MY NAME IS INIGO MONTOYA, YOU KILLED MY FATHER, PREPARE oh is it not actually happening? Okay.

Noblivion?

Greedy.

Someone clear the decks for the 2014 Oscars, this is going to need a lot of room.

And it’s about time travel. BEAN AMONGST THE DINOSAURS

Just when you thought being married to Uma Thurman was stress enough for poor Ethan Hawke, he moves to Paris and gets involved with a vampy older woman who may or may not be real. That’ll teach him to have a silly name, eh? The Woman in the Fifth is a fascinating tale which will lead you into a completely new world and do its level best to leave you there.

Too bad there’s already an Agent M…

Who knew that sci-fi films were allowed to be set outside New York City? Every timeworn trope of the ‘alien invasion’ genre beloved of Cold War screenwriters has hurdled the Iron Curtain and descended on Moscow for The Darkest Hour, a virtually irredeemable mess of contrived clichés, crap CGI and Cyrillic cignage. And some things that don’t begin with C (as well as some others that do which we can’t mention here – looking at you, Bekmambetov).

All we need now is to hear that he’s the new Bond…

Martin Lucas King?