From the producers of Anuvahood and Shank comes a self-consciously dark revenge thriller which nevertheless manages to provide an interesting new perspective on the growing dangers of urban gang violence. You may wince, but chances are you’ll stick with Sket to the bloody end.

To commemorate the release of Paranormal Activity 3, a franchise which has made more than $100m through the simple expedient of filming a bedroom in which nothing happens, we’ve created a new ghostly character to appeal to its simple-minded fans. Can you identify its components? At least we didn’t rip off Blair Witch…

And they’re RUBBISH

Boo Steel!

Call me Ishm- OH MY GOD SPACE WHALE SPACE WHALE

Bloody Mary. Bloody Mary. Bloody Mary.

Ever since we watched the new Three Musketeers film we’ve wanted to drink ourselves to death. That’s not a sensation that’s likely to go away, but if there’s one thing that might fix it it’s a massive injection of quality swashbuckling. Drink along with us, and if you don’t shift the despair at least you can hasten that coma!

We haven’t been able to find out whether Bradley Cooper actually has an uncle, but he probably does.

You go, girl.

INSIGHT ALERT: politics can sometimes be a bit of a mucky business. There. Everyone was thinking it, but God knows it had never been articulated before George Clooney bravely blew the cobwebs off our antiquated belief that politicians are all selfless good guys working for the benefit of Joe Q. Public. The Ides of March is snappy and competent, but its hackneyed ‘message’ is dated beyond belief.