Birdemic: The Greatest Movie You Never Saw
First thing’s first. Birdemic is a glorious word. It’s a veritable chainsaw of a word, worthy of slashing through the mediocrity of any film – and possibly even religious text – no questions asked. Sure, perhaps only a handful of people could see that, but hell, when you’re murdering people left right and centre purely with a collection of letters, who’s going to be stood counting?
The real question is, in that sacred handful, who would be brave enough to take it even further? Visionary director James Nguyen, that’s who. The title he chose for his first movie? Birdemic: Shock and Terror. Dear Lord, we never knew such beauty existed until this moment.
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Before this year, James Nguyen was just a man with a dream, a dream we’ve all had at some point in our lives; to write and make a low-budget horror film about killer eagles. After putting in $10,000 of his own money, writing and directing the epic, he was horrified to find that Birdemic: Shock and Terror (sorry, just had to have a moment to stare at that title again) was rejected roundly by the Sundance Festival. But like any genius of his time, he refused to give up there. He started begging nearby bars to play his movie, drove round in an SUV covered in fake blood and bird droppings, and gradually, word began to spread. He got a couple of late-night screenings, a few people came in to watch, and, utterly flabbergasted by what they saw, began to blog about it. Since then, movie press around the world have scrambled to see what appears to be the most significant piece of film-making since Trolls 2 (what? Exactly.) And the rest, as they say, is absolutely mental.
We think that, at this junction, it’s probably quite important that you watch the trailer. Prepare yourself. From this moment your life will be divided into two sections, ‘BB’ (before Birdemic) and ‘AB’ (after Birdemic).
Harrowing doesn’t doesn’t even begin to cover it.
Things that are just wonderful –
1. The utter ambiguity of Ron’s job. All you need to know is that his “sale” was for “one million dollars”. Yeah! Go Ron!
2. The word “passion”, apparently suddenly slipped in by a passing fire-demon.
3. Exploding high-fives
4. Cars exploding because of… birds? We don’t understand and we don’t want to.
5. She’s in underwear! Yeah! Why? Shut up!
6. Kill them with coathangers! It’s the only way they’ll learn!
7. The phrase “Master of the Romantic Thriller (TM)”. Whatever that means, we agree.
We could go on. Who knew 2 minutes and 32 seconds could have such a profound effect on our lives? Our mission now is very simple. Get Birdemic: Shock And Horror to cinemas near us. And you. We can’t end our lives not knowing how this ends. Join the revolution! Birdemic – the word will echo through time forever.