kraken, slayed heroically by demigod Perseus (Sam Worthington). The sequel picks up a decade on, where we find our hero has chosen the quiet fisherman career option, whilst he raises his son, Helius. Meanwhile, due to Earth’s diminishing faith in the Heavens, the Gods are losing the power to control the imprisoned Titans (who are running out of board games to play). When Zeus’ son and the leader of the Titans, Kronos, strike a deal to capture Zeus (Liam Neeson), the mighty god’s powers are siphoned off into the Titans; unleashing hell on Earth. Perseus must throw down his fishing line, gather up some fellow warriors and embark on a quest to the underworld to save his father Zeus, as well as all mankind.

17. Ghostbusters 3

Bill Murray and the gang will be passing the ray-guns on to a younger ghost-busting team, who will continue to perform their good work. Obviously, technological advances over the last 25 years, since Ghostbusters 2 was released, will undoubtedly mean some amazing special effects are in store. But will the magic remain without the infamous ghost zappings, gigantic marshmallow men and fiery fridges? We’re not completely sold on this one, but we reckon it’ll still be worth a watch. If only to watch the iconic theme tune on the big screen once again.

16. Men in Black III

Can you believe it’s been ten years since you watched the coolest ever secret agent duo save the world from aliens and erase your memory? Ok so maybe you don’t remember, but this little ditty will certainly jog the memory…”Here come the men in black…The galaxy defenders…Uh. Yeah” Sing it loud and proud my fellow earthlings! The sequel has suffered a lot of criticism in the last year, as the team decided to begin filming with only one act of screenplay fully completed. Apparently the script had major plot issues involving the complexities of time travel, so writer David Koepp was brought on board to work out the kinks. All is now on schedule, with Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones bursting through the fabric of time and onto the big screen in May.

15. Die Hard 5

These action veterans will never retire. Even when they’re going bald, or adopting a grumpy demeanour, they just keep on hobbling away from those impending explosions. So it’s no surprise to hear that John McClane (Bruce Willis) is back for another epic instalment in the Die Hard chronicles. Following the pattern of the series so far, the action will take place on a grander scale in Russia, but how they’ll top a police car flying into a helicopter is beyond us.

14. The Hunger Games

Hailed as the new Twilight by a (hopefully neurotic) few, The Hunger Games is based on the trio of ‘young-adult’ novels by Suzanne Collins. Thankfully, the film seems to include more blood-thirsty teeny-boppers, less brooding stares and lust-bitten lips. The story is set in a future society, where townships live within a culture of fear. Each year, as part of a twisted reality TV show, children are plucked from their homes and sent to a remote location where they must battle to the death. If you were a fan of Battle Royale, you’ll love this.

13. Jack the Giant Killer

If you fell in love with the classic ‘damsel in distress’ fairy tale after watching the 1962 version, you wouldn’t be alone. My young eyes were awed by the amazing special effects of the clay-animated giant, as well as the glowing leprechauns, sword-fighting skeletons and transparent witches. Just don’t bother watching it as an adult – the magic sadly doesn’t compare to the modern CGI techniques. But maybe the new version can recapture that old school enchantment. A loved-up farmer (Nicholas Hoult) leads an expedition into the dreaded giants’ kingdom in hopes of rescuing a kidnapped princess.

12. The Bourne Legacy

After being lied to, chased, shot and sexed-up through a trilogy of tense thrillers, we didn’t think Matt Damon could take any more. Turns out he couldn’t. The new movie isn’t set after the third movie, but rather running parallel with it. Therefore expect to see the familiar faces of Rachel Weisz, Scott Penn, Joan Allen and Albert Finney pop up. A new lead role has been cast – Jeremy Renner will play a highly trained covert agent, with Edward Norton taking on the part of the villain.

11. Hansel and Gretle: Witch Hunters

I can understand the frustration of these siblings. To follow an enticing trail of gingerbread crumbs, only to be awarded with a space on the cosy oven shelf of a child-eating witch, would be darn annoying. Having escaped, you would’ve thought that the pair grow up with a few…issues. Perhaps some trust issues, a fear of small spaces, a moral lesson concerning abandoned food? Or perhaps a burning hatred of witches that leads you into a life of hunting them down?

10. World War Z

The film is an adaptation of Max Brooks’ post-apocalyptic novel, which doesn’t follow a normal narrative, but rather provides individual accounts of life after a zombie war. Director Marc Forster has announced that the plot will include some significant changes from the book, choosing to focus on a UN representative (Brad Pitt) who is trying to prevent a zombie outbreak, rather than focusing on the aftermath. So basically, the film will probably feature a completely different storyline.

9. Snow White and the Huntsman

Ah Snow White. The name conjures sweet melodies and images of her lovely shiny…sword? That’s right: the time of distressed damsels is no more. The evil queen (Charlize Theron) sends huntsman (Chris Hemsworth) to kill poor Ms White (Kristen Stewart) but instead he decides to mentor her in the ways of battle, so that she may face her opponent alone. Here’s hoping Stewart can channel all that Twilight-angst into a believably bad ass action heroine.

8. Star Trek 2

Director J.J. Abrams has declared that the sequel will stand alone – aka fans and newbies alike will enjoy the next instalment of spaceship madness. Newly promoted Captain Kirk (Chris Pine), will be leading the uniformed gang into all sorts of drama amidst the solar system, with a couple of point-eared romances thrown in for good measure.

7. Dredd

Based on the comic book 2000AD, the film will focus on the main character, Judge Dredd, in this live-action adaptation. The reboot will remain true to the original story, rather than functioning as a sequel to the flawed 1995 version starring Sylvester Stallone. The film is set on the wild futuristic streets of Mega City One; a lone oasis of quasi-civilisation amidst a violent world. Karl Urban is set to play Dredd – the scariest of the elite street judges, who hold the power to act as judge, jury and executioner. Hardcore fans will be pleased to know that Urban will be sticking true to the character by hiding his face, supposedly to symbolise the faceless system of justice and law.

6. Kick-Ass 2: Balls to the Wall

After a lot of ‘is it, isn’t it?’ flying around, the “darker” sequel to the hit comedy/action Kick-Ass, which followed the quirky DIY superhero story of Dave Lizewski (Aaron Johnson), is actually happening. The new instalment will see the adorable assassin we all know and love, Hit-Girl (Chloe Moretz), try to tame her hunger for violence through acting like a normal girl; watching cartoons, playing with dolls…guaranteed comedy moments. But villain Red Mist (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) is set to adopt a much more dangerous mind-set, enabling him to seek revenge for his family’s murder.

5. The Amazing Spider-Man

After the relieving cancellation of Spider-Man 4, we think it’s about someone let the Hollywood youngsters breathe some fresh talented air into an exhuasted concept. Hot property Emma Stone is joining a surprisingly bulked-up Andrew Garfield in this retelling of Spider-Man’s confusing adolescence. Rhys Ifans has jumped aboard to play the supernatural villain, Dr. Curt Connors, who injects himself with lizard serum in an attempt to regrow his lost arm…leading to scaly consequences.

4. Prometheus

30 years on after directing Alien, Ridley Scott is returning to the sci-fi genre to direct another space-bound action movie. A spaceship by the name of ‘Prometheus’ is used to transport a group of scientists and explorers (including Michael Fassbender and Charlize Theron) to a distant world where they will investigate fragments of “Alien DNA”. Hmmm…an Alien prequel perhaps?

3. The Avengers

I really really want this to be good. Really. After being given hints towards the merge through the marvel films Thor, Iron Man 2 and Captain America, we are all hoping that this potentially amazing movie will not disappoint. The plot sees an eye-patched Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) unite Marvel’s famous superheroes in the face of some big bad unknown beastie. Joining the spandex-suited and colourfully-booted team will be Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr.), Captain America (Chris Evans), Thor (Chris Hemsworth), The Hulk (Mark Ruffalo, since Edward Norton decided to join the dark side…aka play a Warner Bros. villain) Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner) and Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson). Sadly not all the Marvel comic heroes made the cut, with poor Antman, Wasp, Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch waiting it out on the bench.

2. The Hobbit: An unexpected journey

Finally, FINALLY the LOTR prequel, obviously based on the novel The Hobbit, will be released on the 14th of December 2012. Martin Freeman plays a young Bilbo Baggins, in his quest to retrieve stolen treasure from a dragon on Lonely Mountain. Oh, and he’s accompanied by thirteen scruffy dwarfs. Certainly unexpected, no?

1. The Dark Knight Rises

The epic conclusion to a breathtaking trilogy of one of, if not THE, most successful superhero series EVER. Christopher Nolan has gifted audiences with a darkly believable portrayal of one man’s determination to save his city from corruption and criminality. He is also renowned for prompting tremendous performances from the cast, most notably Heath Ledger’s haunting performance as the Joker in The Dark Knight. The final instalment is shrouded in mystery, yet we can expect an action-packed blockbuster, with appearances from the likes of Anne Hathaway as Catwoman, and Tom Hardy as Bane giving Batman a terrific send-off.