China’s attitude to freedom of information is almost whimsically brutal. They banned Wikipedia way before Wikipedia made it cool to ban Wikipedia. So it’s hardly surprising that they’re trying to bury this comedy about their massive sex toy industry. Luckily for us, it’s being screened throughout England. But are we so lucky?

..which looks remarkably similar to Black Mirror’s, only with more and larger bat-people.

What is it with low budget debuts and terrible bloody titles? Unfortunately, unlike the surprisingly good A Spanking In Paradise, Pinching Penny shows promise but is crippled by its own adolescence.

Call now!

After the desolate wasteland of 2010 (The Crazies, and…?), 2011 has actually been a half decent year for horror movies: Kill List, Black Swan, Stake Land, Troll Hunter, Julia’s Eyes, Attack the Block (sort of), the first half of Insidious, the second half of Scream 4… But if early whisperings are to be believed, 2012 is going to be much better. LIST TIME.

Dance theatre is not a dirty word. Even if you normally find the idea of a film that contains almost nothing but dance to be the purest form of hell, the sheer quality of the dancing on display in Pina – and the immaculate way in which it’s presented – make it difficult to resist.

Perhaps you’d noticed, but multiplex cinemas are starting to get really, really pricey. This would be fine if the experience was improving, but it’s not. It’s getting worse. After one too many sub-par screenings, maybe it’s time to find somewhere else to get our fix..

Y’know, other than the awful script, performances, direction..

What is it with horribly titled British films lately? First Swinging With the Finkels, now this? C’mon people, just name your film after a dinosaur, there’s loads of them left. It’d be much easier to sell a dark comedy set in a Scottish brothel (apparently they’re legal up there, fancy that!) if it was called Tyrannosaurus Sex. Just sayin. Luckily though, Spanking in Paradise is infinitely better than its dreadful title, a witty, surprisingly restrained and thoroughly Scottish gem.

Good films are our favourite kind of films, and it’s pretty hard to make a good film out of a rubbish script. As a result, most good films have pretty good scripts. But sometimes, even in the very best films, there are lines so arse-shatteringly dreadful that they cause nearby birds to explode. Here’s some of those.