Friday Drinking Game #9 – The Lord Of The Rings
We’ve already had some pretty awesome trilogies in our drinking game series so why not add another. One draw-back of doing this with The Lord of the Rings trilogy is that the sheer length of any related drinking game may, er…kill you…. But ya know, only if you’re a girl! Wahey! Crack on, geez:
Take one sip when…
Merry and Pippin say something silly, like only they can, the little scamps!
Maybe drink another if it is in fact Merry, rather than Pippin putting his foot in it, because he’s supposed to be the more mature one! What a comedy pair!
A dementor – I mean, a ringwraith – comes agonisingly close to snatching the ring once and for all…only for them to inextricably become slow motion-afied, thus making it difficult to catch the scurrying hobbits. Annoying, that.
Sam and Frodo look lovingly at each other or act like they’re in a relationship.
This can include moments of frustration or when Frodo attacks Sam. It’s in the olden days, domestic violence was rife. You can be sure Sam gives Rosie a good smack when she’s being disobedient (probably because he’s frustrated he’s not with Frodo), but they don’t put that in the movie, do they?
Someone rolls the ‘r’ in Morrrrdor or Gondorrrr. It just sounds silly.
Take two sips when…
The effects look already a little dated.
Watch out particularly for when effects are used to make the hobbits look small. When Frodo walks up to the plinth in the Council of Elrond: rubbish. When he is sitting next to Gandalf on his cart: amazing, because that’s not special effects but rather lovely old school shot wizardry (zing!).
Every time the camera angle changes to demonstrate Gollum’s personality change.
Subtle, Mr Jackson, subtle…
Arwen is on screen boring the bejesus out of you.
Why oh why so much of the film is taken up with this inane, totally irrelevant, and bloody excruciatingly boring romantic side note we do not know. If you’re going to make something new at least make it interesting Peter. Have two sips because – MY GOD – you’re gonna wish you were drunk whilst she’s chiming in with her nasal elven bullshit. She was so good in the beginning…
Down your drink when…
Legolas performs such an unbelievably complex, overly slick, CGI aided move designed purely to moisten the crotches of karate yellow belt wearing fan boys watching the film in their dimly lit, ‘dungeons’ (bedrooms).
If you’re feeling particularly Herculean take a sip for every kill he gets on one particular oliphaunt ride. Or if you’re immune to alcohol, every kill during the Helms Deep battle.
A woman swings a sword.
‘Nuf said, there aren’t exactly a lot of women in the films, unless their pouting and winging to their elven father. The exception is of course the hard as nails Eowyn. Toast her appearances with a dainty cocktail. *mixed messages*
Throw your drinks at the screen….
When you find yourself dumbstruck at how easy it all could have been if the eagles had been arsed to turn up earlier.
But by now you’ve long been dead, gathering dust on the sofa, waiting for your rotting flesh to kick off a pong so next door will come discover you. Fun game though, weren’t it?