Please, Penélope, use protection. Bond looks as though he’s a repository for every sexually-communicable disease out there.

Shrek spin-off worth a paws for thought.

Last weekend, we ventured to the Isle of Wight to attend the world’s first ever Sail-In Cinema event. Imagine it – not only is Russell Crowe on a boat in Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World, but YOU ARE TOO! Aromascope ain’t got nuffin on this. Join us as we attempt to shake a whisky and fresh air-induced hangover and track down the other nautical films best watched whilst three sheets to the wind…

Blah de blah de blah, it’ll make a billion squillion dollars and we’ll all hate it.

Moviegoers cold-shoulder critics to make Transformers: Dark of the Moon the third biggest 3-day opener of all time

How about ‘Pirates of the Caribbean 5: Dead horse flogged’?

Laziness reaps rewards for Hollywood sequel. Surprise, surprise…

Argh! Give me your booty!

To celebrate the brief few days between the release of Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides and its inevitable box office flop, we thought we’d channel the very muckiest of Captain Jack Sparrow’s rum-guzzling habits and settle you down for an evening of alcoholism on the high seas. Avast, where be that Babycham?

Just when you thought the ship had finally sunk to the bottom of the sea bed, those pirates, who may or may not be in the Caribbean any more, swing back with another romping instalment of nautical based madness. Your timbers should indeed be shivering.