The 79-year-old was imprisoned whilst having a quick nap in the attic-cum-dressing-room of a disused New Orleans theatre.

Sir Michael had spent a long day of working on new heist film Now You See Me and retreated upstairs for forty winks, but when Clash of the Titans director Louis Leterrier called a wrap the venerable star failed to awake. Bereft of his mobile phone, he was trapped overnight with no electricity or sustenance in the pitch black attic.

Caine’s accident looks like just that, an unfortunate cock-up with no malicious angle. But where was Kate Winslet, the former actress who now dedicates herself to rescuing vulnerable rich people like Richard Branson’s mum? Insiders suggest that Winslet may be harbouring a decade-old grudge against the actor (who shares her total of six Oscar nominations but has won two awards to her one) – in the 2000 film Quills his character Doctor Royer-Collard ordered the whipping of her character Madeleine. Could this slight have been justification enough for Winslet to potentially condemn a knight of the realm to having to poo in a corner? We just don’t know.

Lesser heroes including Mila Kunis and Ryan Gosling were unavailable for comment. Much more of this and Sir Michael will have to start borrowing Dick Van Dyke’s dolphins…

Will you be boycotting Kate Winslet’s films in solidarity with Sir Michael?

The Friends With Benefits star apparently saved the life of a 50-year-old man who was working in her LA home when he collapsed with a violent seizure. Unfazed by his convulsions and the blood dripping from his mouth (she did have to spend a lot of time on the Black Swan set watching Natalie Portman have a lovely big wank, after all), Kunis put him into the recovery position and forced a wallet between his teeth to stop him swallowing his tongue. She even offered to ride in the ambulance.

This news comes just days after Oscar winner Dustin Hoffman saved a jogger who collapsed with a heart attack in Hyde Park. Before that came Ryan Gosling and his death-defying plunge to snatch whiny journalist Laurie Penny from the path of a New York taxi. And who could forget the legendary story of Kate ‘Hulk’ Winslet, who ran through a burning building holding Richard Branson’s mother above her head (or something)? Man, celebrities are so cool.

Which actor would you most like to save your life? You can’t have Jessica Chastain, we’ve bagsied her.

Daniels is reportedly keen to secure Neeson as President Lyndon B. Johnson (one of eight presidents due to appear in the film over the course of the titular butler’s decades-long stint working at the White House). Neeson was also Daniels’ first choice for the role of President Johnson in his civil rights drama Selma, which finally hit the rocks last year after a sojourn in development hell.

Winfrey (who would be playing possible lead David Oyelowo’s wife) and John Cusack (Richard Nixon!) are apparently now near-certs, whilst Mila Kunis is considering playing Jackie Kennedy. Rumour has it Hugh Jackman may also be involved – he was also signed up for Selma, although we’re concerned that if he takes anything else on this year he’ll never find time for The Wolverine.

Anne Hathaway can have The Princess Diaries; it was her first big hit and, let’s face it, nobody else would want the role anyway.

#9 – Alice In Wonderland
Because Tilda Swinton would have been the shiz!

Anne Hathaway was okay in Alice In Wonderland, wasn’t she? But that’s just it; she was only okay. Sure, it wasn’t glaringly horrible but, on the whole, all she did was make her eyes very wide and pose prettily against the moon every once in a while. On the other hand, wouldn’t Tilda Swinton have been bloody amazing? Regal, kindly, beautiful (in a glacial sort of way), she’d definitely have managed to convey that all-important hidden psychosis bubbling beneath the calm surface.

#8 – Bride Wars
Time to mix things up with Jennifer Hudson

Bride Wars was never going to be a brilliant film; two Bridezillas fighting over a wedding venue is old hat, thanks to all those reality TV shows on Living. Kate Hudson versus Anne Hathaway was sort of fine; Anne did the meek to bold thing adequately, but we can’t help but think how much better things would have been with Jennifer Hudson. We know she can do timid, we know she can do sassy and we know she’s ultra-charismatic. Pitching the Hudsons against each other would have been an INSPIRING idea!

#7 -Love And Other Drugs
Amanda Seyfried is the ultimate sexy-vulnerable chick

Anne Hathaway plays the romantic invalid in Love And Other Drugs, starring alongside the ultimate pin-up for girls and boys everywhere, Jake Gyllenhaal. We’d have preferred to see someone like Amanda Seyfried in this role; the blonde Mean Girls star has covered a lot of ground in her career so far, proving that she can do sexy-sexy AND vulnerable. Perfect for this prime Hathaway role.

#6 – Devil Wears Prada
Anna Kendrick deserves more than Twilight!

Has anybody else ever noticed that Hathaway seems to be the queen of the ugly-duckling-to-swan parts? Yeah, us too. Has anybody ever noticed that she achieves this solely by frizzing up her hair and wearing lots of layers? Yup, we’re obviously all on the same page with this one. So, rather than let Hathaway treat us to another carefully styled bad hair day, why not let Anna Kendricks take on the role of Andrea in Devil Wears Prada? She’s a stellar actress, naturally a little bit awkward and is no stranger to plain-girl roles either. Give Kendrick a chance!

#5 – Get Smart
The name is Jones. Felicity Jones…

This Steve Carell film was described as being “staggeringly unfunny” all the way through. Now we KNOW Steve is usually pretty witty and, sure, it’s probably down to the script, but we couldn’t help but wonder how things would have played out if Felicity Jones had stepped into the role of Agent 99. Less well-known than Hathaway, sure, but she’s just such a great dramatic actress; it would have been far more fun to see Miss Jones adopt the persona of the disdainful and adept spy, don’t you think?

#4 – Brokeback Mountain
Save the gritty drama for Amy Adams

The main issue I have (and the whole team at BFF have) with Anne Hathaway is that, no matter what role she takes on, she IS Anne Hathaway. |There’s just no getting away from it. Whilst some actresses slip seamlessly into roles and completely shed all of their past performances, Hathaway in Brokeback Mountain just led to a lot of confusion as we all wondered what the girl from The Princess Diaries was doing with her top off. Amy Adams, as proven in The Fighter, would have been the number one girl for this juicy role.

#3 – Les Misérables
How about someone who can actually sing?

We’ve touched briefly on this subject before; the casting at Les Mis has gotten wildly out of hand. Anne Hathaway’s singing performances, to date, comprise her little skit at the Oscars and not much else. Does that count? We don’t think it counts. Emmy Rossum, on the other hand, is a talented little whatsit and she’s disappeared from the radar since her Phantom Of The Opera days. Unless you watch Shameless, that is. Ditch Hathaway and give Rossum the break she’s been hoping for, please!

#2 – The Dark Knight Rises
If you can’t have Michelle Pfeiffer, go for Mila Kunis

Anne Hathaway is Catwoman. Did you know that Anne Hathaway was Catwoman? Don’t you think someone as smouldering as Mila Kunis should be the feline crusader instead? We know for a fact she’s a fab actress and extremely flexible, thanks to her stint in Black Swan, and there’s absolutely no doubt that she’d look damn fine in a leotard! Miaow Mila, goodbye Anne.

#1 – One Day
Hathaway ruined it; if only they’d cast Jessica Brown-Findlay instead…

What’s that? You’ve got a role in an English drama for someone who can do a good regional accent? Then why in the name of all that is holy did you hire an American actress to do the job?! Anne Hathaway’s terrible Yorkshire-meets-Brooklyn vocals ruined the highly-anticipated One Day for the majority of those who loved the book. If only they’d cast the amazingly adept Jessica Brown-Findlay, best known for her role as Lady Sybil in Downton Abbey. This little diamond in the rough is busy climbing the career ladder and recently impressed with her performance in feature film Albatross. She’s pretty, she’s charming, she’s vivacious and generally wonderful; in short, she would have acted the socks off Hathaway!

Who else deserves to take over Anne Hathaway’s career? Let us know below!

It’s not that we think that movies should be kept behind a glass case marked “Re-enact for STAGE ONLY”, but with films like Bonnie and Clyde, a definite line is being crossed. I have reasons for this, but it made this entire blog run to 3,000 words, so I had to cut it out. Just believe me: if any movie should be in that glass case, it should be Bonnie and Clyde.

But what films should be up for grabs? What could legitimately benefit from a modern-day reimagining? Let’s take a look at the vault.

#1 – The Witches

If you remember correctly, the film version of The Witches ended with Luke, (a sort of prelude to Jonathon Lipnicki) defying the Grand High Witch’s evil scheme to turn all children into mice. However, in the process he gets transformed into a mouse himself. In the film, a merciful witch turns him back into a boy. In Dahl’s version however, Luke remains a mouse forever. He doesn’t mind though, because he lives with his beloved Grandmother. The pair estimate that he will only live for about four years, which is fine, because Grandmother expects to only live about that long anyway. They’re both pretty OK about it, because they don’t want to live without one another. Of all the fucked up conclusions Dahl toyed with, this is resoundingly the most fucked. To never see an ending like this portrayed on screen is a crime against Dahl’s legacy, and I personally won’t rest until it gets made.

Casting Choices:

We’ll keep Anjelica Huston as the Grand High Witch, but how about Judi Dench as Luke’s cigar-smoking, suicide-pact swearing Norwegian grandmother? I can really imagine Judi Dench being comfortable with a cigar.

#2 – Clue

The weird thing about Cluedo (or “Clue” as the Americans so innocuously call it) is that it’s the only board game in the world that is shit to play but fun to learn about. Whenever anyone whips out Cluedo, you find yourself so immersed in the characters and the setting that you forget that the whole game is one really long process of elimination. “Was it Prof. Plum in THE DINING ROOM WITH AN AXE?” you scream at your fellow players. “No”, they say. “Oh, ok” you reply, crestfallen.

Although a film version of the game was already made in 1985, the movie sank into obscurity largely because it was too cheesy even for THE EIGHTIES.

Casting Choices:

Obviously, it’s a British movie. There’s something so aristocratic about Cluedo, plus you can’t rely on Americans to say words like “pantry” and “drawing room”. Alan Rickman as Prof. Plum, Stephen Merchant as Rev. Green, and Brian Blessed as Colonel Mustard. Yeah, that’s right. BRIAN BLESSED is in my movie. Julie Andrews as Mrs. Peacock and Emily Blunt as Miss Scarlet. My God, this is going to be the best film ever.

#3 – Breakfast at Tiffany’s

While admittedly is a wonderful film, there’s no denying that it’s a thousand miles away from Truman Capote’s original story. In the 1961 movie, Holly Golightly is a kooky escort who evades her customers when it’s time to give up her end of the deal. In the novella however, Holly is somewhat more frankly a prostitute, or “the great American geisha” as Capote put it. Furthermore, she abandons “Fred” and goes to live in Brazil. No finding a cat in the rain here. Also, she’s blonde. Take that, every brunette at a costume party.

Casting Choices:

As the original Holly was 18 when the book begins, I see no harm in waiting a couple of years for Chloe Moretz to do this as her first properly adult role. One of the few things John and I have managed to agree on is that Chloe Moretz is the world’s best existing human, and I can imagine her owning the role.

See? Waify and blonde, steely yet wounded. Someone give my number to Harvey Weinstein, casting movies that already exist is clearly my calling in life.

#4 – Hunchback of Notre Dame

According to my desk/crime partner Kayleigh Dray, the Hunchback of Notre Dame should be remade as a live action movie. She makes a strong case. The original Disney film went right over the edge of what a child’s mind can accept (mass murdering of gypsies, anyone?) so we think a freakishly gritty yet eye-wateringly opulent costume drama deserves existence. Also according to Dray’s shrewd business mind: “Deformed people sell.”

Casting Choices

Andy Serkis in some wacky hunchback suit. Mila Kunis as Esmeralda? She has that kind of gypsy look, and we know she’d look nice in a corset. Plus, she could do some dances with a tambourine. She’d love that. Bill Nighy for Frolo. Just because Bill Nighy can do anything. Phoebus will obviously be played by Ewan McGregor. Because he’s good, and because Kayleigh says so.

#5 – The Witches of Eastwick

The Witches of Eastwick is probably the best book you’ll ever be able to buy at an airport bookshop. Thematically, it’s somewhere between Thelma and Louise and The Crucible, only with great big long words and loads of orgies. The film is a somewhat different animal. It’s enjoyable enough, if camp, silly and somewhat devoid of internal logic. It doesn’t really function that well as a movie at all, more as a series of weird set pieces. There’s magic tennis, projectile vomit, and floating Cher. I have a feeling that this movie only got made because someone called Jack Nicholson and said “Wanna play the devil in this lady movie? There’s orgies.”

Casting Choices:

While the original is strangely good, I’d quite like to see the Witches of Eastwick remade as a serious movie with loads of acting in it. Maybe some Clare Danes (she’s a grown up now, you know), Michelle Williams and some other actress with brown hair. It doesn’t matter who. We could even get Christian Slater as The Devil/Darryl Van Horne. It’ll be his glorious comeback and we’ll all find him weirdly sexy again. Hurray!

Anything you’d like to see revised? Have a good long think and let us know!

Big musical numbers, twelve costume changes alone for that diva Miss Piggy, Christian Louboutin “Muppet” heels, retro benjos, plenty of merchandise and plenty of Muppet humour. It seems like this movie has got pretty much everything going for it. They’ve even got cameos from the likes of Jack Black, Mila Kunis, Emily Blunt, Ricky Gervais, Katy Perry and Zach Galifianakis! Huge cast. Huge stakes. HUGE hopes; can The Muppets ever live up to our huge expectations?

We’re pretty sure that it will, judging from the pictures below. Can we hold our horses until February 2012? No! But, by Kermit, we’re going to give it a try…

Sound familiar? Of course it does – I’ve just described the plot of any number of recent anti-romantic sex-comedies determined to stick it to convention and substitute carrots for flowers, period mixes for chocolate and casual sex for the usual prat-falls, pop songs and hasslesome first dates. Love and other Drugs did it, No Strings Attached did it, and now Friends With Benefits is doing it again - preferably on the couch where there are less overtly romantic overtones.

As such, I was very much prepared to dislike Friends With Benefits; yet another painfully quirky attempt at originality that nevertheless fails to avoid the usual pitfalls and genre conventions, walling itself into a Happily Ever After which never quite seems to fit with its original mission statement. And for a short while, I did. To begin with, Friends With Benefts is a bit of a mess, slurring its introductions as each of our nomantic leads find themselves suddenly single, duly falling into one another’s lives (and orifices) in what seems to be – and is indeed compared to – an out-take from Will and Grace.

Despite myself, however, and despite the excruciatingly hip way in which Will Gluck unites his characters (he manages a hit blog, she’s a headhunter who hangs out atop a sky-scraper to think and attempts to “sell New York” to him via a well timed flash mob), I soon found myself warming to the whole set-up – just as I had done with its many predecessors. Friends With Benefits is delightfully – if sometimes jarringly – aware, mocking the usual genre tropes with surprising aplomb. The script is at its best when critiquing its peers, inverting tradition and trying to paint a more “realistic” picture of sex and relationships - albeit with preternaturally pretty people who seem to be unfathomably rich despite rarely doing much work.

That is not to say Friends With Benefits is not horribly derivative, it is. Like Love and Other Drugs it inexplicably tries to slip in a debilitating neurological condition (this time: Alzheimers); like No Strings Attached it often chooses quirk over character (she blinks when she swears, he sneezes when he comes); and like both of the above it buckles under its own subversiveness, falling back on formula when its leads inevitably ran out of clothes to take off (does nobody else even remember (500) Days of Summer?). But for every Jenna Elfman there’s a Richard Jenkins, however and Friends certainly has its Benefits. Charming, sexy and very, very funny (the scene set on the Hollywood sign only lasts for a moment, I promise), Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake craft a winning relationship that is thankfully more than the sum of its quirks.

Seriously, people, why is the whole Internet behaving like Stan Lee has personally rabbit-punched JK Rowling in the abdomen? Captain America‘s opening weekend delivered a perfectly respectable $65.7m, which admittedly beat Harry Potter‘s $48.1m by a considerable margin – however, it’s worth remembering that almost no film manages to maintain even half of its gross into the second week, and that the opening weekend for Deathly Hallows Part 2 scooped a literally world-beating ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY EIGHT MILLION DOLLARS.

In other news, No Strings Attached-alike Friends With Benefits (starring Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis as some more identikit fuck buddies) opened in third place, with Transformers: Dark of the Moon and Horrible Bosses rounding off the top five. Nobody’s crowing about Jimberlake giving it hard and dirty to Shia LaBeouf, are they?

Spencer, whose Mad Men character Suzanne Farrell is an improbably foxy teacher and one of Don Draper’s love interests, will apparently play a member of Oz’s Kansas conjuring show.

She joins a fairly stellar cast which currently includes James Franco as the ‘wizard’ himself, Zach Braff as his servant Frank and Mila Kunis, Rachel Weisz and Michelle Williams as the three witches Theodora, Evanora and Glinda respectively.

Combined with the news that Danny Elfman has apparently kissed and made up with Raimi, things are looking quite interesting over in the Emerald City. Watch this space for more developments!

Academy President Tom Sherak said that “These individuals are among the best filmmakers working in the industry today… Their talent and creativity have entertained moviegoers around the world, and I welcome each of them to our ranks.”

Also elevated to Academy membership are actors Robbie Coltrane, Gerard Butler, Mila Kunis, Mia Wasikowska, Jesse Eisenberg, Rooney Mara and Ellen Page, directors Lisa Cholodenko and Debra Granik and writers David Seidler and Aaron Sorkin. Unusually, the Academy has also included one posthumous appointment; Tim Hetherington, whose documentary Restrepo was nominated for an Oscar this year, was killed in Libya before the Academy’s spring meeting could determine new members.

The full list can be found here. Enjoy realising how little you know about casting directors!