Once upon a time there was porn – good, ole’ fashioned, plotless porn that seemed destined to forever roam the private nether-regions of the entertainment industry alone. But smut desperately desired to be taken seriously, and Hollywood needed a harder…edge. It took one dexterous stroke of genius to bring the two concepts to simultaneous, mainstream fruition, and it wasn’t Sheen the Machine, nor was it one night misspent in Paris, but instead the reflexively novel idea of making films about (porno) films…

Hurrah for knowledge-based lies! Beginning today, we’ll be giving you a weekly low-down on a cinematic figure you really should know your way around. After all, not only does epic film know-how make you a better person, but it improves your blood-pressure, freshens your clothes and makes you irresistible to foxy humans of your preferred gender. This week: Danny Boyle.