I’ll not lie: it’s been a good week to be me. Last week’s Ryan Reynolds Face Off left me a quivering over-defensive bag of nerves. Suddenly, I was receiving hate mail from BFF readers around the world. How dare I criticise the god-like presence of Ryan Reynolds? Don’t I realize how naturally funny and charming and virile he is? Thankfully, by now everyone who is going to see The Change-Up has seen it and curiously, the hate mail has grinded to a halt. As usual, the world has realized I’m generally right about things, and that Ryan Reynolds being crap is one of those things.

To celebrate my victory and the release of The Change-Up, it’s time for our Friday drinking game. This week: Body Morphs!

Take One Sip:

If you’ve realised that I was right about Ryan Reynolds all along.

The age-swap character is disparately attractive to their older or younger selves. Because Matthew Perry really looked like Zac Efron when he was 17.

The morph can only be reversed if a lesson is learned, and the lesson is invariably about not wishing for anything, ever.

Take Two Sips:

The discovery of new body-parts proves stressful. And comic!

PENALTY: Take two extra sips if this new body part is a load of pubes.

The method of transformation is completely vague and makes no sense. Most recently we had Ryan Reynolds and Jason Bateman peeing into a fountain, but other classics include MAGIC glitter (13 Going on 30) and a freaky janitor (17 Again).

PENALTY: Two extra sips if the method of transformation is somewhat racist. An old Chinese lady screwing with people via fortune cookies? Chinese people everywhere, let me apologise on behalf of Disney. They meant no harm.

Take Three Sips:

If there are some uncomfortable moments involving very thinly-veiled statutory rape.

The child-as-adult goes on a ridiculous spending spree. Que clothing montage and Jamie Lee Curtis eating McDonalds. PENALTY: One sip if everyone is saying “CREDIT CARD!” far too often.

The body morphee falls in love with some vastly inappropriate. RE: Chances Are. Robert Downey Jnr. plays a husband who dies on his first wedding anniversary, and is then re-incarnated. He grows up, haunted by the feeling that he is in the wrong time and place. He goes to college, and falls in love with his own daughter. Yeah, there’s a reason you’ve never heard of this movie.

There’s a best friend character who is oddly practical and accepting of the whole situation. It’s ok, dude. We’ll just get you a job and an apartment and an alibi. No Bigee.

Drown Your Sorrows:

If you feel completely heartbroken by the end of Big. I mean, there’s no way that kid can ever have a normal life, is there? He had a job. He lived in New York City. He fell in love. And now we have to expect that he can just go back to living his crap adolescent life that he wished so hard to escape from? Finish your drink, before you weep openly into it.

You feel damaged by Lindsay Lohan’s wasted potential. Oh Lindsay, you were quite good in stuff, before you hit 18 and died inside.

Don’t lose your head, now… or your torso or anything else. Keep an eye on Ryan…