Following up on our list of best horror remakes, guest blogger Richard has bitten the bullet and sat through some of the worst. Reading this blog may be cause for a little sympathetic squirming; still, at least you’ll never have to feel the real pain of seeing a classic defiled. Tedium. Silliness. Irrelevance – these films have em all!

Neatly bridging the gap between this year’s glut of sci-fi films and the ongoing demand for unusual teenagers who, like, can’t fit in because they’re vampires (or werewolves or gay or whatever else), I Am Number Four will certainly be popular. Michael Bay should be crucified for ruining yet another film with his stupid flashing lights, but who cares when there’s a hunky alien loose?

YES IT WILL. Shut up, ‘century-old tradition of insightful French dramas’. Best. Ever.

And the end of the Earth is nigh.

omigod omigod omigod. No, we’re just kidding – it looks as shit as all the others.

The Transformers: Dark of the Moon director shoots down those pesky 3D-conversion rumours like they were a moment of tender character development.

Hurrah for the bloody goriness that is Guy Fawkes day! A proud, dastardly time indeed in our national history, and a great excuse to give children some fire to mess around with. So considering the film world is usually so ready and willing to hijack our most exciting tales, our question is, where are the films to accompany Bonfire Night?

Two parts Team America and one part Battle of Britain, with a healthy dose of Robot Chicken and some Braveheart thrown in for good measure, Jackboots on Whitehall sounds like a thoroughly unsavoury mix – think sage gravy and Minstrels. But don’t be fooled! With the addition of some superb voice talent and snazzy FX, first-time directors the McHenry brothers have created an unorthodox but thrilling cinematic taste sensation. Think chicken hearts and fried banana (trust us on that one).

According to US reports, Transformers mega-babe Megan Fox has secretly married her long term lover Austin Green in Hawaii. Awww… well we’re glad some good news has come Megan’s way after being tossed out of the new Transformers flick. Though by all accounts good luck to Austin, if Michael Bay is to believed she’s quite the handful!

After the not-so-bombshell that Megan Fox has refused to be a part of Transformers 3 (mainly due to huge bust-ups with director Michael Bay), we’ve waited with bated breath to hear who will be her replacement. Well, according to the grapevine all fingers are pointing towards one girl. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. Who?