Orange(Wednesday)s and Lemons #23

*X-Men fever has (largely) passed and normality has returned to Best For Film Towers, although it’s tinged with sadness – our current crop of highfalutin word-benders are soon to leave in search of pastures new. Not that Kob gives a toss, obviously…*

Kob (has his own submarine):
Senna was a captivating individual who captured the hearts of many audience members during whenever and wherever he raced. Really this is a film that showcases what the man was and still is to some people. Quite honestly if it’s in your cinema, pop over and have a watch, it’s a fitting tribute to one hell of a race driver. My lemon is Prom simply because it looks like pandering garbage. If this in any way is a result of Twilight’s success with teens (or tweens) then let’s shut this movement down before it gets going by giving it none of our money.

Orange Choice: Senna
Ultimate Lemon: Prom


Deirdre (is devoid of any concept of time or space):
My orange is going to be cut to shreds by razor-blades this week as I dare to venture into the dark interior of British prisons. Screwed will anger up the blood and have the audience marching into the streets demanding reform of the prison service. Featuring a stellar performance from the entire cast this is one that is certainly worth a watch. It’ll also give you a little bit of a warm feeling knowing that you’re supporting British cinema; how lovely. On the other hand one rendition of high school that I will not willingly be subjected to is that which appears in Prom. The most important night of our lives – giggle!! Lemon stains all over their sparkly dresses – Oh no!

Orange Choice: Screwed
Ultimate Lemon: Prom


Rob (has given up pretending to be called Richard):
Hmm… not the best week is it? I would normally go all out mutant on you all but alas, I did that last week. Instead, I’m gonna side with my man Kob here and say that I will peel back the orange skin on one of the most fascinating race drivers ever and his dramatic death. I’m not even a particularly big fan of Formula One but this sounds like a gripping documentary mixed with a sports movie, which NO ONE can resist. I’m not even going to give Prom the satisfaction, so I shall pin down Honey 2 and squeeze acid lemon into its eyes before drinking it down like a cold remedy. And I haven’t even got a cold. I’m just that mean.

Orange Choice: Senna
Ultimate Lemon: Honey 2


*Gosh, look at this – everyone’s being relatively indie and interesting! It’s alright, though, Sarah will probably wreck everything.*

Sarah (loves the word ‘fnar’ with a burning passion. FNAR FNAR FNAR):
Sorry Deirdre I am mainstreaming all the way this week. I am yet again throwing oranges left, right and centre at X-Men: First Class due to suffering from shock that its opening weekend has made less money than any of the previous X-Men films. Have that many people actually seen X-Men 3?, it was awful! First Class shows off different languages, gratuitous female nakedness, some wavering accents and a weird flying Ron Weasley/Banshee hybrid that must be seen! Anyone who goes to see The Hangover: Part II is an utter lemon. They can’t improve upon perfection, so instead they tear it apart. Charles Xavier and his special thinking finger wouldn’t stand for this rubbish!

Orange Choice: X-Men: First Class
Ultimate Lemon: The Hangover: Part II


Tash (sometimes – not always, but sometimes – prefers wine from a mug):
Last week all I cared about was the lovely X-Men and the breasts that accompanied them into their spy summits/strip club, negotiating offices/strip club, strip clubs/really proper good strip club. This week, having gorged so shamelessly on the neon joys of mainstream Hollywood, I think I’ll take Mammuth – Gerard Depardieu riding around, wearing dressing gowns and being generally wide-eyed and bloated. Here’s hoping he has inappropriate sex on a plastic table whilst scratching himself. In terms of my Lemon, it’s going to have to be Prom, I’m afraid. I’ve just watched the trailer (research kids, always do your research) and it single-handedly convinced me that there is no God (well, that and the whole ‘pussying out of the Rapture’ thing).

Orange Choice: Mammuth
Ultimate Lemon: Prom


Papa Neish (inexplicably watches every shit movie ever, out of choice):
This week, aside from revisiting X-Men: First Class for a second dose of Rose Byrne being generally amazing, I took time out of my not particularly busy life to watch Prom and finally take in Water for Elephants (they must have been parched). The problem, you see, is that I didn’t hate any of them. I don’t know how many proms I’ve been to now – whether televisual or cinematic – but it is clearly enough to desensitise me to the rampant stupidity which routinely precedes them. And then there’s Water for Elephants, a film which pays little dividends to my unfounded hatred of all things R-Patz and whatever the kids are calling Reese Witherspoon these days. Grandma? As a result, while I bestow X-Men with my weekly orange, it is only to preserve whatever dignity I might have left. As for my lemon? It’s a good thing Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides was rubbish enough to deserve another night in the stocks. And then some.

Orange Choice: X-Men: First Class
Ultimate Lemon: Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides


John (is stuck in the office until MIDNIGHT AND A HALF):
D’you know what? You can never – literally never – have too much Gerard Depardieu, so in advance of Potiche’s release next Friday I think it’d be a jolly good idea to get in the mood for bent noses and bedraggled sexiness with Mammuth, a film which I’m reliable assured contains a scene in which two cousins toss each other off. Champion. Once that’s all wiped up, I shall be painstakingly massaging lemon juice into Keira Knightley’s superhuman chin for her monstrous role in Last Night, possibly the crappest romantic drama ever. SO MUCH EMOTION! Shut up, Keira, and give Guillaume Canet his self-respect back.

Orange Choice: Mammuth
Ultimate Lemon: Last Night


*Did you get all that? Good. Off you pop!*

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