You’re probably already aware that Aussie director and all round good bloke Baz Luhrmann is currently filming a new version of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s famous novel. The film stars Leonardo DiCaprio as Gatsby, Carey Mulligan as love interest Daisy Buchanan and Tobey Maguire as the novel’s narrator, Nick Carraway.

You’re probably also aware of the seventies film with Robert Redford back before he looked liked Anne Robinson. But what about the 1926 silent version? The 1949 Elliot Nugent film with Alan Ladd? The 2007 Korean adaptation? Or the modernised version G, in which Gatbsy is a hip-hop mogul seeking to win back his lady love, Sky? Bet you didn’t know about all those, DID YOU? (If you did, we’re very sorry for shouting).

#9 Pride and Prejudice

Apparently in 2009, Elton John’s Rocket Productions announced that they were planning an adaptation of Jane Austen’s most famous novel, entitled Pride and Predator. Sadly, that film has disappeared off the radar. But luckily for you, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies is still set for 2013 (despite the IMDB board for this project featuring such topics as “NO NO NO. GARBAGE” and the slightly more subtle “Please do not make this! Th death of film is nigh![sic]“).

The book has been filmed most famously on two occasions: once in 1940, starring Greer Garson and once in 2005 starring Keira Knightley (sadly we can’t mention the Colin Firth version, because that was on the TV – what are we, Best For TV?). The novel also famously inspired the Bridget Jones series, Bollywood rendering Bride and Prejudice and some film from 2003 set in Utah in which Will Darcy is a “haughty businessman”. Ha ha that sounds mad.

#8 Wuthering Heights

So the new film is out on Friday and we here at Best For TV are very excited. Director Andrea Arnold has showcased her talent in Fish Tank and, from the trailer, this new adaptation of the novel looks to be pretty exciting and all modern and cool and stuff. In all seriousness, there is a valid argument to be made for remakes of classic works that tap into the spirit of their time. So a 2011 version should accordingly feature plenty of sexting and Heathcliff planking constantly.

In the past, Wuthering Heights has made it onto the big screen a total of seven times, including one from 1920 (described bizarrely as “Emily Brontë’s tremendous story of hate” – think you’re missing the point there, guys) and the famous Laurence Olivier film from 1939.

Look out for BFF’s upcoming film project, Wuthering Heights High, where young rebel Heath Cliff joins a new school and finds himself an outcast. Only the vivacious head cheerleader Kat will give him the time of day. And soon their friendship turns into a tremendous story of hate.

#7 Great Expectations

We reported recently about some new photos of Helena Bonham Carter as Miss Havisham in Mike Newell’s upcoming film. We also reported that a TV version with Gillian Anderson is also coming out in 2012. SO WHAT’S THAT ABOUT?

All in all there have been eight film adaptations of Charles Dickens’ novel, including the 1946 David Lean version and the 1998 modern-day take on the novel starring Ethan Hawke and Gwyneth Paltrow. There was also a film of the same name made in 2008, but that’s a very loose adaptation of the novel which is mostly about a handkerchief.

#6 Crime and Punishment

Crime and Punishment is about a man who commits a crime and is subsequently punished for it. NICE AND SIMPLE. But according to Wikipedia, there have been over 25 film adaptations of the novel over the years. Twenty five! And then more as well! That’s so many! Obvs, we would love to take you through each individual film in detail but what are we, Best For Crime and Punishment Film Adaptations? No. So we’ve selected one that we thought was extra special and deserving of your time: Crime and Punishment in Suburbia, which starred Mad Men‘s Vincent Kartheiser. You can look it up yourself.

#5 A Christmas Carol

There have been about twenty film adaptations of this Christmassy classic over the years. The novel tells the story of Ebenezer Scrooge, who’s always hatin’ on everything. Then he’s visited by three ghosts who – oh come people, you know the story. WE KNOW YOU KNOW THE STORY.

There have been loads of great film adaptations of this including the 1951 film with Alistair Sim in the lead role; the modernised Scrooged where Bill Murray is a soulless TV executive; and – of course – The Muppets Christmas Carol, largely considered to be one of the best films of all time involving the acting of a green sock.

#4 Romeo and Juliet

No it’s not a novel. SO SUE US. There’s literally nothing you can do about Romeo and Juliet being on this list. There are about seven thousand film versions of this play, perhaps most famously Baz Luhrmann’s 1996 adaptation starring Leo and Claire.

Carlo Carlei’s new film of this classic novel will be out next year, starring Hailee “I was in True Grit when I was but a wee bairn” Steinfeld and Douglas Booth, who is playing Pip in the TV version of Great Expectations. He’s at it all over the place isn’t he?! Someone stop him before this all gets out of hand!!

#3 Anna Karenina

Here’s another novel that Keira Knightley’s getting her paws all over. Joe Wright – who has already worked with Knightley on Pride and Prejudice and Atonement and omg why don’t you two just get married already – is directing a new version of the classic Russian novel which will star Knightley as the title character, and Matthew Macfadyen and Jude Law as other people. But someone should really tell Joe that this film has already been filmed for the cinema ten times – including one Egyptian version retitled The River of Love.

#2 Oliver Twist

Charles Dickens get off this list you saucy devil! We’re only kidding – you can stay. You’ve earned it! Oliver Twist has been filmed about sixteen times for the big screen and that doesn’t even include the musical Oliver! which is full of songs and joy. Although, the boy who played Oliver in that is maybe the father of Michael Jackson’s children. Now try watching that film again with the same wide-eyed innocence. We dares you!

#1 Jane Eyre

And so we come to the end of this list. It’s the end of the road, kids. And taking the top spot is Jane Eyre. Bleurghhhhh. Booorrrriinnngggg. Not really. But this book is a little bit of a snoozefest, especially compared to Wuthering Heights which is all sexy and exciting. We probably don’t need to remind you but this film has been made about 12 times for the cinema, including the 2011 film starring Michael Fassbender and Mia Wasikowska.

“I’m getting anxious! There’s been too much time since the last Jane Eyre adaptation! I think I’m having heart palpitations!” – everybody, all the time

Are there any classic novels that have been repeatedly molested by Hollywood that we’ve missed? Let us know! Down below!

Recipe #5 – Zombie Kebab

Ingredients
1 doll – Some pins/skewers – 1 Houngan/bokor/sorcier of good quality (i.e not a mime in a top hat chasing Roger Moore through Botox salons) – One 1930s nightie – Drums (for seasoning)

Method
As demonstrated in Jacques Tourneur’s 1943 classic, I Walked With A Zombie, dress victim in nightie. Make doll resemble victim, get sorcier to stick pins in doll. Drum a lot.

Results
Bite: non-existent/non-infectious
Speed: wafting
Danger levels: mainly to itself
Usefulness: Scaring the bejesus out of tourists.
Special Notes: This zombie is basically a sleepwalker, easily mistaken for a Monday morning commuter. Stick a pineapple on its head to keep track of it in crowds.

Recipe #4 – Legumes de Haiti

Ingredients
Puffer fish tetrodotoxin extract – Marine toad – Hyla Tree Frog – Sea Cucumber – Datura flower – Human bones – Ground glass – Talcum powder – Spiders – Lizards – Marmite (my own addition)

Method
For more specifics, check Wes Craven’s film The Serpent and the Rainbow based on Wade Davis’ book of the same name. Grind the ingredients, dedicate the mixture to the Loa of Haiti. Rub mixture into skin of prospective zombie. Victim will enter catatonic state – at this point, bury them. Leave in ground for 7-10 days. Dig up.

Results
Bite: non-existent/non-infectious
Speed: shuffling
Danger levels: None
Usefulness: Plantation work/mindless drudgery
Special Notes: Dosage dependant, it is thought that recovery is possible from this form of zombification. Plus, the secret societies of Haiti will be peeved at anyone using their recipes. Just so you know.

Recipe #3 – Zombie Tongues

Ingredients
1 Dictionary (preferably French-English translation) – Some Nazis – A small town

Method
For details of this recipe, watch Pontypool, possibly one of the smartest zombie movies ever made and far too good for me to spoil. Please note this works better in Canada, or anywhere people still use vocabulary.

Results:
Bite: No-one knows.
Speed: human
Danger levels: High levels of infection.
Usefulness: Rappers particularly vulnerable.
Special Notes: Only mimes are safe (back to Roger Moore…). Also, only the merest soupçon of Nazi is needed here, so clever cooks could re-use their supply (see Tommy Wirkola’s 2009 horrorfest Dead Snow)

Recipe #2 – Zombie BBQ Bake

Ingredients
Humans – Radiation – Horse box – Midget

Method
As the mighty George A Romero teaches us in Night of the Living Dead, zombies turn up wherever radiation occurs. Go find a radioactive site – it’s not like they’re rare or anything. Wait. Find first human to mutate into zombie (make sure it’s not you). Get midget to lure zombie into horsebox. Lock horsebox. Now you have two…

Results
Bite: Highly infectious
Speed: Slow…ish.
Danger levels: High levels of infection
Usefulness: Interesting backing vocals
Special Notes: Transit and safe-keeping is always a concern. Or you could just bung it in a mall…

Recipe #1 – Cheesy Zombie Puffs

Ingredients
1 Michael Jackson – Some popcorn – 2 Hellhounds (at least) – The funk of 40,000 years

Method
A sure-fire winner, as demonstrated in the music video Thriller. Wait for Halloween, then mix. Find victim, remove soul for getting down. Boogie.

Results
Bite: Not many teeth but beware their gumgoo.
Speed: Funky
Danger levels: Decomposition, enhanced rhythm,
Usefulness: Dance troop creation, house demolition
Special Notes; Caution required; curdling may produce Macaulay Culkin

There are of course many other recipes, from the virus-marinated sprinters of 28 Days Later to Solanum-powered monsters soon to be revealed in World War Z (adapted from Max Brooks’ bestseller). Alas, I have no more time for Zombie Masterchef; my microwave just pinged and I can hear groaning downstairs. Like an idiot, I left my cleaver in the kitchen…

Taylor had been hospitalized six weeks ago with congestive heart failure. Though she had recently suffered a number of complications, her condition had stabilized and it was hoped that she would be able to return home.

Born in London in 1932 to American parents who returned to the U.S. with WWII looming, Taylor bounded into the spotlight at age 12 after starring in the 1944 box office sensation National Velvet. In 1963, she starred in what was to inarguably be her most memorable role in Cleopatra. She later won Oscars for Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? and Butterfield 8.

Behind the cameras, Taylor’s personal life effectively set the Hollywood standard for tumult and glamour. From jewel-collecting, AIDS activism and a struggle with alcoholism, to 8 marriages and an infamous friendship with Michael Jackson, she was no stranger to both adoration and speculation.

But while the two-time Academy Award-winning actress became largely known in her later life for her multitude of tumultuous marriages and general eccentricity, it is Elizabeth Taylor’s legacy as one of Hollywood’s golden age legends that will leave an indelible mark upon the world.

Dacacche is executive director of Catharsis, the Lebanese Center for Drama Therapy, and it’s her personal energy and bullet-proof self-confidence which form the lynchpin of its success. Her motley cast affectionately call her ‘abu ali’. Daccache tells the camera ‘abu ali’ is the name given to a terrifying girl – “All my future progeny”, she chuckles, “have been eliminated.”

The original play tells the story of a boy on trial for the murder of his father. All but one of the jurors vote guilty – but through leading a re-examination of the evidence, juror number twelve persuades them to reconsider. Interrupted youth and broken family are themes with which many of the convicts strongly identify.

There is appreciable tension during the first group meeting when Dacacche explains to the cast that without their personal stories, their performance will be meaningless. Youseff, who will eventually be cast as the dissenting juror number twelve, reveals a talent for playful and lyrical narration. Others are introverted and some struggle with literacy. One holds up a sheet of paper on which he has misspelled ‘jackass’. “That’s who I was in my life outside” is all he will be pressed to say. Judgements race through our mind. The men are here for the most violent crimes. Can there ever be a fresh start for somebody who has taken a life or committed rape?

The beautiful aspect of this project is the creativity that emerges brightly from the boredom. The prisoners argue over the fine points of each other’s performances and sit together in pairs, strumming jailbird songs of regret on guitars. In one of the funnier moments in the film, these macho participants choreograph hip hop moves, popping their hips as a group to Michael Jackson’s ‘Scream’: stop pressurin’ me, stop pressurin’ me, make me wanna scream.

But what will happen after the lighting, sound design, makeup and press teams have disbanded? A blank prison, so quickly transformed into a perfect contemporary theatre space, can easily turn back into a hopeless penitentiary. Strikingly, all the participants feel that the project is some kind of watershed and they express moving gratitude whilst voicing understandable anxiety about what will happen to them once the project finishes. One of the inmates uses a word that is given in translation as ‘obscurity’ to describe his fear of life after Dacacche and 12 Angry Lebanese. There really isn’t a better word to describe the predicament which faces these men.

This project has made a small but invaluable difference. What a realistic redemption narrative would look like for these men may be unclear, but Dacacche has succeeded in imparting the most important message. As she says to one of her actors: “you are more important than the show itself.”

Grimm Up North Horror Festival, Manchester, 28th Oct – 1st Nov

Described as a “Hell of a Festival”, Grimm Up North is a film treat for the hardcore. Screening no less than thirty horror films and shorts, with additional Q&As, seminars, book signings, exhibitions and exclusive sneak peaks, this three day festival is packed. Plus, this year they’ve decided to team up with The Manchester Science Festival and The Manchester Literary Festival in order to put a little bit more hocus pocus into the event. So if horror films from all over the world send a shiver down your spine (think Dead Hooker in a Trunk, Alien vs Ninja and Reel Zombies) and you happen to be “oop North”, then why not check it out. Find out more here.

Mayhem Horror Film Festival, Nottingham, 28th Oct- 1st Nov

If you’re in Nottingham and can’t find Robin Hood, then get out of Sherwood Forest (it’s no place to be at Halloween, believe me) and into the Broadway Cinema. Not only will it be warmer, but you’ll have the opportunity to preview incredible horror features, most of which haven’t been released yet, plus midnight movies and a masterclass from BAFTA award winning, Gareth Edwards in making monsters. Described as a “weekend of weird”, Mayhem Horror offers a variety of visual horror. Plus there’s a fancy dress screening and party of Poltergeist with PRIZES!!! Have a look.

Screening of Exhibit A and Q&A with filmmakers, 31st Oct, Norwich

Exhibit A, a tale of a normal family falling apart under financial pressure. Daddy has a secret which leads to unnerving consequences. As these events come to light through his young daughter’s video camera, we witness the evident horror that is exhibit a. Not only is there a screening of this in Norwich’s Cinema City, but there will also be a session afterwards with the filmmakers. So if you find people scarier than pumpkin heads, get your tickets.

Monster Movie Challenge, deadline 15th Oct, screening 30th Oct, Birmingham

Calling all filmmakers! Emerald Void Productions are offering ANYONE to make a film; submission is free and ALL films are guaranteed to be screened! All they ask is that the film must be between three and ten minutes and features some kind of monster. No, regardless of how ugly you think your sister is, she CANNOT be the starring monster. So get your thoughts a-churning, find out more and send them an email. Deadline is 15th Oct so get cracking!

Death Weekend, 29th – 31st Oct, Edinburgh

A “celebration of death” sounds like a positive spin on a funeral. But you’ll be pleased to know that Edinburghs Roxy Art House is not creating a morbid aura, rather they’re putting on an astounding and experimental event, taking over the Halloween weekend. Expect cult films, live art and wild parties at one of Edinburgh’s most exciting cultural spaces. Plus, FANCY DRESS!!! Most of it is free, with the maximum payment being around a fiver! See here for more deets.

And for all of youse who are going to be hanging around London like a cloud of creepy fog, here are a few events happening around the big smoke….

London Thrills

Chills in The Chapel, 29th – 31st Oct, Union Chapel, Highbury and Islington

If you find you find you don’t get scared in the cinema or at home, then three nights of scary films in a gothic chapel may be enough to put you in the mood. With candles and already atmospheric lighting, Union Chapel promises an eerie setting. Not only are they screening three classic horrors (Quartermass and The Pit, The Amityville Horror and Hitchcock’s Psycho) but all proceeds will go towards restoring the chapel. Tickets are free but you must book here.

Electric Vintage Does Eighties Horror, 30th Oct from Midnight, Electric Cinema, Portobello Road

The 1980′s was scary at the best of times. What with the big hair, loud make up and Maggie Thatcher, that era was enough to give anyone the heebie jeebies. So, with that in mind, Electric Cinema have opted for a midnight scare screening, kicking off with a myserious cult classic. What film they will show, nobody knows. Personally, I’m hoping for Kubricks The Shining as a main course, finishing with Michael Jackson’s Thriller video. Not strictly a film as such, but it’s got the right vibe. Plus, those zombies can dance. Get your place here.

Halloween Shlockfest, 29th Oct, Barbican

To complement the Barbican’s Future Japanese art exhibition, they are also showing a selection of Japanese films. And as part of the Halloween Shlockfest, the Barbican cinema are showing two Japanese treats: Robogeisha which has been described as a “gory blood fest” and Big Tits Zombie 3D, a satire involving two strippers battling to the death with zombies. Nice. So, if you fancy a bit of Japanese “culture” this coming Halloween, then get involved here.

Singalonga Rocky Horror Picture Show, 29th – 30th Oct, Prince Charles Cinema, Leicester Square

The Rocky Horror Picture Show, the “campest, cult classic” of all time. And yes, ladies and gentlemen, if dressing up, squirting water pistols and dancing in the aisles are your thing, then, this final Halloween event is your bag, baby. Don your best fishnets (whether you be boy or girl) and sing along with Tim Curry, Susan Surandon and Meatloaf, as well as the other hundred glammed up transvestites sitting alongside you. Learn the words before you go.

So that’s it, kids. Pick as many Halloween events as you want. Just don’t charge me for the mega bus bill.

I’m sure I’ll find something.

First off, WHAT?? Who in the name of tarnation is responsible for this? There was me thinking that “Bieber Fever” was a playground rumour, like crusts making your hair curl, but is he really set to take over the world? He’s already got more merchandise then you would know what to do with, including a 22″X70″ cardboard cut out (what would you do with that?) and from what? Two albums? I think Michael Jackson released at least three before he was immortalised in cardboard.

And how has this weird and frankly, disturbing collaboration come about? Well, Bieber and Smith met while Bieber was recording the theme to The Karate Kid and apparently the topic just came up. Huh? If I met Will Smith, I think the LAST thing I would want to talk about was making a film about my life. I would be too busy singing at him. “Now this is a story all about how my life got flip-turned upside-down….” I think you’ll find he would be the one asking, no begging to make a film about me.

As much as I am scared about the “Bieber Fever” spreading quicker than the plague, I will probably go see this film when it comes out. Suddenly I feel a tickle in my throat and am breaking into a cold sweat. Dang. I think I’m infected.

The Charlie’s Angels actress died in June of last year after struggling with cancer since 2006, and apparently her family were hurt and saddened by the fact that she wasn’t included in the In Memorium section of the Oscar ceremony.

Bruce Davis – the man in charge of collating the reel – said he stood by the decision, which was taken on the grounds that Fawcett’s notable work had taken place mainly on the TV, rather than in movies. He added that an unusual number of “extremely distinguished screenwriters” had died in the past year, and the academy had felt honour-bound to mention as many of these as possible in the short “in memoriam” sequence.

The controversy was made all the more potent because Michael Jackson was honoured in the reel, despite his industry being music, rather than film. Davis defended this decision by explaining that he had been the star of a recent release (presumably This Is It) and added “think of all the blogging we would have gotten if we had left him out.”

Should Farah have been honoured at the Oscars? Or should her night be the Emmys? Let us know below

The film is certainly not, as Elizabeth Taylor avidly stated, “the single most brilliant piece of filmmaking I’ve ever seen”. Neither is it an adequate send off for one of music’s last remaining legends. But for all Michael Jackson fans (which should be everyone), it’s sure to make hairs stand on end. In terms of trying to show how good he actually was through this collection of rehearsal clips pieced together and scored by classics such as Billie Jean and Don’t Stop Till You Get Enough, it’s obviously not as breathtaking or overwhelming as the tour would’ve been. However this is not to say that creative director Ortega (Dirty Dancing and High School Musical) failed. After all, it’s a difficult ask to try and communicate Jackson’s magic presence onstage via film. What it does confirm though is that despite his skeletal frame and seeming frailty, Jackson was in good health and still had the same enchanting aura he posessed, back when he out-sang his siblings and became the undisputed King of Pop.

Michael Jackson always said, “I want to start where everyone else would end”. The film doesn’t do enough justice to his musical and choreographic brilliance – it might be called ‘This Is It’ but we know that this is definitely not. Michael Jackson’s legacy will live on forever.

Special Features

The Unfinished Rehearsals Featurette
2 Making-Of Documentaries
The Gloved One Costumes Featurette
Memories of Michael Featurette
Auditions: Searching for the World’s Best Dancers Featurette
Theatrical Trailer

A Welsh independent film made for under £100,000 is currently outselling blockbusters like The Fourth Kind and This Is It in cinemas in Wales. The film, entitled A Bit Of Tom Jones? was originally intended to go straight to video, but after investors expressed interest in the film, Vue picked it up and began showing it in selected Welsh cinemas. And after hearing about the plot, we can understand why.

The film is a bawdy farce about an attempt to sell the severed manhood of singer Tom Jones. Why this film hasn’t been made before now is beyond us. Bernie Snowball, the brilliantly-named manager of the Market Hall cinema in Brynmawr, said: “I’m not surprised the film is doing well. It’s a laugh-out-loud comedy, with the added bonus of being set in Wales.” Added bonus of being set in Wales, indeed.

The point is, for those who are desperate to see this film (ie everyone in the world), we may yet be disappointed. Though the Welsh makers are in talks with cinemas across the UK, there has been no confirmation about distribution anywhere else. Come on people, now is our time to shine! Email, telephone, get a tattoo- we need to get this film global! Do people enjoy stories about Tom Jones’ genitals? It’s not unusual.