Garry Marshall’s first Love Actually rip-off, Valentine’s Day grossed $56 million in its opening weekend last year, and went on to make $216 million world-wide. The reviews weren’t great, but that didn’t stop the viewing public from heading out in full force to see ALL THE FAMOUS PEOPLE do KISSING AND STUFF. This time, however, it looks like the critical derision has stuck. Grabbing only $13 million in its opening weekend, New Year’s Eve just about managed to steal the box-office number 1 spot away from Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1 after four weeks at the top, beating out the other opener – Jonah Hill’s comedy The Sitter . Does this mark the end of utterly dreadful revolving door rom-coms? God we hope so. *What To Expect When You’re Expecting grins menacingly in the not-so-distant distance*

An untitled indie drama, that’s what!

Taylor has been criticised as being the sort of teen heartthrob for whom acting is “simply another inaccessible polysyllable” (courtesy of John Underwood). Which is why I’m sure everybody will be happy to know that he won’t just be acting in Gus Van Sant’s upcoming project, he’ll be taking on a producer role as well. Nice of him to spread his wings, right?

If that wasn’t enough, the film is said to be based on an article from the New Yorker. An article that Lautner himself optioned. Is there anything this guy can’t do?

At least he won’t be writing the script; it’s a safe bet that Dustin Lance Black will be taking on the task of the WONDERFUL WORDS, as he was recently seen having dinner with Gus and Taylor. And you can bet that was for business rather than pleasure…

Are we being unfair? Do you think Taylor ‘Toned Abs’ Lautner has a promising acting career ahead of him? Let us know below.

Be sure to check out the poster below (go supersized for full dramatic effect by clicking on the image) and let us know your thoughts. Which pairing are you more excited for guys? Lea Michele and Ashton Kutcher, or New Year’s and Eve? It’s just so exciting we can’t decide!

In all seriousness, who has enough time in the day to stop and process all this information? On top of that, the tagline claims New Year’s Eve is ‘The one night anything is possible’ but we all know December 31st is only ever a wretched, lonely affair. Stop messing with our heads New Year’s Eve poster!

A cursory glance at Gary Marshall’s IMDB page suggests that this guy is too old for this shit, so maybe we should go easy on him. Great work Gary, keep it up.

Look at it. It’s so horrible.

At least the Valentine’s Day utilised a HEART SHAPE in some semblance of awful pseudo-creativity. THIS DOESN’T EVEN HAVE A SHAPE. IT JUST EXISTS, A SERIES OF DEAD EYES DIRECTLY TRANSFERRED FROM THE PAYROLL SPREADSHEET.

Urgh. And we’ll still somehow all end up watching it, won’t we? I blame Bon Jovi.

Name:

Julianne Moore

Date of Birth:

December 3rd 1960

Place of Birth:

Fort Bragg, North Carolina

Special moves:

Acting

Films include:

Boogie Nights, The Big Lebowski, Magnolia, Children of Men, The Kids Are All Right, A Single Man, Chloe, Crazy Stupid Love.

What you probably already know:

That she definitely believes that variety is the spice of life. She’s had us bawling through the dramas of The Hours and Magnolia, gasping through the thrillers Hannibal and Shelter and chuckling at comedies Evolution and Crazy Stupid Love. Phew. She can basically act the pants off any role that lands in her lap. And her morning mailbag is undoubtedly filled to the brim with possible parts, after she declared that she reads every single script in her mailbox. Isn’t that nice? Whilst she gives each script a fair chance, when it comes to deciding on a role, she is quite selective. Which is probably why we rarely catch her in a bad film. Originally, she was dubious at joining the star-studded cast of Crazy Stupid Love, as she thought it was “another one of those rubbish romantic comedies with a lot of stars in it” (cough – Valentines Day, New Years Eve - cough).

What you might not know:

Her real name is Julie Ann Smith. Due to the rules when registering with the Actor’s Guild (you cannot register the same name as anyone else) she found that both her name, and many variations were already taken, hence she took her father’s middle name ‘Moore’ and crafted a new one. She actually never planned a career in acting when she was younger, preferring the idea of helping people as a doctor. Although she isn’t directly saving lives, she is a US ambassador for Save The Children.

After studying for a degree in Fine Arts, she traversed the stereotypical “I’m going to be a star!” route of moving to New York, working as a waitress, and desperately trying to find her big break. Unfortunately it was a long, tough slog to the top. She began popping up in off-Broadway plays, alongside bit-parts in TV soaps, which would have been a great start on the career ladder, except that Moore remained clinging to that rung for longer than she would have liked. Finally, a satisfying role drifted along, well two roles to be exact; the parts of two half-sisters on the TV series As the World Turns, which brought the long-deserved recognition of her talents – an Outstanding Ingénue Daytime Emmy Award. It was the first of many.

The award gave Moore a shove up that notorious ladder into the realm of TV-movies. It took seven years of relatively forgettable projects before Moore ultimately breached the pearly gates to the big screen with the role of a victim in Tales from the Darkside: The Movie . Sadly, the obvious connotations are unfounded, with the film focusing on three tales of horror (altogether Ewok-unrelated).

Gradually, aided by supporting parts in films such as The Gun in Betty Lou’s Handbag Moore began to receive bigger and better roles, including a small yet memorable role opposite Harrison Ford in The Fugitive. Moore’s portrayal of a cocaine-sniffing porn star in the drama Boogie Nights won her an Oscar nomination (the first of four so far) which confirmed her space in the spotlight as a truly talented actress.

But it seems she never forgot her humble TV-appearance beginnings, as fans of 30 Rock will know, she popped up as Alec Baldwin’s love interest last year. She’s also appearing as Sarah Palin in the TV-movie Game Change, as well as a few dramas and fantasies (which is an interesting first for Moore…unless it’s sci-fi).

Julianne Moore quote:

“You never have sex the way people do in the movies. You don’t do it on the floor, you don’t do it standing up, you don’t always have all your clothes off, you don’t happen to have on all the sexy lingerie. You know, if anybody ever ripped my clothes, I’d kill them.”

What to say at a dinner party:

“After a tough career rut of TV appearances, Julianne Moore has transformed into a truly fearless actress who chooses her roles intelligently, resulting in a back catalogue that is solidly all killer no filler.”

What not to say at a dinner party

“I wonder if the carpet matches the drapes.”

Final Thought:

We were impressed with her performance in Crazy Stupid Love, and it will be interesting to see how she fares in the mysterious fantasies Nicholas North and The Seventh Son in the years to come. And now she’s technically British. Patriotic love!

We open on Cal (Steve Carell) who has just been informed by his wife Emily (Julianne Moore) that she has slept with her work colleague, the evil David Lindhagen (Kevin Bacon). Oh, and she wants a divorce. In response, Cal wearily throws himself out of their moving car. What follows is the various love stories that mushroom around Cal and Emily’s divorce. We are introduced to their preteen son Robbie, who is fervidly in love with his 17-year old babysitter Jessica (“Demi Moore is 15 years older than Ashton Kutcher and they seem pretty happy. Just saying.”) Jessica in turn is in love with Robbie’s dad, the forty-something Cal. While the angst of this situation putters away in the background, we find the newly separated Cal spending his nights getting wasted on vodka cranberry in a chic singles bar. Here we meet love-rat Jacob (Ryan Gosling) who decides to take the depressive Cal under his wing. One half-decent hair cut and a pair of leather brogues later, Cal is a modern man, effectively wading in lady gardens. But wait, the best part is coming: Emma Stone is in it. EMMA STONE of LIKEABILITY fame. Here, Ms. Stone is in her first proper grown-up role as Hannah, a young lawyer who is seemingly immune to the charms of the aggressively charming Jacob.

A brief look at the plot(s) will probably garner an eye-roll from the hardened film fan, and I can’t say I blame you. There’s nothing very new here in terms of story: the lothario is redeemed through the Love of a Good Woman, the cuckolded (their word, not mine) husband attempts to win back the affection of his wife, and so on. However, the writing is consistently fresh and the material is handled exquisitely by the film’s accomplished cast. It’s a rom-com through and through, but it’s by far the cleverest and most elegantly composed one you’re likely to see this year.

The most refreshing thing about Crazy Stupid Love is that, unlike offerings from the Apatow school of emotional comedy, it doesn’t feel like it has to balance feelings with phalluses. True, there’s quite a lot of ill-fated casual sex, but we’re not forced to sit through twenty minutes of dick jokes or awkwardly hilarious sex scenes in order to understand that sex is happening. This is a movie that knows how smart it is, and doesn’t feel tempted to go on a relentless ‘not your everyday romantic comedy’ campaign (á la Friends with Benefits) in order to hold our attention. There are your usual bouts of misogyny (“The battle of the sexes is over, and we won. Women lost when they started doing pole-dancing as an exercise.”) but at its heart, it’s a movie with a deep respect for human relationships.

Perhaps the only thing worth criticising about Crazy Stupid Love is that it tends to linger far too long on the central relationship, the divorce of Cal and Emily, rather than explore the far more interesting connection forming between Jacob and Hannah. At the end of the day, we’ve seen Julianne Moore and Steve Carell play middle-aged parents before, and doubtless we’ll see them again. What we haven’t seen is a drunk Emma Stone trying unsuccessfully to seduce Ryan Gosling, while he becomes growingly intimidated by her.

“I know what happens in the PG-13 version of this movie. I pass out, you drape a blanket over me and kiss me on the forehead. That’s not happening. We are going to BANG.”

“People still stay ‘Bang’?”

Unfortunately, instead of seeing more of this we get a lot of to-ing and fro-ing between Cal and Emily. It’s still entertaining, but you do find yourself wondering where that nice entertaining young couple have gone. The movie may not stick with you long-term, but its delightful froth and undoubtedly the final brick lain on our shrine to Emma Stone.

They’ve packed this one to the brim with A-Listers, including Jessica Biel, Jon Bon Jovi, Abigail Breslin, Chris “Ludacris” Bridges, Robert De Niro, Josh Duhamel, Zac Efron, Hector Elizondo, Katherine Heigl, Ashton Kutcher, Seth Meyers, Lea Michele, Sarah Jessica Parker, Michelle Pfeiffer, Til Schweiger, Ryan Seacrest, Hilary Swank and Sofia Vergara.

Don’t believe me? Check out the trailer:

The mind boggles at how many personal assistants must have been crammed into that set!

New Year’s Eve promises to celebrate “love, hope, forgiveness, second chances and fresh starts, in the intertwining stories of couples and singles, told amidst the pulse and promise of New York City on the most dazzling night of the year.” Hmm. Lots of mini chick-flicks in one movie then? Probably. A saccharine and predictable film that taps into our festive spirit? Definitely. Yet maybe that’s not such a bad thing; everybody loves a slice of cheesy at Christmas time, after all!

It’s worth watching the trailer below, just so you can play Famous Person Bingo. Seriously, we’ve tried to think of celebrities NOT in the trailer below, and all we could come up with was Jon Bon Jovi. Except he’s in it as well.

Robert DeNiro, Halle Berry, Katherine Heigl, Lea Michele, Jessica Biel, Ashton Kutcher, Zac Efron – it just goes on and on. Is New Year’s Eve JUST SO BRILLIANT that all these stars simply had to get involved on a purely artistic level? Or could New Line pretty much guarantee this film’s financial success from the off? We’d hate to be cynical about it…

Surprising absolutely no-one, The Last Airbender suffered the most – picking up Worst Film, Worst Director (M Night Shyamalan), Worst Screenplay, Worst Supporting Actor (Jackson Rathbone, who was also rinsed for his contribution to Twilight: Eclipse) and Worst Eye-Gouging Mis-Use of 3D. Ouch.

But what of the slowly decomposing day-glo corpse-fest that was Sex And The City 2? Fear not, the internationally panned sequel also picked up a fair few awards; scoring Worst Sequel, Worst Screen Ensemble (for the entire cast, apparently) and Worst Actress – generously given to all four of the leads.

Ashton Kutcher walked away with the Worst Actor gong for his various crimes against cinema (mainly Valentines’ Day and The Killers) and Jessica Alba too was lambasted for her performances in Little Fockers (don’t remind us), Valentine’s Day and Machete. The real question is, did any of the slebs do a Bullock and collect their award on the day? Nothing’s been said yet, but surely we’ll find out soon…

Open Legs

As seen in The Comebacks, 3:10 to Yuma, For Your Eyes Only, Naked, Thirst

You would think that this style of postering was a little risqué. Some countries have certainly thought so; when the poster for Korean drama Thirst was released, the makers were asked (ok, its Korea- they were probably forced) to re-make it in a more delicate manner. So they chose to just scrap the legs, leaving the poster as a torso straddling a man. That’s even worse! The tradition of open legs started with Mr Bond and For Your Eyes Only, and since then has been repeated with surprising alacrity. Even Mike Leigh has used the cliché, adding fishnets for his film Naked. Mike Leigh, I thought better of you.

Why Have Words When You Can Have Number5

As seen in Iron Man 2, X-Men 3, Toy Story 3, Spiderman 3, Scream 3

They think they’re so cool, these number posters. Ooh, the weight of our franchise is so enormous that we don’t even need to tell people the title of it on the poster! I guess it saves a bundle on production; just shove a number in according to the sequel, but it feels a little lazy. The exception to this is Scream 3, because this franchise actually is recognizable (take note, Iron Man 2), and the end result is striking.

Quirky Indie Writing

As seen in Youth in Revolt, Eagle vs Shark, Juno, Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist, The Wackness

Gah. Bloody quirky indie films, showing us how indie they are with their hand written titles and colouring in. Michael Cera is the greatest culprit here, appearing in no less than three – three! – of the titles. If a film poster ever has hand written lettering, rest assured that it will also have:

a) cool geeks
b) ironic wearing of sweatbands
c) a soundtrack that includes Belle & Sebastian

However, I have to let The Wackness off the hook, because when Dr Squires (Ben Kingsley) asks what gawky weed dealer Luke’s (Josh Peck) favourite music is, he says De La Soul, The Pharcyde and A Tribe Called Quest, which are definitively the best groups ever.

There Will Be Sexytime

As seen in No Strings Attached, Love and Other Drugs, Blue Valentine, 9 Songs, Last Tango in Paris

This poster promises the viewer that there will be lots of sexytime, no-holds-barred sexytime. Quotes on the poster should be suitably incendiary (“You’ve never seen anything this scorching in cinemas before!”) and taglines should be pervily promising; 9 Songs‘ assures viewers of “69 minutes of sex and rock’n'roll.” Yeah yeah, 9 Songs, we get it.

Oranges and Blueberries

As seen in The Bourne Identity, Australia, GI Joe, Jumper, Stardust

There are a couple of theories on this one, simply because the blue/orange colour palette is used so often, not just in posters but throughout films. One is that the colours are pretty gender neutral and don’t have any connotations (e.g. green and red = Christmas), another is that the direct compliment to skin tone (peach/orange) is blue. There’s a fascinating explanation here, which pretty much concludes that film-makers are lazy bumders.

This Situation Isn’t Suited to My Stereotype!!!!

As seen in Life As We Know It, Death at a Funeral (not the good one), Knocked Up, Big Momma’s House 1 to wherever they’re at now (3?), Date Night

Now don’t get me wrong, here at BFF we would gladly let Tina Fey use our bodies as footstools, but these film posters fall under the crime of announcing themselves as wacky. They advertise the fact that the film will be based around people finding themselves in unusual situations directly out of proportion with their normal selves and exploit my desire to be held hostage by violent gangsters whilst on a date. In these kinds of movies there is usually a straight edge companion, who shakes their head and looks rueful (but amused).

Back to Back

As seen in Gnomeo and Juliet, Two Weeks Notice, Get Smart, Mr and Mrs Smith, Adam’s Rib

I can’t think of a single situation which would necessitate me standing back to back with my boyfriend. However, Valentine’s Day is coming up…should I mock up a poster of us in this awkward pose? The most ridiculous of the poster tropes, and the most inaccurate. The next time I pay to see Two Week’s Notice I’m going to demand a refund if Sandra Bullock and Hugh Grant don’t stand back to back with their arms crossed at some point in the film. I gather it indicates a love/hate relationship between the pair, where the woman is whiny/controlling and the man is whiny/childish and gosh darnit, they just have to work it out!

Though, any of these posters would be more preferable than the Pulp Fiction one when decorating your student digs. Just don’t do it, people.