Though he may have kind of a funny name if you’re an idiot, Mads Mikkelsen is actually a VERY SERIOUS, VERY GOOD actor who’s been in lots of CLEVER and COMPELLING films. If you’d like to know about some of these films, have a read.

Nothing has ever had two trailers and then not happened. This is definitely happening, folks.

One of the many ways in which Hollywood have flogged a thousand dead horses, the reboot is not only alive and well but getting faster. We take a look at a few that actually worked, and a few more that made our eyes bleed. Beware; there will be many highs, lows and gratuitous wrestling analogies.

Uwe Boll, the mastermind behind such spectacles as BloodRayne: The Third Reich and In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, is frequently cited as the worst director of all time. But in the light of his extraordinary workrate and evident quest for self-improvement, does his canon deserve a reassessment? Tell you what, we’ll decide that.

Derek Luke (Antwone Fisher) stars in a confused and meandering war story from Spike ‘however do I manage to balance such a big chip on one little shoulder?’ Lee. Bogged down by technical problems and frantic attempts to shoehorn a message into the madness, this is anything but a miraculous film.

DISCLAIMER: This film is A Film About Animals on Farms. If you’re a young girl, and you still think being a vet involves magically making animals better all the time, you’ll love it (and I hope your parents are strictly monitoring your internet use). Everyone else: avoid All Roads Lead Home. Avoid it like it’s a sow coughing loudly circa 2009.

Why aren’t films of video games ever good? Because the boys in the back room are adapting the wrong goshdarned games, that’s why! We’ve consumed eighty-six thousand Doritos and worn out nine pairs of tracksuit bottoms doing the research for this list: the definitive top 10 games that must be brought to the silver screen.

Whatever Happened to Pete Blaggit? is a sci-fi comedy about weddings, zombies and rape – and, should another film ever slot into that very specific sub-sub-subgenre, we guarantee it will be better than this incoherent and nonsensical tripe.

It’s hardly a secret that we’re big fans of independent cinemas, but we’re also big fans of London and get a bit scared of crossing the M25 lest we melt. Fortunately, our newest and shiniest writer Duncan has no such qualms; he’s bringing you all you need to know on the venerable Duke of York, the pride of sunny Brighton. Hurrah!