This Valentine’s Day, forget about booking a table at Dorsia. If Patrick Bateman can’t get a reservation, then neither can you. Instead, lure your other half into a dark room, force feed them popcorn and sit on separate sides of the couch while making your way through these gruesomely romantic films.

Every year, I watch ceremonies throughout the awards season with a degree of scepticism. I mean, it’s not that I don’t enjoy Hollywood’s biggest blockbusters and heartstring tugging epics…it’s just that I don’t care. Daniel Day Lewis is a brilliant actor, yes, but I genuinely feel that a child could film him, with a grainy black and white camcorder, sitting on a chair, eating cake slice after slice after slice, call it “There Will Be Diabetes” and he would still win Best Actor, just because the Academy hold him on such a high pedestal.