“Football is 80% mental and 40% physical.” Erroneous mathematics is just one of the highlights of that hallowed cornerstone of the film industry; the sports movie. Other than sex, the only other thing which has the power to absolutely unite the sexes is a good sports film; everyone’s equal in the stadium, you know? Dudes put on makeup and call it “warpaint”, women start bottling people in the stands, everyone wears skintight Lycra – sports movies bring out the pikey banter-lad in us all. It’s hot, the Olympics are nigh – let’s get rowdy.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

We’ll tell you how he became the Fresh Prince of a town called shithole.

What’s with all of the bible stuff, Hollywood? Do you know something we don’t?

Ten years on from Men in Black II and an astonishing 15 years after the original film (are we all really that old?), Agents K. J and, err, K again are back onscreen for a third and possibly last outing. It may be a poor imitation of the genre-defining original, but fans will find plenty to enjoy in this inoffensive threequel.

Ah, Friday. It’s the end of a long week and we bet you haven’t even seen any aliens, you poor sad shmuck – well, not any that you’d remember anyway. Suspicious? WE THINK SO! Time to brush up on the alien know-how, not to mention celebrate the release of Men In Black 3, with our very own memory deletion device – alcohol.

It pains us to write that. It does.

It’s a MIRACLE!

Can we be the first to suggest that posters just stop?

It looks like John Carter is going to fall fast and land hard at the box office. Costing a cool $250 mill’ to make, based on a cherised collection of sci-fi novels, featuring the most sophisticated CGI Disney could afford and being the live action debut of director Andrew Stanton (Finding Nemo, Wall-E plus writing credits on the Toy Story trilogy), John Carter looked like a shoe-in to be one of the year’s toppermost earners. Right now it looks like breaking even worldwide would be a hopeful return. Which got us thinking….