It’s hard to talk objectively about Twilight without getting absorbed in the somewhat frightening teen-girl hype that has surrounded first the books, then the movies. Stephenie Meyer’s four-book series about a young girl caught in a love triangle between a vampire and a werewolf (a problem all of us can certainly relate to on some level) raced up the bestseller lists faster than publishers could say ‘Harry Potter’.
The title of this movie says it all, really. Another in a seemingly never-ending line of horrendous teen slasher flicks, it’s based around the typically stupid premise of a high-school hottie who is inexplicably transformed into a blood-lusting demon. There’s only one reason I can think of that any of the movie going public would subject themselves to it – to have a good old perv at Megan Fox, aka said hottie-cum-demon, Jennifer Check.
Damn you George Lucas! No, not for making the Star Wars prequels and casting a Canadian Redwood as the Dark Lord of the Sith. And not for flogging a dead, Indiana Jones shaped, horse in The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. No, we damn you because as the Godfather of the franchise you are directly culpable for Ratnerised X-Men: The Last Stand. It’s complete uselessness is the reason we’ve been treated to this Wolverine prequel (and, if rumours are to believed, a sequel to the prequel plus a Magneto movie as well). An entirely new franchise of an existing franchise – great, just what we’ve always wanted!
With millions of kids around the world getting a taste for blood, there’s never been a better time for vampiric stories to be transferred to the big screen. However, we can’t help feeling that with confusing storytelling and lack of energy, this one lacks bite.
As sure as God made little green bobbing apples, we’ll get a Saw film at Halloween. It’s a tradition we at BestForFilm actually quite like – sorta comforting, like a Saturday duvet, or a bath filled with kittens. Stick those two together and you’d have a corker of a Jigsaw trap, incidentally. You should all know the score by now – a series of devilish traps that provide a bunch of feckless trapees with moral chin-scratchers such as “Is kneecapping myself with this poisoned crowbar worth the price of a Mars Bar? What would Jesus do?
“Fantastic by name, fantastic by nature.” This is the tagline used on the Fantastic Mr. Fox posters currently lining every tube station for the film’s opening week. Much has been made of the remake of Roald Dahl’s much-loved children’s book, with indie director Wes Anderson, of Royal Tenenbaums fame, at the helm. If anyone could recreate Dahl’s bizarre, fantastic literary flight of fancy, he could (exhibit A, The Darjeeling Limited).
We’re all for brainless and fluffy rom-coms, they’re what this country was built on after all. However, Confessions Of A Shopaholic not only lacks depth, but is devoid of humour, charm and pace. With so many other films in this genre offering quirky comedy, razor wit and serious style, we’re less than impressed. Shopaholic? We’re not buying it.