Here’s the thing about Christmas. Sure, there’s all the joy and goodwill and so on, and there’s also loads of turkey and sprouts and those sausagey bacon things – whose idea were they? They’re ace – and Bond films and Wallace & Gromit films and Santa hats and Christmas cracker jokes and stodgy cake and sherry at quarter to eleven in the morning. But sometimes, there’s also hammering.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH