Nick Eversman to stay on the scene (like a sex machine).

See if you can spot Chris Evans.

Ryan Seacrest’s jacket loses out big time.

Would you like Steven Spielberg to come over there and lick your toes clean, Michel Hazanavicius? That’s probably the only accolade left.

Sorry Meryl.

THEY’RE HERE! The nominations for the 84th Academy Awards have been released, and as we predicted The Artist has basically bagsied all the categories like a fat greedy child in a tuckshop. Standard.

Why doesn’t someone put Ricky Gervais in a silent film?

Look, racism is bad, no matter what you say. We’re treading familiar ground with this well-coiffed and rather saccharine exploration of 60s Mississippi, but lovely performances and brisk plotting just about make The Help worth a watch. A word of warning: you’ll want fried chicken after. No-one said you’d feel good about that.